Elections, Deceptions, and Conceptions, Oh My!
by thatTWWgirl
Summary: One unplanned pregnancy, two campaigns for the presidency, a few marriage proposals, a handful of former and current Bartlet staffers, a fistfight or two, and a partridge in a pear tree. Will Bailey is sure that he must've done something horrible in a past life to deserve this.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've barely finished one story, and now I'm on to another? Somebody stop me.**

 **I've actually wanted to post this for a while, but didn't want to have it going simultaneously with _Prodigal Son_. You guys made it clear that that story deserved my full attention, haha. I'll be happy if you guys like this one even half as much.**

 **I probably won't be as focused on this story as I was with _Prodigal Son_ , as I've got some stuff in the works for _Orphan Collective, Inevitable,_ and _A Collection_ too. But if I receive a lot of feedback, I'll definitely prioritize accordingly.**

 **This story is somehow both a little angsty and kind of fun. It's set in season 6. I'm enjoying writing it, and I hope you all enjoy it as well!**

 **Rating: T? Probably?**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine, evermore, you get it.**

 **Reviews: Always!**

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Frankly, Will Bailey was nervous about the campaign manager gig. The largest campaign he'd worked on was for California's 47th district, and though the race did attract national attention, it was mostly in the form of a shared national laugh at Will's expense. He moved up in the world a little bit when he became White House deputy Communications Director, but he wasn't exactly a key player in the administration. Mostly he felt he was on the outside looking in, or was being tagged in from the bench due to an unfortunate sprain - not due to any real talent or intellect on his part.

At least the Vice President seemed to value him. Whereas Toby expected him to always be self sacrificial, idealistic, and never looking for a word of gratitude or praise, Will's job in the VP's office allowed him to be a little more political and out for himself. Honestly, it felt good. He got into politics for the right reasons, but he was tired of being a side show.

Nonetheless, he didn't feel nearly ready to head a national campaign. It didn't help that he knew barely any of his staff, and they barely knew him. To them, he was a political machine, an interchangeable giver of unquestioned orders. He wasn't the dorky idealist he knew himself to be, or that his former colleagues in the West Wing (as much as they'd under appreciated him) knew him to be as well.

That was why he thanked God for Donna Moss.

"Hey Donna." He greets, stopping by her desk on his way to the staff meeting.

She stands up, prepared to walk in with him. "Hey Will." She says brightly. "Bastards got you down?"

This elicits a small smile. "You could say that."

"Which ones this time? The opposition, or your own staff?"

"Well..."

"Or hazelnut flavored coffee? I got a cup this morning by mistake and I've been in a bad mood since." Though she doesn't look it.

Her quirky sense of humor never fails to brighten his day. "I like hazelnut coffee."

"Monster." She says flatly.

He wishes he'd gotten to know Donna better while they were at the White House. He could've used a friend like her. But then, she was always attached to Josh at the hip, and Will has no doubt that the former deputy Chief of Staff would've had something to say about any relationship, platonic or otherwise, between her and Will.

"It's my own staff, this time."

"Oh yeah?"

"When I tried to get someone to argue with me last night about the coal call, no one took the bait. They just stared."

"You've gotta remember that they're just as scared of you as you are of them."

"Somehow, I doubt it."

He slows in the hallway, as Donna has stopped suddenly behind him. He furrows his brow as she reaches out and clutches the wall with one hand, the other coming to her stomach.

"Donna?" He says in concern, reaching out one hand toward her.

She shakes her head to ward him off. In an instant, she's turned and sprinted back to the bullpen, where she grabs the nearest trash can and bends over it, retching.

Will looks away out of respect, and a little bit out of a sympathetic wave of nausea. "Oh my god, Donna. Are you okay?"

She shakes her head again as she straightens up, dismissive. "I'm fine." She rasps from behind a tissue that covers her mouth.

"You're sure?"

She breathes heavily. "Fine."

"You sick?"

She shakes her head. "Must be food poisoning or something."

"You really hate hazelnut coffee that much?" He chances a joke.

He earns a weak smile. "C'mon. Your staff awaits."

"No, we don't have to go right now, if you need a minute-"

"You can't hide from them all day, Will. Let's go."

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The next morning, Will finds Donna in the hotel lobby. She's sitting alone at a table, picking half heartedly at a muffin. Her eyes are shadowed, her skin pale and waxy.

"Sick, after all?"

She shrugs. "Guess so. Maybe just tired."

"You look kinda sick."

"Gee, thanks." She rolls her eyes. "You don't look so great yourself."

"Being the boss is taxing."

"I'm sure."

"You're sure you're okay to go on the bus with us today?"

"Yes." She nods resolutely. "You couldn't get by without me."

He smiles a little. "There's some truth to that."

"You're the brains. I'm the people person."

"Hey, you've got some brains too."

"First I 'look sick' and now I've got 'some' brains? Gosh, Will Bailey, you sure know how to win a girl's heart."

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A week later, Donna's illness doesn't seem to have cleared up. She looks more pale and tired by the day, and she's ducked out of more than a few meetings to run to the bathroom. The long days certainly haven't helped any, nor has the fact that her nausea has kept her from drinking coffee.

Will starts to worry.

"Donna." He starts, looking over at her. She's in the seat next to his on the bus, wrapped in a blanket. "I'm worried about you."

"Why?"

"You're still sick."

She sighs. "I'm fine, Will."

"You could have a parasite or something."

She chuckles. "I don't have a parasite."

"You should get yourself checked out. You don't have a lot of excess weight to lose."

She raises her eyebrows at him.

"Sorry."

"That's okay." She reaches out to pat his arm. "You're sweet, Will. But honestly? I don't know that it's a virus. I think it might be nerves."

"Nerves?" He repeats, surprised.

"Yeah. This is a big change, you know. New job, new places, new people... Mostly." She gives him a smile. "It's a lot, you know? I'm still adjusting."

"Nerves? That's all this is?" He asks dubiously.

She doesn't look at him. "Yeah."

Will watches her as she eventually closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep. As much as he's loathe to admit it, he's developing a certain soft spot for his coworker. He may be having a hard time with his new job, but here is Donna Moss, throwing up every day over a similar change. It's almost on brand for her, caring so much that she makes herself sick.

It's kind of sweet. She makes him feel a certain youthfulness and idealism, that he hadn't felt since the Horton Wilde campaign. And he likes it.

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A week later, the nerves have cleared. Donna's strength has returned, bit by bit, and her usual glow graces her skin once more. Will is happy to see it.

His joy doesn't last too long. He walks outside into the parking lot for some air after a particularly heated meeting (at least the staff is arguing with him!), and finds Donna leaning against the brick wall, hugging her arms to herself to ward off the cold and crying profusely.

"Donna." He says, stunned.

She look at him blearily, and hastily wipes her face on a sleeve. "Will."

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Her composure doesn't last long. She hiccups, and soon thereafter a sob escapes. "Oh, Will, it's... It's nothing, don't worry about me. Please."

"I am worried." He says earnestly. "C'mon, talk to me? Was it something that happened today? Did I do anything?"

"No, no." She says quickly. He hadn't been able to recall anything, but his stomach eases, nonetheless. "It's nothing like that. It's..." She sniffs. "Personal."

"Oh." That stops him short. "Well, I don't know that I'll be of much help, but-"

"Oh, Will." She gives him a wan smile through a layer of tears and probably a little snot. Her hair is stuck to her cheeks, and he wouldn't be surprised if it froze there in another few minutes. She's beautiful and strong in most moments, which is what makes this vulnerable one all the more affecting. He wants to take care of her. "I'll be fine. Please."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"I... I don't know." She drops her chin to her chest. Her red rimmed eyes fall shut, and she takes a steadying breath. "It's just... So much is changing at once, you know?"

"Sure." He says. But he doesn't know. The change had been fairly welcome for him. Evidently, she hadn't wanted this escape as much as he had. Maybe he'd misjudged the situation. "You miss the West Wing."

She looks up, surprised. Maybe he'd been too insightful. "I... Yes. No. I don't know."

"You miss your friends."

"Yes."

"You miss Josh." He guesses, and saying it prods at something in his ribcage. He was stupid to think they'd been building some sort of connection. Obviously, she was still hung up on the one she had with her last boss. Her last will they/won't they, are they/aren't they, strangely close, somewhere between coworkers, friends, and something else, partner in crime.

"No." She denies adamantly. "No, I do _not_."

"Oh. Okay." He hopes he doesn't sound as relieved as he feels.

"It's not that. It's anything but that."

"You don't have to explain anything to me."

She turns to him with those wide, teary blue eyes, and he's such a sucker. "Oh, Will. You're so great."

Hesitantly, as if he's afraid she'll jerk back, he reaches out a hand to push the wet hair out of her face. "It's nothing. I just want you to know I'm here for you."

"It means a lot."

"Hey, it's us against them, right? The staff, the opposition, hazelnut coffee. Don't let the bastards get you down."

She smiles a little. "Right."

She pulls him into a hug, and he pretends not to suffice when she shudders with a few more sobs.

As much as he may seem like a cog in the political machine these days, the thing that appeals to Will most about Donna Moss is her raw humanity.

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A few days later, things have been going well for Will, and he thinks for Donna as well. Admittedly, they struggled a little with an upsurge from the Santos campaign, and again with a swing from Hoynes, but they're recovering. And on a personal basis, it's been smooth sailing.

Donna's parking lot meltdown seems to have brought them closer, for which Will is grateful. He's not sure he wants things to go any further, because he knows that he wouldn't be able to do this without her. Whereas she was once just a friendly face, Will has started to be unable to imagine the campaign without her. He's not sure he'd have the will to get up every morning.

When he finally extends an ambiguous offer to her, it's because he can't help himself. They're winding down in yet another hotel lobby, and Will can't possibly imagine spending the night with anyone else. He's tired, and lonely, and she is as beautiful as always, stirring his fatigue and loneliness into something more potent and meaningful.

"Can I buy you a drink?" It's stupid and cliché, but it's all he's got.

Donna looks at him with a surprised smile. "What?"

"A drink. You, me." He's a speechwriter, for god's sake. He should be able to do better than this.

"Oh." She tucks her hair behind her ear, and looks down at her lap. "I don't..."

"I mean, you're not going to leave me with these people, are you?" He can feel it start to slip through his fingers. He's gotta backtrack. Make the offer more friendly, more about their mutual loathing for their dull coworkers than their mutual affection for each other.

"They're your staff, Will." She's stalling.

"Still."

"I think you'll be okay."

"I don't know."

"Anyway, I, um, can't."

"You can't?"

"I can't have a drink with you." She says apologetically. For some reason, she looks a little shifty. A little uncomfortable. Maybe she'd cottoned on to his true intent. "I would love to, but I'm exhausted, and I could really use the extra sleep, and..."

"It's only eight."

"Yeah, and who knows when this kind of opportunity will arise again?" She attempts a grin.

 _Exactly_ , he thinks sadly. "Well, okay. I guess I understand. Have a good night."

"Thanks, Will." She reaches out and squeezes his hand before leaving.

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"Fancy digs." Elsie comments as she slows inside Will's office, looking around. It's her first time visiting the Russell campaign.

"Thanks."

"I notice you poached Donna Moss, from the White House." She'd seen her in the bullpen. "How'd you manage that one?" She takes a seat comfortably in Will's desk chair.

"What do you mean?" He says quickly.

"Well, last I checked, she and Josh Lyman were pretty inseparable. Why isn't she over there on the great Quixotic Santos campaign?"

"Because she doesn't want to be." Will says defensively. "She asked me for a job, okay? She wants to work here."

"Okay, big brother." Elsie says bemusedly. "Somebody's a little touchy."

"I'm not..." Will trails off in a sigh. "Actually, maybe you could help me with something."

"What?"

"With Donna."

Elsie merely raises her eyebrows.

"It's not like that. I'm worried about her."

"Why?"

"Well, a few weeks ago, she got really sick. She was throwing up almost every morning. And she told me it was nerves, you know, from the new job. Which is weird, right? And then after that, when I thought she was better, I found her crying in the parking lot. And then, just last week, I offered to buy her a drink, you know, hoping to get her to destress a little, and she went to bed instead. She's actually been sleeping a lot, you know."

Elsie gives him an inscrutable look.

"I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I think maybe she's depressed. It's hard to tell, because she's a naturally cheerful person, but, I don't know." He finishes lamely. He feels himself heating up under Elsie's stare. He's just revealed how invested he is in this employee - she can probably see right through him. "I don't know. What do you think?"

His sister folds her arms. "Well, geez, Will, next you'll tell me she turned down a plate of soft cheese and sushi."

Will isn't sure he'd heard her correctly. "I... What?"

"Throwing up, crying randomly? Not drinking and sleeping a lot? Will, it sounds like she's pregnant."

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Will finds her at her desk, blowing on a mug of hot tea. Last week, he wouldn't have noticed, but now he's on edge. "Since when do you drink tea?"

She looks up at him, a little confused. "Since too much caffeine can give you a heart attack?"

"You've had a lot today?"

She looks away from him. "Well... Yeah."

His stomach drops at the look in her eyes. He takes a chair from one of the vacant desks and plops it across from hers. "Donna, listen... I need to ask you something."

"What?" Her eyes are wide and concerned, as if she knows what's coming.

"This is going to sound weird, and overly personal, and forgive me if I'm stepping over the line, but..."

"What?" She urges, her voice gaining anxiety.

He finally looks at her. "Are you... Pregnant, possibly?"

She doesn't need to answer. Her face says it all.

"It's none of my business, I-"

"Will, listen. I am pregnant, okay? It was only a matter of time before someone figured it out." She shakes her head. "It's okay. You have a right to know. You're my employer."

Right. That's the capacity he should be taking this news in. "I just wish you'd told me, so I... So the campaign could be a bit more understanding."

"No, you've been great! And, I only found out a couple weeks ago."

Something clicks. "The parking lot..."

"That was the day I found out." She confirms.

He remembers how lost and scared she looked. "So I guess... Congratulations _aren't_ in order?"

She smiles a little. "No, it's okay. I've come to terms with it. I'm even a little bit excited. When I'm not, you know, terrified."

"Right." He has no idea what to say. Hell, he has no idea what he should be feeling, but he's sure this isn't it.

"I haven't told anyone. Hell, I haven't even told the father." She blurts, but then immediately looks embarrassed.

"You haven't?"

A blush tinges her cheeks. "No. Not yet. I'm waiting until three months, you know, that's when they say you should tell people..."

 _Yeah, but that's most people. Not the father._ "So you're not still... Involved, with him?"

"No." She says softly. "I'm not."

"Oh."

She scrutinizes his expression. "It's okay to want to know."

"What?" He plays dumb.

"It's okay to want to know who the father is."

He looks down guiltily. He'd definitely been wondering. "Do I know him?"

She shrugs. "Yeah."

"How?"

"DC is a big city... But really, it's a small town."

He was a DC insider, then. "You don't have to tell me."

"I wasn't going to." She says simply.

He shifts uncomfortably. "Listen, if there's anything you need..."

She smiles at his display of thoughtfulness. "Nothing, Will. But thank you."

"Of course." He doesn't look at her. He feels a little nauseous, himself, and kind of wants to go sit in his office with the lights off. Preferably without Elsie gloating.

"Oh, there is one thing!" She says as he stands up to leave.

"Yeah?"

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, in DC. I'll be there anyway to work on the Senate vote, that's why I scheduled it. But since you know, I'll ask: it's okay if I take a couple hours off for that, right?"

He breathes a sigh of relief. She hadn't asked him to accompany her to Lamaze class, or anything absurd like he'd imagined. "Of course."

"Thanks, Will." She says brightly. She appears relieved to have the secret finally off her chest.

Will is anything but relieved.

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When Donna enters the Santos campaign headquarters, she's surprised to find that their climb in the polls hadn't yet translated to a nicer office. The place still has commercial signs stuffed against wall, and a few buckets are scattered across the floor, catching drips from the morning rain.

She spies Josh across the room, talking to a handful of staffers in his usual harried manner. There's something different about him, though. She's noticed it over the past few months.

He looks tired, and thinner. He lacks most of his usual humor, and even the characteristic boyishness. If she didn't know him better, she probably wouldn't notice how lost he is.

She's sure his staffers see him as infallible, a political machine powered by red bull and white board markers. But she knows him better than that. He's floundering. Though he was in charge of a staff of hundreds for more than six years, this is a different beast entirely. He isn't surrounded by his friends, his allies. He doesn't have Leo or the President to fall back on.

It's all him. He's always felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, and now moreso than ever. She's sure he's slowly being crushed.

And, she realizes with a stab of guilt, he doesn't have her anymore. To shoulder some of the burden. To talk him down when he gets too obsessive, to remind him to take a breath or eat something. To make sure he's sleeping.

She's been worried about him.

He sees her across the room, and for a moment, she catches a glimpse of the old Josh. He looks at her the same way he might've last year, when she walked into the bullpen. A slightly raised eyebrow, half a smirk. As if just the mere fact of them looking at each other is some sort of inside joke.

He approaches her, his expression becoming more wary as he does so. He's surprised. Floored, actually. She can't help but take a little pleasure in having totally floored Josh Lyman.

"Hey." He greets. "What are you doing here?" It's not harsh, just curious. A little reserved, maybe. He's holding out judgment.

She steadies herself. She's been anticipating this moments for weeks. Now that it's arrived, she isn't sure how to feel. Somehow, 'glad to see him' is at the top of the list.

She takes a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about something."

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 **Aggh what's going to happen? I had to leave you with a cliffhanger because I'm awful ;)**

 **Also, poor Will, am I right?**

 **Please let me know what you think, and if you're interested in me continuing this! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, apparently you guys liked it! :) Thank you so much for all your feedback, it made me want to write this chapter even more. I loved reading your thoughts and predictions, and I can't wait to (hopefully) read more of them! Without further ado, here's chapter two. I'm already head over heels for this story.**

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 _He sees her across the room, and for a moment, she catches a glimpse of the old Josh. He looks at her the same way he might've last year, when she walked into the bullpen. A slightly raised eyebrow, half a smirk, as if just the mere fact of them looking at each other is some sort of inside joke._

 _He approaches her, his expression becoming more wary as he does so. He's surprised. Floored, actually. She can't help but take a little pleasure in having totally floored Josh Lyman._

 _"Hey." He greets. "What are you doing here?" It's not harsh, just curious. A little reserved, maybe. He's holding out judgment._

 _She steadies herself. She's been anticipating this moments for weeks. Now that it's arrived, she isn't sure how to feel. Somehow, 'glad to see him' is at the top of the list._

 _She takes a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about something."_

He tries to appear unaffected by this news. "Okay. What?"

"Not here." She looks around at his meager collection of staffers, all trying to pretend they aren't watching her.

"Oh. Um, okay. My office?"

"That sounds good." Relieved, she follows him through a winding maze of desks, rain filled buckets, and, inexplicably, a kayak.

While he leads her through the office, he can't help but wonder why she's here. A campaign tip, maybe? Nothing to give him an edge, of course, but maybe she'd want to alert him if he was about to be blind sided. She'd still extend that courtesy, wouldn't she? He's not so sure.

He hasn't seen her in ages. Not up close, at least. Impossibly, she looks even better than he remembers.

"So." He sits hesitantly behind his desk, as she sinks into his vistor's chair. It's not really an office so much as a makeshift cubicle, but it's secluded enough. "What's up?"

"Well." She folds her hands in her lap, and crosses her legs. He tries not to think of her crossing every part of herself for luck. Thankfully, she looks about as uncomfortable as he does. "I need to talk to you about something."

"You already said that."

She silences him with a glare. "It's pretty... Big. And I've gone back and forth with myself about when to tell you, and how, but... it's time you know."

"What's going on?"

"The thing is..." She runs a hand through her hair and lets out a nervous chuckle. "This is so hard, oh my god. You have no idea."

Her smile does little to lessen his building anxiety. "Is it the congressman? Do you have something big on him that's going to leak? Because-"

"Josh." She interrupts him. "Please."

"It's good of you to come down here in person, it is, but if there isn't a lot of time-"

"Josh, I'm pregnant."

"-then we should... What?" Her words catch up with him abruptly. He must've misheard her.

"I'm pregnant." She repeats. She watches him carefully for any sign of a reaction. "You know, with child." She tries another tactic.

Josh just stares at her. He has trouble processing the news at all. His first reaction is denial. She can't be - there's no way. She looks the same as ever. Just last week, she was running all over the country and giving his campaign hell just the way he taught her. She can't be _pregnant_. He sits forward in his chair, and licks his lips. His mouth feels very dry, all of a sudden. "How... How long have you..."

That's not really what he's asking. "Three months. I'm three months pregnant."

"You... Oh. _Oh_."

"Which makes it yours."

He continues to stare at her. This can't be happening. "Mine?" He repeats in a stunned whisper.

"Yours." She confirms, starting to lose patience.

"You're sure?"

"Positive." She tells him. "There wasn't anyone for... A while, before."

"After?"

She looks deeply irritated. "Not that you have any right to know, but no, there hasn't been anyone since."

He appears minimally comforted by this news. He sinks back into his chair, the breath suddenly knocked from his body. "The pill. I thought you were on the pill." He didn't think to check that night. Hell, he didn't think at all that night.

She shrugs, defeated. She's been over this with herself a million times already, and berated herself each time. "I must've missed a day, while I was traveling. Or took it at the wrong time, or something. I don't know. Either way... We weren't really thinking about that, were we?"

She doesn't sound mad at him, or even at herself. She's come to terms with it by now. But then, she's had more time. "Three months?"

"Yeah."

His entire world is spinning. It's been spinning for three months, apparently, and he was none the wiser. "You didn't tell me for three months?"

A hint of fear creeps into her eyes. "That's how long they say you should wait to tell people."

"Yeah, your coworkers! Your cousin that you only see at holidays! Not the father, Jesus, Donna." Even as he lashes out at her, he can't help the strange feeling that possesses him as he uses the word father. _A father. Me. Holy shit._

"I didn't want you to be invested, in case something, you know... Happened." Her gaze drops to her lap, and he sees in her a moment of vulnerability.

"I still would've wanted to know." He says, softer this time. If something happened, he wanted to be there for her. This wasn't her burden alone - at least, it shouldn't be.

"Anyway." She shakes her head, brushing the moment off. "I've only known for a few weeks. And I've spent a lot of it... Processing."

"We could've processed together." He says feebly.

This earns him a weak smile. "You have to understand, I was going through a lot, and I knew you were too, and the amount of pressure it would've put on us..." She sighs. "How is that processing thing going for you, by the way?"

"Please, just... Keep talking. Don't ask me anything just yet." He puts his head in his hands, feeling a dull ache start at his temples. "I can't believe... I just..."

"I know." She says softly.

The irony in the room is thick. If either one of them had been asked to imagine this moment, of finding out they were a father or telling someone they were, both would've envisioned a moment of joy. A celebration too big for words, too big for this room. As much as Josh had never wanted kids, and would've put money on himself accidentally knocking someone up before he ever conceived a child of his own volition, he would've pictured the perfect moment. They both would've. Huge smiles, rough hugs, elated kisses and "I love you"s.

And, though they would've both denied it, the two people in that fantasy would be the same ones sitting across from each other right now.

It shouldn't have happened like this.

"I decided, you know, to keep it." She tells him gently. She doesn't get in to whether she would've told him if she'd decided not to. "I'm sorry, but that part isn't really up for debate."

From behind his hands, he just nods. He hopes it's with conviction. That possibility hadn't even occurred to him.

"But I've also decided that I'm not going to hold you responsible for anything." She starts bravely. "I made my choice, and I have to deal with it. This is what I want. But I understand if it's not what you want, too."

His hands drop from his face. "What?"

"I'm not here to ask you for anything. Your time, money, anything. I can handle it on my own."

"Then what are you-"

"It's your choice how involved you want to be." She's not going to make him feel beholden to her. His pity, his grudging involvement, would feel worse than his indifference. "It's entirely up to you. You can come to the appointments, you can be there when they're born, you can be as involved as you want. Or, as uninvolved as you want. You never have to be there. I'll never mention you to the baby, if you don't want. You won't be missed, you won't be an absent father. I wouldn't do that to you."

She's going off on one of her Donna spiels, which he can never tell if she'd prepared in advance or not. Overwhelmed, he just stares. She's beginning to blur before his eyes, and her words are coming in too fast for him to sort them all out.

"I know this isn't something you planned for." She shoots him a worried look. "And, me either, but I've decided I want this. You don't have to, okay? It's okay if you don't. That's all."

What happened to them? Why aren't they in this together, as they've always been with everything else? From work, to drunken nights, to hospital rooms and recoveries, they've never done anything that wasn't as a team.

"I... I don't know what to say."

She nods, as if she'd expected this. "That's okay. You don't have to decide what you want right now. You can let me know when you have an idea, whether it's tomorrow, a few weeks from now... Again, it's all up to you."

 _Yes, you've made that much abundantly clear. Thanks for the help._ She shifts in her chair, and he feels a momentary panic. "Are you leaving?"

"I've really gotta get back to work." She says apologetically. He suspects a layer of relief underneath. "Will doesn't know that I'm here, and... You know. Plus, you should have some time to think this over. On your own."

"I don't think very well on my own."

She smiles. "Chin up, okay? You'll get through this."

"I think better with you."

She shakes her head. "I'm not helping you on this one. This is your thing to decide. I can't give you the right answers, I can't be your sounding board. Not for this."

"You're just going to drop this on me and then leave?"

She opens her purse and then roots around for something. "This is for you."

He takes the proffered piece of paper, and flips it over. It's a sonogram.

"I thought you might want it." She says, some of her previous nerves creeping back through her mask of determination. "You don't have to keep it, but..."

"Thank you." He says hoarsely, unable to tear his eyes away from it. It doesn't look like a human yet - not at all. But somehow, the little black and white image, more shadow than living thing, has arrested every part of him. "Thank you."

His expression threatens to thaw her. She turns toward the exit before she can change her mind. "You can call me, okay? Once you've thought it over."

All he can do is nod. She leaves, pausing just for a moment to look back at him. He's still staring, eyes wide and helpless. As she makes her way back through the office, past the kayak and the buckets, a single tear spills over her cheek.

Back in the cubicle, her parting words echo in Josh's head. _Once you've thought it over._ He doesn't know how to think about this. Not critically, or logically, or even with his usual impulsive, "go with your gut" strategy. He doesn't know how to do anything but stare at the picture in his hands, of his child, and let himself be slowly buried under this feeling.

Whatever that may be.

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 _January 4th, 2006_

 _Donna was tired. She was bone-weary and flattened. From excess travel, to meeting what seemed to be hundreds of people, voters and staffers alike, to navigating her new job, which was equal parts thrilling and challenging... She was past beat. She'd only been in her new position for a couple of weeks, but it felt longer. Each day practically steamrolled her. And she was loving every minute of it._

 _It felt strange to be back in DC. Though she hadn't been gone long, a couple weeks anywhere else is practically years in district time. She already felt passed by._

 _She was there for the Vice President, who had a Senate vote to preside over the next day. Before and after the vote, Donna and a few other select staffers would be taking meetings with popular Congressmen from key districts to convince them to line up behind Bob Russell._

 _She'd been looking forward to a night in her own bed until she remembered that the woman from Treasury who was subletting her apartment had moved in on the first. And, since "twitchy" (an unfortunate nickname bestowed on her by Josh and CJ) wouldn't be paying her first rent check until the end of the month, Donna was a little strapped for cash. Any hotel that was close enough to the Hill for her to make her first morning meeting was bound to be priced through the roof at such short notice._

 _So, really, she had no choice. At least, that was what she told herself. Could she have asked CJ if she could crash on her couch? Yes. Could she have bothered her old roommate for a night on the futon? Definitely. Could she have slept in her car? She'd done it before. But, conveniently, none of those things occurred to her._

 _She had the key. It wasn't like she'd be breaking in. And she knew the Santos campaign to be in New Hampshire for the week, anyway, so he wouldn't be there. She'd leave the apartment in the same state it was when she got there, no matter how much it irked her not to make the bed. He wouldn't even know she was there._

 _Mostly, she just really needed a place to sleep. A place to sleep well, hopefully - and she knew one place that she'd be comfortable._

 _She got to his apartment a little before midnight, and tried not to feel watched as she snuck up the stairs and down the hallway. She'd long since memorized the entry code to his building. She slowed in front of his door, her heart thumping persistently, a reminder that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't do this casually._

 _She ignored her accelerating pulse and pulled out her keys, finding the right one in an instant. She fumbled a little with the lock, but in no time at all was tumbling inside with a breath of relief. She paused in the dark hallway and started to toe off her shoes, shoving her bulky overnight bag against the wall._

 _"Um, Donna?"_

 _She nearly collapsed against the wall in surprise. Halfway down the hall, leaning out of the doorway to the living room, was Josh._ Shit _. "Oh my god!"_

 _"What are you doing here?"_

 _She placed a hand over her heart. "Oh my god, you scared me."_

 _"I scared_ you _? You're the one that just broke into my apartment."_

 _She refrained from telling him that next time he fears he's being burgled, his reaction probably shouldn't be to lean casually into the hallway and watch the intruder enter. "I'm sorry. Crap, I didn't think you'd be here."_

 _"Yeah, obviously."_

 _"I just needed a place to stay, while I'm in town, and I'm subletting my apartment, and I had the key, so I thought, you know, and I wasn't going to wreck the place or anything, but..." She trailed off, her babbling made more difficult by her shortness of breath._

 _"You're in town for the Senate vote?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Me too."_

 _"Why?" She asked blankly._

 _"Because, I was working on it, you know. Back before I left. And CJ was hoping I could come up and see it through."_

Oh _. She should've known that, she'd been working on it right along with him. "Right. Right, of course, I'm sorry."_

 _He leaned back against the doorframe, staring at her. "That's okay."_

 _"I should go, obviously." She looked down, mortally embarassed. "I'm so sorry, again, I know this was wrong on so many levels, I do, so I'll just go, and..." She continued to babble as she started gathering up her things. She picked up her shoes in one hand, not wanting to waste any time putting them on before making a mad dash for the exit._

 _"Donna." He interrupted. "You can stay."_

 _She froze, crouched down and in the middle of pawing for her keys, which she'd dropped. "What?"_

 _"You can stay here. I mean, this was a little..." He gestured vaguely at her, a trace of amusement on his face. "Strange, but, you needed a place to stay. I get it."_

 _"You do?"_

 _He nodded, folding his arms. "You can stay here."_

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Josh is in a daze for the rest of the day. A few minutes after Donna left, Ronna appeared in his office and told him he had a call waiting. He could tell she was itching to ask what Donna had wanted, but he didn't give. He flipped the sonogram picture over on his desk, and took the call.

After that, he was on his feet most of the day. He went through his meetings and events on autopilot, mind anywhere but on what he was doing. It wasn't exactly on the question that Donna had put to him, either. It was mostly just buzzing faintly.

He finds a moment to himself mid-afternoon. He pulls the sonogram picture out of his pocket, where he'd stowed it hastily. He stares at it, his chest throbbing painfully. The now familiar feeling of overwhelming awe rushes over him. Every shape, every stray splotch, he now knows intimately, but he'll never tire of looking at it.

He remembers a conversation he and Donna had long ago, back on the first Bartlet for America campaign. He had thrown her into the deep end by asking her to distract a Congressman, while he went to find the DNC big wig he needed something from. Predictably, she'd floundered at first, but rose rapidly to the occasion, as he knew she could.

" _What are you talking about? You did great."_

" _Josh!"_ She said lividly, flicking a strand of hair out of her face. God, she was adorable. " _That was not great! I asked him where he bought his pants, for God's sake."_

 _"He seemed quite engaged with you by the end, there."_

 _"I think he thought I was hitting on him!"_ She said in a furious whisper. They were still at the cocktail mixer, sequestered against a wall.

He shrugged, unable to help a grin. " _He's an attractive sort of man."_

 _"He has dentures!"_

 _"In his day, I mean."_

 _"Ha, ha. Very funny."_

" _Oh, c'mon. This was great experience. You got out there and did a job, and now you don't have to worry about it anymore. Next time, you'll be great. And I'm sure this'll make for a great memory, for years to come."_

 _"I'm sure."_ She said sarcastically. " _I'll be telling this story to my kids, my grandkids, and my great grandkids a million times over."_

He raised an eyebrow at her. " _You want kids?"_ Those were the days that their conversation could slip seamlessly from meaningless and trivial to serious and weighty in an instant. But then, those days lasted until very recently.

She looked taken aback by the question. " _Well, yeah. I do. Of course I do. Someday."_

He took a sip of his drink. " _Huh."_

 _"What? You don't?"_

He shrugged. " _I can't really see myself as someone's 'dad' anytime soon, can you?"_ He didn't really answer her question.

She looked at him considerately. " _I don't know. I could. Raising hell at PTA meetings, cheering overly loudly at little league games. Getting way too into first grade 'career day.' I could see you with kids."_

And though his mother had been bothering him about grandchildren for a good five years by then, that was the first time that he could, too.

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 _January 4th, 2006_

 _An hour after she arrived, Donna found herself sitting on the couch with her former boss. She had changed into her pajamas for the night, an old Bartlet shirt and striped boxers. After a brief argument about who would take the couch (Josh was, for some reason unbeknownst to her, chivalrous on the issue until the bitter end) they settled down to watch CSPAN and do some respective paperwork._

 _Josh had had his laptop open and files spread across his table when she walked in, evidently in the middle of working, but had moved to sit beside her. It felt weird to be behind her, watching over her shoulder._

 _There was a thick wall of tension and discomfort between them, which neither had the courage to broach for several minutes. They hadn't exactly left things in a good place. Hell, they hadn't really left things at all._

 _He was tense beside her, and she knew he was hiding how wounded he was. She felt marginally guilty, but if her independence and self worth had to come at such a high price, it was still worth it._

 _"So... The Santos campaign." She started bluntly._

 _His head whipped toward her. "What about it?"_

 _"Just that you started a campaign, that's all. I had no idea you wanted to."_

 _He gazed at her intensely. A little coldly, he said, "Yeah, well."_

 _She didn't tell him that she'd been a little bit hurt when she found out. Usually, she was in on his every thought. And then, he'd up and quit his job, the one she thought he would never leave, to pursue the candidacy of a man she'd barely heard him mention. But then, maybe their communication hadn't been the best lately._

 _He didn't tell her that he hadn't been considering leaving until she had. She'd left because she felt inconsequential, but if things worked out the way he planned, she might've changed the course of national history._

 _"Sorry." She said softly. She wasn't sure what she was apologizing for._

 _He softened. "No, it's... Yeah. Matt Santos. He's a great guy, really. He's got what it takes. And what's more, he's got what we need."_

 _She liked the spark in his eyes. She'd missed it. "Right."_

 _"We're having a little trouble getting off the ground, but... I think we've got a shot."_

 _"I don't doubt it." How could she, with him at the helm. She knew what he was capable of._

 _He shrugged dismissively. He didn't believe her. "So how's Bingo Bob?"_

 _That was definitely the wrong thing to say. She stiffened. "We're doing well. Perhaps you've noticed." She said pointedly._

 _"I have."_

 _"I know what you think of him, okay? But he's the democratic frontrunner. And aside from that, my choosing to work for his campaign wasn't necessarily about believing in him, it was about-"_

 _"You don't need to say it again." He cut her off, his surge of emotion masked in gruffness. "The needing room to grow, the whole speech. Please, just... Don't say it again." A hint of pain crept into his voice. He covered with half a smile, as if he was joking._

 _She looked away. "Maybe we should call it a night."_

 _"Are you tired?"_

 _"No." Though she was ready to collapse an hour ago, she was wide awake now._

 _"Me either."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"You want a drink, or something?"_

 _"Not really."_

 _"You wanna keep watching this?"_

 _She stared absently at the polling data flashing across the screen. It was nothing she hadn't already seen. "Not really."_

 _He turned it off. "Okay."_

 _Another wall of tension and discomfort descended over them._

 _"I didn't mean to be a jerk, just then." He offered._

 _She shook her head. "It's okay."_

 _"I should probably make some phone calls." He said apologetically._

 _"Oh. Okay."_

 _He didn't reach for his phone. "Unless..."_

 _"Unless what?"_

 _He turned to look at her. There was a strange fierceness in his eyes that not even she recognized. She wasn't sure if it was directed at her, or if it contained malice._

 _Before she knew what was happening, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. The pressure was firm but not insistent, and for a moment she had no idea what to do._

 _He pulled back an inch. "Sorry, I-"_

 _She placed her hands on either side of his head and kissed him without hesitation._

 _The next few minutes passed in a blur of ragged breathing, thumping hearts, a frenzied undoing of buttons and_ eight years. _He gently lowered her back onto the couch, and then slid her more firmly under him. She struggled to take her shirt off, so he helped her out of it. He stared down reverently at her for a moment, making her blush and smile, before fervently kissing everywhere from her neck to her belly button._

 _The next thing she knew, he was kneeling in front of her, her legs loose around his waist, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Are you sure?"_

 _She didn't say anything, just tugged at his belt buckle and nodded._

 _Shortly thereafter, he was pressed against her, heat trapped between them as their breathing slowed to normal speed. It was possible, she considered, that they could be stuck this way. She wouldn't mind._

 _He nuzzled her neck and kissed a spot behind her ear that made her squirm. She ran her hands through his hair, down his neck, grazed his shoulders with her nails. Her knees were bent on either side of his waist._

 _Eventually, he said, "This wasn't how this was supposed to happen."_

 _Alarm bells flared somewhere at the back of her clouded brain, mistaking what he'd said to mean 'this shouldn't have happened.' "What do you mean?"_

 _"This was so... Fast."_

 _"Bad?" She didn't fully articulate the question. Air was having trouble finding her lungs._

 _"No." He shook his head. "God, no, I just... I wanted this to be slower. Better. I wanted us to take our time."_

 _"Wanted?"_

 _He kissed her temple. "Eight years."_

 _She grinned, and shook her head. "No. This was perfect."_

 _"You think?"_

 _"Perfect." She repeated more softly. After eight years, it would've been strange if they'd thought to take it slow. It would've been wrong if they hadn't wanted each other that much, that desperately._

 _He smiled against her neck. Gingerly, he raised himself up to sit back on his heels. He stared down at her with remarkable warmth, and unveiled desire. He ran one hand gently along the side of her ribcage, across her stomach, up her sternum. She smiled up at him serenely, renewed heat building in the wake of his hand. "There are just so many other things I want to do for you."_

 _He dipped his head again, finding the hollow of her collarbones with his mouth. He trailed down the center of her chest before straying to one side and pulling her into his mouth._

 _Her back arched involuntarily as she pulled his hair. The noises she was making were probably embarrassing, but she wasn't in enough command to stop them._

 _He stopped again in the center of her chest, and she tried vainly to catch her breath before he moved to the other side lazily._

 _"Listen." She started in a shaky voice. "As much as I would love to stay like this for possibly the rest of my life..."_

 _He raised his head. "Yeah?"_

 _"My leg." She said apologetically. It had started to ache a while ago, but it had taken her some time to notice, and even longer to care. "I'm sorry."_

 _"Hey, don't apologize." He sat back on his heels again, and ran one hand over her knee. "It's okay, we should move to the bed anyway."_

 _She watched him in amusement as he climbed off her onto the floor. They'd been so rushed, she hadn't even gotten his pants off. "Why's that?"_

 _"For round two."_

 _"There's going to be a round two?"_

 _"As many rounds as you want."_

 _She liked the sound of that. For as long as she'd been having sex, she hadn't met many guys who weren't "one and done," generally preferring to fall asleep after. And though she'd wanted nothing more than a decent night's sleep when she'd let herself in that night, now, she couldn't think of anything more appealing than staying up with him for hours on end._

 _"Lead the way."_

 _Before she can protest, he bent down and lifted her into his arms. She stared at him as he started to carry her back toward his bedroom._

 _"Seriously?"_

 _"Oh, this is the least of the many wonderful things I can do for you."_

 _She was happy to see his telltale ego creeping back through. She laughed. "Is that so?"_

 _"Uh huh." He set her down on his bed, surprisingly gentle. Again, he stared at her, so gorgeous and tousled and impossible as she watched him curiously._

 _"What?"_

 _"You're perfect."_

 _She couldn't seem to find a response to that. She smiled._

 _"Lay back."_

 _She obliged. Under any other circumstances, she hated receiving orders, but this was different. He climbed over her again, capturing her mouth in his._

 _When he lifted his head again, she tugged at his belt loops. "You gonna take these off any time soon?"_

 _He grinned at her madly. "Nope. Not yet."_

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Toward the end of the day, Josh is having a one on one with the Congressman, but can't seem to hold his own. Matt notices.

"Something wrong, Josh?"

"How did it feel when you found out you were going to be a father?" He asks abruptly. He'd been considering asking him for almost an hour. He was one of the few fathers working on the campaign, and generally speaking, one of the best Josh knew.

Matt looks at him as if he'd gone crazy. "What?"

"When you found out you were going to be a father for the first time." Josh rubs at his forehead, already regretting this. "How did it feel?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Congressman..."

"It doesn't have to do with the campaign, does it?" Matt deduces.

"No."

Matt scrutinizes him for a moment. He looks impossibly lost, not an expression one usually hopes to see on their campaign manager. "I felt... I can't describe it. It was amazing. Awestruck. I was awestruck."

"Right."

"I mean, I was overjoyed. But I was overwhelmed, too. No one prepares you for that moment."

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you what this is about?"

Josh takes a deep breath. "I got some news today."

"And?"

Josh gives him a wary look. "Congressman, I'm sorry..."

Matt holds up a hand. "You'll tell me when you're ready."

His campaign manger looks back at him with boundless gratitude. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"You, um... You never had any doubt, did you? That that was what you wanted?"

Matt hesitates. "I had some doubts about whether I would be a good father, sure. But at the end of the day... You see that first sonogram, you hear that first heartbeat... You know you're going to die trying."

Josh thinks back, suddenly, to a conversation with his own father, decades ago. It was Father's Day, and Josh was about six or seven at the time. He and Joanie made Noah breakfast (or rather, Joanie did, while Josh bounced around the kitchen unhelpfully). They brought it to him in bed, and after Joanie left to hunt down some breakfast for herself, Josh hopped up next to his dad and started munching on one of his pieces of bacon.

" _Dad?"_

 _"Joshua?"_ Noah echoed.

" _How did you know that you wanted to be a dad, dad?"_

Noah smiled. He knew his son was past the age where he needed to tell him that he'd always dreamed of being a father, and that he'd wanted him for as long as he'd lived. " _I knew when I met your mother."_

Josh's eyes widened. " _Really?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Why?"_

He was ever an inquisitive child. " _Because that's when I knew I could be good at it. With her by my side, I knew I could do anything."_

 _"Huh."_

 _"We wanted a family together. And now I love being a father more than I could've ever possibly imagined."_

Josh slumped down against his side, and swiped a strawberry. " _Huh."_

 _"Do you think you'll ever want to be a father?"_

Josh wrinkled his nose. " _No."_

 _"No? You don't?"_

 _"Nope. Too much to do."_

Noah chuckled. " _Well, maybe you'll change your mind one day. Meet a nice girl..."_

Josh looked at him incredulously. " _A nice girl is an oxymoron."_

Noah couldn't help but grin. Only his son would know how to use the word 'oxymoron' while still at the age that he thought girls were gross. " _You'll see, son. One day."_

Josh jolts suddenly back to the present. "Thank you, Congressman."

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 _January 5th, 2006_

 _Josh's alarm went off at five. He reached over to turn it off before sitting back against the headboard, staring at the woman starting to stir beside him. Donna pulled herself to his side of the bed, and rested her head on his stomach. She kissed his scar._

 _The last time she'd seen it, it looked so angry. It still had the stitches in. She was happy to see it now looked like an integral part of him, moving easily up and down with each breath._

 _"I have an early meeting. I'm sorry."_

 _"It's okay. I do too." She suspected now that he'd probably come to do some of the same work that she had._

 _He sighed. "Listen..."_

 _She sighed too. "Yeah. Here it comes."_

 _"I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wish..."_

 _She shook her head. "I know. It's okay."_

 _"Maybe after the dust has settled..."_

 _"After the convention?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _She swallowed. That was a long time to wait. "No, I understand. We work for opposing campaigns."_

 _"Yeah. That complicates things."_

 _"And we'd never see each other." She didn't want to see him every two weeks, only to have to tiptoe around their work lives, to have him look at her with barely veiled resentment at the man she worked for._

 _"Yeah."_

 _If they were going to do this, they were going to go all the way. That much she knew. And she wasn't ready to give up the independence from him she'd only just won. It would be hard, but maybe, just maybe, it would mean they'd be closer at the end of all this._

 _"Last night was..." She feared for a moment that he would say 'a mistake.' "...Perfect."_

 _She smiled. "It was."_

 _Maybe he wasn't totally ready to forgive her, either. "I guess that's it, for now."_

 _"For now." She echoed sadly._

 _The words sat on the tip of his tongue. 'I love you.' "I should probably get in the shower."_

 _"I'll join you."_

 _It was a hard goodbye, but it was a good one._

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Josh barrels into his office and grabs his phone off the desk. He presses number one on speed dial, because he still hasn't taken her off. He waits impatiently for her answer.

"Hello?" She picks up finally.

"I'm in."

She hesitates. "Josh?"

"Yeah, who else? I'm in, I want to do this. I want to be there. For all of it. You and me, right? This is how it's supposed to be."

He can hear her smile through the phone. "Josh, I..."

"Appointments, sonograms, you name it. I'm there."

"Really?"

"Of course I am! Jesus, Donna, what the hell was all that 'it's up to you, you don't have to be involved' bullshit? Of course I want to be involved. This is our kid."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"And I want to see you. Soon. There's more to talk about. And, well, I just want to see you."

"Okay. Yeah. That sounds good. This week?"

"Yeah. You can call me."

Halfway across the country, on a bus, she bounces happily. Will watches her surreptitiously. "Okay, I will."

"I can't believe you thought I didn't want to be involved." He berates her one more time.

"I'm sorry, I just thought..."

"We're having a baby." He interrupts her, awe robbing him of breath. "Can you believe that?"

Another tear slips over her face. "Yeah. Pretty amazing, right?"

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 **Aw, we all knew Josh was going to do the right thing, didn't we? ;) I'm surprised at how many of you doubted he was the father. After reading some reviews, I thought very briefly of changing the plot and making it someone crazy instead, to keep things interesting. But, I digress. We all knew this was meant to happen.**

 **Also, I think I'm going to find a way to slip Noah Lyman into everything I write from now on.**

 **Let me know what you think! Thoughts/feelings/reactions/predictions, I can't wait to read 'em all. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Looks like this story is overdue for an update! :) Thank you so much for all of the wonderful feedback. I can't wait to get this story rolling.**

 **Just so you know, this chapter is kind of a rough ride. Sorry in advance.**

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"Do I look fat to you?"

Now, Will Bailey isn't exactly an expert when it comes to women, but even he knows that there's no good way for this conversation to end. "Um, what?"

"I asked if I look fat." Donna repeats distractedly, staring down at her stomach. Thankfully, her eyes aren't boring into his, so it appears she's mostly just thinking out loud and isn't too invested in his answer.

"Of course not. I... Of course not." He says reflexively. He watches as she pulls at her lavender sweater. Since she'd told him about the pregnancy a week or so ago, he'd been on the lookout for evidence of it. While he's had plenty as far as limited caffeine and fatigue went, he hadn't seen any evidence of her physical expansion yet. But then, this sweater is a bit tighter than her usual ones, and he has to admit... "I mean, you are..." He glances around the office surreptitiously. "Pregnant," he whispers.

She rolls her eyes. "I know that. But aside from you, no one else in this building knows, so they can't tell. I'm in the awkward 'is she fat or is she pregnant?' stage, and let me tell you, right now, I'd be leaning toward fat."

"You don't look fat." He repeats, now seriously looking around for an escape route. "Or pregnant." He adds for good measure.

"Well, I guess it was bound to happen sometime." She mutters.

"Right." He tries not to think selfishly of the press's reaction when his unmarried spokeswoman starts to balloon up.

She smiles suddenly. "You know, I was talking to him yesterday - the father - on the phone, and he asked when I'd start showing."

"Oh?" Will says, too loud. _She's talking to the father? She told him?_

"I told him I already was, a little, but you can only really tell without clothes on." She shakes her head, smiling. "He asked to see."

"That's, um... Obnoxious." Will tries.

"Oh, I don't know. It is his baby. And it's nothing he hasn't seen before, right?" She jokes. She seems unbothered by the request, unlike Will.

"Right." Will clears his throat delicately. "So, you told him?"

"What?"

"The father. You told him?"

She furrows her brow. "Didn't I tell you about that?"

"No."

"I really thought I did." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I think it's a little early for me to blame this on pregnancy brain. I don't know, it's been a chaotic few days, you know..."

"Of course." Will immediately allows. "Of course, I understand."

"I told him earlier this week." She clarifies.

"Oh. How did he... Take it?" Obviously pretty well, if they're joking around on the phone.

"Really well." She can't help but smile. He realizes now that her change in mood this week was likely due to that. "I mean, when I first told him, he looked like he'd been hit over the head with something, of course."

"Of course." Will agrees.

"I told him he didn't have to be involved or anything. That I didn't want his time, his money, anything. I gave him my whole prepared spiel." She'd shared a little of this spiel with Will last week, trying to calm her nerves. "And I gave him time to think it over... But by the end of the day, he was calling me, telling me that he's all in. He wants to be a part of this." She shrugs happily. "I have to admit, I'm kind of relieved."

Will isn't. "I'll bet."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I really did mean to. You've been so great about all of this, and helpful, and I do want to be above board about everything-"

He waves a hand. "Don't worry about it, Donna. Even as your boss, it's none of my business."

She shrugs again. "As my friend, it is."

That puts him in slightly better spirits. "So, you and him..."

"I'm meeting him for coffee on Friday. To talk about it. I haven't seen him since I told him." She misinterprets the direction of his question.

"That's good."

"I think so."

"Think you'll show him your stomach?"

She smiles at his playful jab. "I seriously, seriously doubt it."

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 _Friday_

The room is spinning. Her head is spinning. She's possibly going to throw up. Or faint. And this chai latte is _not. Cutting. It._

"Donna?" Josh prompts from across the table, concerned.

She holds up one hand to ward him off, the other on her forehead. She closes her eyes, shutting out the very offensive velvet box on the table between them.

"You heard me, right?"

"Oh, I heard you!" She manages to spit out. It comes out somewhere between a manic laugh and a cry.

"So, will you-"

"No! Jesus Christ, no! Of course I won't marry you, what the fuck were you thinking?"

Things had started out pretty innocuously. He seemed elated to see her, if a little nervous. But then, who could blame him? How else should a guy act when faced with his ex... Assistant? Best friend? Lover? _And_ the current mother of his child.

He'd bought her not-coffee, they'd sat at a corner table, and everything was going fine. They joked about baby names, they talked about the next appointment and whether they wanted to find out the gender or be surprised. When suddenly, from his pocket, or possibly from the depths of hell, he procured...

Josh splutters. "I was thinking - well-"

"Oh my _god_." She moans.

"What's so wrong about this? I don't understand."

"You're just doing this because I'm pregnant!" She snaps, beyond irritated that he could be so clueless.

"So?" He asks, nonplussed.

Appalled, she finally opens her eyes to stare at him. "So... This isn't a real proposal! It's not like we're together, or you love me-"

"But I do love you."

She buries her head in her hands again, and goes back to moaning, " _Oh my god."_

"What? I do."

"No you don't, Josh! Oh my god."

"Of course I love you. I've loved you for years."

"I can't believe this is happening." She says numbly.

"I mean, it wasn't exactly supposed to happen like this, but this is the ending I've always-"

"Please. Stop. Talking." She says forcefully. She takes a few deep breaths to collect herself before raising her head. "You don't love me."

"Yes I-"

"And you don't want to marry me."

"Actually-"

"You're just doing this because I'm pregnant."

He sits back in his chair, staring at her with something between denial and hurt. "I wouldn't say _just_ -"

"Please. I can't do this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because!" She exclaims, before realizing they're drawing some eyes. "Because," she repeats more quietly, "we agreed. We agreed not to be involved."

"Until after the convention, yeah, I remember. But don't you think circumstances have changed a little?"

She grits her teeth. "That's just it. They shouldn't have. If we couldn't make it work before, but now you want to, you're just proving that the only reason you want this is because of the baby."

"It put kind of a timer on the whole thing, yeah, but I still would've-"

She starts shaking her head before he can finish. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't lie to me. We get involved now because of this pregnancy, we get-" she exhales in frustration, "- _married_ , then in a couple years you'll resent the hell out of me."

"No I won't. You're... You're what I want."

Adamantly, she doesn't look at him. "You're just confused."

"I'm really not. This is one of the few times that I'm not."

"I don't believe you."

"Well what can I do to-"

"Nothing." She's practically shaking with anger. "There is _nothing_. I'm not going to marry you, Josh."

He looks heartbroken. It doesn't thaw her. "But-"

"This was the most condescending, presumptuous thing you've ever done."

His heartbroken look changes halfway into confusion. "What?"

"Assuming I'd want to marry you! God, all I did was tell you I was pregnant, and you show up expecting I want to spend the rest of my life with you. As if I've just been _waiting_ for you to pop the question." She says scathingly. She leans back in her chair, fuming, and folds her arms. "I can't believe you."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, listen, you and everyone else may have thought that I've been waiting for you all this time." He's obviously hit a nerve. "That I've been moping and pining for eight years, waiting for you to waltz in and make an honest woman out of me, but guess what? I haven't. And I'm sure as hell not now."

He's at a loss. "I know that."

"Do you?" She rebukes mutinously. Underneath her fury, she's barely holding it together. Tremulously, she picks up her cup and takes a sip of her unsatisfactory coffee imposter.

"I... I didn't mean... I wasn't thinking-"

"You weren't thinking at all."

"I'm sorry."

"Can you please get that damn thing off the table?"

Meekly, he grabs the ring box and closes it before sliding it back into his pocket. A lump forms in his throat. "Can I... Can I still..."

"You're the father, aren't you?" She anticipates his question. "Of course you can still be involved."

He relaxes in relief. "Thank you."

"With the baby. Not with me." She swills her drink irritably, gazing out the window. "Jackass," she adds in a mutter.

Crushed as he is, the familiarity of the rebuke gives him the smallest bit of hope.

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Will watches as Donna reenters the office mid-afternoon. She'd let him know when she left for her meeting with her baby's father a couple hours prior, and Will had wished her luck. He still wasn't sure if there was any kind of romantic context for the meeting, but he really did want the best for her. She deserved it.

"Donna." He calls as she reaches her desk. He approaches her as she sits down without taking her coat off. "How was it?"

She groans, and thumps her forehead down on her keyboard.

Will laughs, assuming she's exaggerating for comedic effect. "That bad?"

"He proposed."

"He... What?"

"He proposed to me. He asked me to marry him."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, oh my god is right."

"Well, what did you say?" He can pretty much guess, but he wants to make sure before he says anything stupid.

She helpfully holds up her left hand, which is still unadorned. "Do I look engaged to you?"

"No."

"Well, I'm not."

"Huh." Will leans back against the wall. "He proposed?"

"I'm still in shock."

"But you guys aren't even involved." Will attempts to clarify.

"I know that! You know that! He knows that too! And anyone who knows that would use common sense, and understand that you don't propose to your goddamn one night stand!"

"Well, yeah." He agrees hesitantly.

"But then, he's always been a little lacking in the common sense department." She mutters. She sits up, and Will decides not to tell her that she has the bottom row of her keyboard imprinted on her forehead. "It was so insulting."

"Yeah, I guess it'd have to be. Just assuming you'd want to marry him."

"Exactly!" Donna points at him enthusiastically. "What am I, pathetic? Do I look like someone who'd leap at the chance to marry someone I haven't even been out on a date with?"

"No. No, you don't."

"Thank you." She sniffs primly. "I mean, I am oversimplifying it a little. It's not like we were strangers. We were... I don't know. But, still."

"Still a big leap to take."

She smiles, relieved to have someone in her corner. "Thanks for agreeing with me, Will."

"Hey, I don't want to upset a pregnant woman." He jokes, trying to deflect.

"Fair enough."

"I can't believe he proposed to you."

"Me either." She says numbly. "He said... He said he loved me." She recalls softly. Despite her incredulity, she can't help but replay those words in her head, over and over again.

"Maybe he does." Will says half-heartedly.

She smiles again, shaking her head. "It's stupid. Let's just get back to work, okay?"

"Yeah." He stands up off the wall. "Whatever you want."

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 **Okay, time to warn you: things are gonna be pretty rough for J/D for a while. There are going to be numerous times in the coming chapters that you're going to want to bang either (or both) of their heads against a wall. Proceed at your own risk ;)**

 **So what do you think? Was Josh's proposal as royally stupid and obnoxious as Donna thinks it was? Is Donna way overreacting?**

 **We'll get more of Josh's side of this in the next chapter :) Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Alright, let's get back to this story, shall we? Sorry for the delay in updates, I was struck by a flash of inspiration now known as _The Formative Years_ lol.**

 **Anyway, thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! You certainly didn't hold back with your opinions. You were fairly split on whether you thought Donna's reaction was out of line or not. Now, while I'm going to try to hold myself back from typing out a lengthy feminist diatribe to you all, I will go ahead and say this: If a guy proposed to me right after I told him I was pregnant, I'd probably react the same way. And though, as many of you pointed out, Josh and Donna have a history, I think that only compounds the situation. He hasn't said anything for years, and then suddenly when she gets knocked up, he loves her? Friends, I would be just as suspicious as Donna. And I'd be hurt - can you imagine what it's like to love someone for years, only for them to suddenly (or so it appears) decide they love you back, all because you got pregnant? That's gotta be painful as all hell, especially if you've believed for so long that your love is unrequited.**

 **Sorry for the spiel. I just thought it was important you know what my intentions were with that last chapter. That being said, I appreciate all of the feedback. I can always learn from you guys, and I have already learned a few things from you with regard to this story, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter four!**

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The building of private medical offices isn't in one of the more well known medical parks, which Josh is thankful for. It's less likely they'll be seen here. Not that the story leaking is at the top of his list of things to worry about - but, because he is who he is, it is _on_ the list. He's thankful it's not at GW, or at the physical therapy place they'd both frequented. She'd gone there on his reccomendation, and because she was already on good terms with so many of the staff members. Still, the memories of most medical facilities in the city are tainted.

This one isn't. _Yet_ , he can't help but add in his head.

She beats him there, because she always beats him everywhere. She's made more than a few comments over the years about his poor timing. Ironic.

Her beat up, junky car is in the parking lot when he gets there. She hasn't gotten a new one since he's known her, and that's saying something. When she offered to sell her car during the first Bartlet campaign, she wasn't talking about bringing in a whole lot of revenue, even then.

He's glad to see the bumper, plastered over the years with copious Bartlet stickers, has yet to be graced by one of Bingo Bob's.

He finds her in one of the hard plastic chairs in the waiting room, reading a briefing memo instead of the magazines the other two women are leafing through. It makes him smile.

"Hey." He sinks down into the chair beside her. He thinks vaguely that they should probably invest in some better chairs. They've got numerous pregnant women coming through the place on the daily, after all.

"Hey." She barely looks up at him.

He hasn't seen her in a week. Not since that fateful day. He's thought about her relentlessly, of course. How could he not? He'd moved over the course of the seven days from crushed, to regetful, to defeated, to determined. It's been quite the whirlwind for him, really.

Not that she knows any of this. All she wanted to talk about when she called was this very appointment. He wonders what the past week has been like for her, and if she's had any of the same reactions that he has. "How are you feeling?" seems the safest question.

"Fine." She flips a page of her memo.

"Donna." He tries to keep the sigh out of his voice.

"Nausea's gone, I'm hungry seemingly at all times, my feet hurt like hell, and, oh yeah, I've gotta pee like five times an hour." She gives him a look. "Happy?"

"Yeah, thanks." She raises her eyebrows. "I mean not happy that you're dealing with all of that, obviously, but..."

She rolls her eyes. "Thanks."

"Anything I can do?"

"Nope." She looks back down at her memo determinedly.

Josh feels vastly out of place. The other two women are staring at him. He shifts restlessly in his seat and leans in toward her, making her stiffen. "Donna, let me explain."

"No."

"C'mon, I've thought a lot about it. I know what I did was stupid. Let me-"

"I think you've done enough, Josh." She hisses.

That stings. "Listen, I know. I know it was stupid. But you always see past the stupid things I do, to my intentions. You're the one person who sees past the impulsive stupidity, and poor social cues, to what I actually meant."

"Not this time."

"Please. Give me five minutes, I-"

"I'm done making excuses for you." She says coolly.

He fumbles. "Then let me make 'em. I've got like ten I'm dying to try out on you."

"Josh, please. Not now."

"I'm not so good with the whole patience thing." He needs her to understand. He needs them to be on the same page again. They should go in there as a team.

"You're going to be a parent. Now's probably a good time to learn."

Just then, a nurse appears in the doorway with a clipboard. "Donna Moss?"

Donna stands up, plastering a smile on her face. Josh jumps up beside her, and they follow the nurse into a narrow hallway. Reflexively, Josh puts his hand on the small of her back as he walks at her shoulder, but a quick glare makes him retract it.

"So, how have you been feeling since we last saw you, Donna?"

"Good. Really good."

Josh gives her a skeptical look, but she doesn't meet his gaze. She sits on a stool as the nurse takes her blood pressure. "Any nausea?"

"Nope, that's pretty much gone."

"Cramping?"

"Nope."

"Fatigue?"

"Some."

The nurse makes a note in her chart. "That's fairly normal. Can I get you to step on the scale?"

Donna obliges, giving Josh another glare which he takes to mean, _don't look at the number._ He sticks his hands in his pockets and averts his eyes, feeling very useless.

He would very much like to be joking with her throughout this process. He'd like to be sharing smiles and quips about mood swings, he'd like to take her hand.

"Huh." The nurse makes another note in her chart. "You're a little behind on your weight gain."

Both Josh and Donna knit their brows in concern. "I am?"

"You're fourteen weeks, right?"

"Yes."

"Then, yeah, I'm afraid so. It's nothing to worry about, I'll have Dr. Lee talk to you about it some more."

"What does... What does that mean?" Josh can't help but ask as Donna gets off the scale, and the nurse gets out a measuring tape. "I mean, that can't be good, right?"

Josh gets the feeling Donna had wanted him to be pretty much silent during this visit, but she doesn't shoot him any looks for asking the question. Maybe she's wondering too.

"It's really nothing to worry about." The nurse reassures him. "Everyone's body reacts to pregnancy differently. Some women have more trouble putting on weight than others. It doesn't mean the baby's not growing, necessarily, it just means your wife isn't. Not the projected amount, anyway."

"I'm not his..." Donna starts, but decides it isn't worth it. "Thank you, Louise."

"Sure thing." Louise gives them a smile, and leads them down the hall a ways more. She gestures to an open door. "Here's your room. Dr. Lee will be in shortly."

"Thank you." They both say. Josh follows Donna inside, unable to keep himself from looking around, mildly horrified.

"They put those things inside people?"

"Josh."

"Oh god, this is gruesome. I'm so glad I'm not a woman."

"Josh? Pregnant woman about to be treated over here."

"Right, sorry." He sinks into the plastic visitor's chair beside the exam chair. "Are those... Stirrups?"

"Josh." She warns again.

"Okay, okay." He squeezes his eyes shut. "Anyway. Are you not eating enough?"

She takes a deep breath. "I knew you'd do this."

"What? I'm worried."

"I'm eating, okay? I am."

"But enough is the key word."

"I don't know. I'm trying. I've practically been gorging myself the past few weeks, but, I guess before that I was having more aversions than cravings."

"It's not because you're too busy?"

She silences him with a glare.

"You're right. Probably best to wait for the professional's opinion."

"What a thought." Donna mutters.

They wait in tense silence for the next five minutes. Donna avoids eye contact with Josh, and Josh avoids eye contact with pretty much all medical equipment and anatomy diagrams in the room. Finally, a stout brunette woman opens the door after knocking once.

"Dr. Lee." Donna greets, relief filling her voice.

"Donnatella. I see we've got company this go round." Dr. Lee is experienced enough to know not to ask if he's her boyfriend, husband, or the baby's father.

"Hi." Josh greets lamely, still feeling a tad queasy. He attempts to pull himself together, and extends a hand. "Josh Lyman."

Dr. Lee accepts his hand with a smile. "Nice to meet you."

"He's the father." Donna figures she might as well tell her now. She's bound to figure it out eventually.

Josh senses the reluctance in her tone. "Yeah. That's, uh, that's right."

Dr. Lee gives them a thin lipped smile as she examines Donna's chart. "Wonderful," is all she says, not betraying any emotion.

Donna rather likes Dr. Lee. She's no-nonsense.

"So I hear you're not gaining as much weight as we'd expected?"

"That's what they tell me." Donna tries to keep her nerves out of her voice.

"Have you been eating?"

"Yes." Donna ignores Josh's pointed look. "A lot. More than eating for two. More like eating for three."

"What about your lifestyle? Are you taking it fairly easy?"

"Fairly." Josh can't contain a scoffing noise. Donna glares at him. "Okay, not so much. I've got a very demanding job. I travel a lot, I work long hours."

"Oh yes, I've seen you." Dr. Lee tells her. "You're very poised, by the way."

Donna beams. "Thank you."

"But, nevertheless, your job might have something to do with it. Especially if you're not sleeping enough, or if you're overly stressed."

Donna looks down guiltily, twisting her hands in her lap. "Those are both probably accurate assessments."

"I see. Well, we'll know more once we take a look at the baby, and then we'll go from there, okay?"

"Sounds good."

Dr. Lee pulls a cart with her toward Donna's chair, and Donna automatically lifts her sweater up. Josh can't help but stare. She was right - with her clothes on, any sign of pregnancy might as well be imagined. But uncovered, the slight convex curve of her stomach is undeniable. He's awestruck. There's seriously something in there, no question about it now.

Donna exhales loudly, and his gaze snaps up guiltily. At first he fears she's sighing in irritation, but then he catches her eye and realizes she's amused. She finds his fascination funny.

"Sorry." He mutters.

"That's okay." She practically giggles.

He moves his chair in closer.

"Might be a little cold." Dr. Lee warns before squirting the gel onto Donna's stomach. Josh is fairly familiar with the process of an ultrasound, as he'd had to have a few of his chest and abdomen to make sure his organs were all healing properly after the shooting. The doctor probes around for a brief few seconds before stopping with a smile. "There. That's your baby."

Okay. Seeing the picture is one thing, but this is a whole other level. He's seeing his _kid_ , in real time, shifting on the screen. Sure, he's not really seeing a "human" shape yet, per se, but that doesn't matter. It's something, and it's his, and he's overcome.

"Growth seems to be normal, and... Yup. There's the heartbeat."

She's right. There it is. A faint, rapid whooshing sound. _Da-doom, da-doom, da-doom_. Persistent, rhythmic, beautifully alive.

It undoes him.

He thinks for a moment that he might totally lose it right there in the doctor's office, that he might just come apart at the seams and totally break down. But then he feels something.

Unconciously, he'd leaned in and gripped Donna's arm the moment the image of their child had taken up the screen. Instead of brushing his hand aside, she'd let it stay there. Now, as the only sound in the room is the steady _da-doom_ that allays their every fear, she is threading her fingers through his. She intertwines their fingers and he happily lets her. A moment later, as she stares in grateful awe at the screen, her forehead comes to rest gently against his.

For a second, he draws his eyes away from the screen and they stare at each other, smiling and crying and stupidly happy.

"Everything's just fine. I'll just take a few pictures-" she moves the probe a few times, "-and that's that. Growth is right on track, seems you're the only one who could use a little extra padding, that's all."

Donna manages to smile. "Okay. Thank you. That's great. I'll try to work on some of..."

Donna trails off distractedly, and bites her lip to keep the tears from her voice. Dr. Lee conceals a smile. "I'll give you two a minute while I go print these off, okay? We can talk more about some suggestions I have then."

They can barely manage a nod between them.

A few minutes of relieved sighs, dried tears, and trying to get it together later, they exchange another smile. Donna tries to put some of her walls back in place, and moves away from him, but she's left with a residual warmth.

"You want to get lunch after this?"

"I... What?" That's pretty much the last thing he expected to hear.

"I'm starving. You can buy me some food, and you can... You can explain. Or you can try, at least."

"I, um... Okay. Yeah, definitely. Let's do that."

"This is by no means a date, by the way."

He smiles again. "No. Of course not."

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"I just don't... Believe you." Donna repeats for possibly the fourth time.

"I don't know what to tell you. I do love you. I have for years. I seriously thought it was obvious... Hell, a lot of other people seemed to cotton on." The serious tone of their conversation is somewhat diminished by the fact that Donna is inhaling a club sandwich, a plate of fries, and a stack of onion rings.

"Then what was stopping you, these past however many years? Why now?"

"Um, serious terror was stopping me?" He says as though it should be obvious. "I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to lose what we had. I mean, I did anyway, but..."

"Okay, so then? After I quit? After we slept together? Something else must've stopped you, because you let me walk away then, too."

"Still terror, Donna. Us not being able to handle working on different campaigns. Resenting each other. Being away from each other. You... Not thinking I was worth it." He admits, growing quiet as he broaches his greatest fear: her walking away from him, again.

She has to try very hard not to look affected by this. "So what changed? I got pregnant, and suddenly it's worth it."

"Yeah." He agrees. She starts to look angry again, so he presses on, "Because the stakes got higher. The time felt right. It was either risk it all, or... Lose it all, anyway."

"That doesn't change the fact that you just assumed that I, someone you've only spent one night with, would want to marry you, just because I'm knocked up. You were taking me for granted, which, let's be honest, you've done before."

"Maybe I have." He allows. "But that's not what it was about. It felt... It felt like the stars were aligning. And I know it was beyond stupid to think that you felt the same way, but for me? It wasn't an opportunity I could just walk away from."

She frowns, contemplative. "But-"

"And I know. You're right. It was only one night, but it... It meant something, right? We're more than just one night to each other." He says softly. "At least, I hope so."

"We are." She says immediately. She even drops her sandwich. "Of course we are. And that night, it was perfect. Really." She offers him half a smile, and he relaxes. "But... It was only one night. We agreed to wait. And then I found out I was pregnant, and I was terrified out of my mind about how I'd handle it, and how you'd handle it, and then I finally told you, and you were perfect about that too."

He straightens up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. But when you proposed to me? Josh, you've gotta understand how stupid I felt."

He leans forward. "Stupid?"

"Yeah. Because, for once, I felt respected, you know? We were doing good. We were handling it together, even if we weren't _together_ , and then you go back on everything we agreed, acting like everything had changed, like suddenly nothing I thought mattered anymore. Like I would just... Fall in line." She shakes her head. "I felt really, really stupid Josh."

"I really didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, well."

"Look, I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"Okay, and...?"

"I'm still not marrying you."

"Yeah, I figured that was off the table."

"And, I'm not doing anything beyond what we agreed. Being _parents_ together, nothing more."

"What, seriously? C'mon. We've gotta give this a try."

"Maybe when things have died down. Like we said before."

"But, Donna - and I don't mean to alarm you here - things _have_ changed. Some reevaluating isn't out of line, here."

"Yeah, it is, okay? The stakes are higher now."

"Exactly. When won't they be? We're having a kid."

"Maybe, I don't know, after the baby's born, after we start figuring out this whole parenting thing..."

"Great idea." He says sarcastically. "'Mom, why are you and Dad just dating now?' 'Because we're trying to figure out if we actually like each other,' 'You couldn't have done that before you had me?' 'Well, we could've, if I listened to your dad...'"

Donna glares at him, and picks her sandwich back up. "I'm serious, okay? I'm just not... Ready."

He'd seriously hurt her with the proposal. There's no amount of explaining that will change that, he's realizing.

"Donna. I'm serious, I do love you-"

She holds up a hand. "Please stop. You're not going to make me believe you."

"But I-"

"I believe you _think_ you love me. But I also believe the reason you think that is that I'm pregnant, and you're a compulsive fixer who can't just let things alone."

"That's not it."

"Josh? This is enough for now."

"So, that's it?"

"For now, yeah."

He considers this. He hasn't eaten anything yet, perhaps because her ordering a sandwich with both guacamole and mayonnaise added to it had kind of put him off his appetite. "You don't mind if I keep asking though, right?"

"I guess I can't stop you." She says dryly.

"That's what I love to hear."

She scrutinizes him as he leans back into his seat. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You hate talking about relationships. You hate talking about your feelings. Hell, Amy once asked if you saw your relationship 'going anywhere' and you asked me if you should break up with her. How the hell have you managed to sit here and talk to me about us, about how you feel, for fifteen minutes?"

 _Like I said. The stakes are higher now._ "I think you'll find that you're the exception to a lot of rules in my life."

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 **Just a little bridge chapter for you all! We're still not really into the heart of the action yet. I'm excited to get there.**

 **Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think! Please continue to keep me on my toes with your feedback ;) I promise I can take it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Two updates in two days! No one can hold me back! :)**

 **Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. You guys are the wind beneath my (west) wings. I especially appreciate when you tell me that my writing seems in character - it's hard to write these characters in situations totally unlike what we saw on the show. I'm always second guessing myself, so it's good to know when I'm doing them justice. And if ever I'm not - let me know! ;)**

 **Oh, and because I forgot this little attribution last chapter: a review from _AnnieFA_ inspired the line where Josh said that he felt the stars were aligning, because she's hella insightful and I loved that phrasing. **

**Hope you enjoy chapter five!**

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"So how did your... _Thing_ go?"

Donna gives Will an amused look as she settles into the seat beside his. It's the first moment they've had all day that's been close to private, so she's not surprised he's asking. "My doctor's appointment?"

Will tries not to look quite so uncomfortable. "Yeah. That."

"It was good. Everything's good. Baby's good."

He squirms again at the word _baby_. He finds it easier to think about her pregnancy in the abstract. "I'm glad."

"Thanks." She decides not to mention her doctor's recommendation that she start to take it easy, and cut back on work. Will has made enough accommodations for this pregnancy, he doesn't need to make any more. She'll figure it out.

"And your... Situation?" He asks delicately.

She can't contain a snort. "You mean the _baby daddy_ situation?"

Will allows himself to relax, and even laughs. Her bluntness certainly makes things easier. "Again, you guess correctly. Sorry I'm being so cryptic, I don't know why I'm... You know."

"You're being sensitive." She says appreciatively. "It's sweet."

"I try."

"Well, things with my _situation_ have diffused somewhat. No more marriage proposals. We had a good conversation, we came to an agreement about some things. Others, we're still not on the same page about, but we'll get there. At least, I hope so." She can't help but feel a little regretful, when she thinks about the hurt in Josh's eyes when she'd told him she didn't want to give them a try. Especially after sharing that moment in the doctor's office - it had felt so right. They had felt so much like a family.

But she's too wary. She refuses to jump into something so blindly. Keeping her distance hurts, but getting close to him only for things to fall apart would hurt much more. She's simply not prepared for him to realize he's gotten in over his head, and for him to start looking for escape routes and reasons to push her away.

Maybe she's too cautious, but he's certainly too impulsive for his own good.

 _He doesn't love me_ , she continues to tell herself. _He can't._

"Hey, that's good. There's nothing worse than baby daddy drama." Will jokes.

"You said it, my friend."

"Hey, you think you can deal with this energy plan thing when we leave here? Some reporters are in the lobby, you can take a few questions and hopefully put it to rest."

"Yeah, sure." She's almost surprised at how breezy she sounds when she says this. A couple months ago, the idea of briefing the press or taking questions might've terrified her. Now, it's practically second nature. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Do you think... Do you think you give me too much responsibility for my position?"

He stares at her. "Are you saying you want _less_ responsibility?"

"No! No, of course not. It's just that, for so long, I was just an assistant. And then I was barely a regional media director for a few weeks before I became a spokesperson, and even now, I'm helping with strategic decisions and planning _in the room_ when most of our spokespeople just read statements, and, I just..." She takes a deep breath, having babbled on a little too long. "I just worry that someone more qualified should be doing this."

Will looks at her like she's just had another crazy parking lot meltdown. "Donna, you're good at this."

"Well, I'm trying, but I-"

"Donna, I mean it. Something about being an assistant must've qualified you, because you're invaluable to us here. You're a brilliant spokesperson, and your strategy is good too. It's a unique perspective, which we really need a lot of the time. I'm not giving you anything more than you deserve. Trust me."

Donna beams, rendered nearly speechless. "Will... Thank you for saying that."

"Nothing that isn't true." He shrugs as if it's not a big deal. "It's no wonder Josh kept you so close, and gave you more than all of the other west wing assistants... You're very good at making yourself indispensable."

Her smile falters at the mention of Josh. Had he really treated her with such a noticeable difference? There were a few instances that she noticed, of course, like when she was the only assistant told of the MS scandal before it broke, or when Josh would talk policy with her.

 _"You talked to Josh about the budget?"_

 _"Yeah, we argued about it. He said he's thinking about taking the subsidy issue to the President. Why?"_

 _Ginger and Bonnie stared at her, and then at each other, before Ginger finally spoke up. "Donna, Toby doesn't talk to me about anything he's working on except to tell me who to schedule meetings with."_

Maybe he had given her all he could. Maybe she outgrew her position long ago, and he only kept her around because to him, she was just what Will said - indispensable.

"Thanks, Will." She says faintly.

"Sure thing. And, for what it's worth, you're one of the few people I can stand to work with. I trust you - and in this industry, that's a rarity."

She manages a weak smile. She hates to think about how much he'd question that trust if he knew the truth about her and Josh.

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"Uh... Josh?" Ronna says finally, breaking the silence. "You gonna tell us what you called us all in here for?"

He's starting to make them nervous, he realizes. _Fair enough._ He had asked the Congressman, Ned, Ronna, and Bram to step into his office and had shut the door before saying " _I need to tell you something,"_ and starting to pace agitatedly. Yeah, he can see how that would be worrisome. "Sorry, guys. It's just... God, this is hard."

Matt raises an eyebrow at him. His campaign manager is agitated and stressed on a good day, but today he looks particularly unhinged. "Josh, c'mon. What is it?"

"Is something about to happen?" Ned guesses.

"No." Josh says.

"Something's going to break?"

"Um, no."

"Okay, what then?"

"There's sort of like... An impending scandal." Josh stops pacing and leans wearily against his desk.

"An impending scandal?" Ronna's voice raises in alarm. "About what? The opposition?"

"Nope."

"Us?" She says disbelievinngly.

Matt just watches him. He has a pretty good guess what the scandal is. "When's it going to break?"

"Hopefully never. Press hasn't gotten wind of it, I just wanted you guys to be aware of it in case they do. In case we need to do damage control."

"You're freaking us out, Josh." Ronna says, accurately summarizing the mood in the room.

"Yeah, is something shady going on? Are we _hiding_ it?" Bram presses.

Josh sighs, and buries his face in his hands. "Oh _god_ ," he moans, not helping the situation at all.

"Josh!" Ronna admonishes. "Seriously, spill."

"Is it about the Congressman?" Ned asks.

"Hey," Matt protests.

"It's not about the Congressman."

"The staff?"

"Not staff _plural_..."

"Josh." Matt says warningly.

"Okay, okay! It's about me." He finally admits, raising his head from his hands. "The scandal, if it leaks - which I don't intend to let happen! - would be about me."

Three faces stare at him, appalled. One face looks vaguely amused.

"About... You?" Ned repeats in shock.

"Did you say something stupid and impulsive again?" Ronna feels the need to ask.

"God, I wish."

"Did you _do_ something stupid and impulsive?" Bram asks.

"You could, uh, say that."

Evidently, this is going to be a guessing game. It's like pulling teeth. "Please tell me you didn't do anything improper with campaign finance."

"No! No, God, of course not."

"Poor tactics, illegal tactics, wire tapping... Help us out, here."

"None of that! What do I look like to you?"

Bram blurts out what they've all been avoiding, "Is it a sex scandal?"

Ronna and Ned have possibly never looked more scandalized in their life. Matt has never looked more tickled.

"Oh, God." Josh runs a hand through his hair. "God, I never thought I'd be on this side of a conversation like this. Yeah, I guess, if we're being crude... it could be categorized as a sex scandal."

"Oh my god!"

"Let's all calm down, okay? It's not a bad one!"

"There's such a thing as a good sex scandal?"

"No. You know what I meant. _Agh_." He starts to pace again. "Okay. Here it is. I may have... Possibly... Knocked someone up."

"You what?"

"I got someone pregnant, okay? Out of wedlock, obviously."

Ned narrows his eyes, not seeing the big deal. "That doesn't sound so bad. People don't judge unmarried parents that harshly anymore, it's hardly a scandal."

"Oh, that's not the worst of it, Ned." Josh says, smiling dryly.

This is the first part of the conversation that alarms Matt. "Wait, it isn't?"

"She's, um... She works for the Russell campaign."

"She _what_?"

By now, all four of them are practically bearing down upon him. "It gets worse."

"Oh boy."

"She's one of their most visible spokespeople."

All four mouths drop. He can watch the wheels turning in their heads as they mentally go through Russell's spokespeople. Ronna gets there first. "Tell me it's not Donna Moss."

Josh looks at her sheepishly. "Um, bingo?"

"Which one is she?" Bram asks.

Ronna runs a hand over her forehead, obviously distressed. "The really pretty blonde one."

"Oh _no_."

"Yeah, exactly."

"She looks like a Barbie doll."

"Or the Virgin Mary."

"Or someone's daughter, all sweet and innocent, that Josh preyed on."

"Hey!"

"I'm just saying that's how the press will spin it."

"She's good at her job, too! She's crazy likable. All Bambi eyes and good comebacks."

Josh can't help but agree with her, there. "I hate to break it to you, but..."

They stop talking and stare at him. "It gets worse?"

"You guys are getting good at this." He attempts feebly.

"Josh..." Matt remembers a certain Bambi-eyed blonde from his time working with Josh at the White House. "Wasn't Donna Moss your..."

"She was my assistant. For about eight years."

If these were the summer months, his staff would all be at serious risk of bugs nesting in their wide open mouths.

"Was she still... When you..."

"That's the silver lining! She was _not_ my assistant when I got her pregnant. See, that's as bad as it gets, okay? It's done getting worse, and now we can deal with it like rational adults, and-"

"But she worked for the Russell campaign when you got her pregnant?"

"Oh. Well, yeah, I guess that's true."

"And you were working for this one?"

"Yes."

"Oh my _god_."

"It's not that bad!"

"It's bad enough."

"Look, it probably won't leak, and-"

"Are you still together?"

"Are we..." Josh's face falls. "Oh. No. No, we're not. I should've mentioned that."

"I guess that's a little better. Less consorting between campaigns-"

Matt notices his campaign manger's abrupt change in demeanor. "Could you guys give us a minute?"

Bram, Ronna, and Ned are pretty much all cut off mid sentence. They stop suddenly, still charged with momentum. It takes a minute for them to process the request. Matt watches them expectantly.

"Of course, sir." They retreat meekly.

After they close the door behind them, Matt strolls slowly into the center of the office and takes a seat on Josh's desk.

"Are you, uh... Is this a more personal version of the lecture, sir?"

Matt folds his arms. "Are you okay, Josh?"

"Am I... Okay?"

"I heard the same rumors on the Hill that everyone else heard. You guys weren't nothing to each other."

Josh's eyes widen. He didn't peg the Congressman as the type to remember such arbitrary DC gossip. "No." He says softly. "No, we definitely weren't."

"What happened?"

"It's... Complicated." His head drops. "I asked her to marry me."

"After she told you she was pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Well, God, that was stupid."

Josh can't help but laugh. "Oh yeah, sir. I've since come to realize that."

"That makes it seem like you were only proposing because-"

"I know. Trust me, she certainly made that clear to me. She was pissed."

"I'd imagine so."

"And now we're... We're..."

"Did you really want to marry her?" Matt can't help but ask.

"Yeah. Yeah, I really did."

Matt reaches out tentatively to put a hand on Josh's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Josh."

Josh smiles bitterly. "S'okay. It was stupid."

"Yeah, a lot of things about what you did were stupid. But I think I can hold off on the lecture for now, yeah?"

"Thank you, sir."

"Don't let it reach the press." Matt warns, standing up off the desk. "And if it does... We'll deal with it, okay? This is your campaign. We wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you. We'll stand by you."

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She picks up after three rings. "Hello?"

"Hey. It's me."

"Oh. Hey, you."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm good."

"You're taking it easy?"

"I'm certainly trying."

"Donna."

"It's not easy. But I am trying, I promise. I'm even working on some meditation exercises."

"Seriously?"

"No. But I'm closing my eyes more, in between tasks. Does that count?"

He laughs. "Close enough. I hope it's not while you're walking."

"I've only drifted into the street a couple times."

"Oh, well if it's only a couple."

"And you? Taking it easy?"

"I don't have to."

"I'll take that to mean that you're three red bulls and fifty sleepless hours deep."

"You know me too well. You're eating?"

"Actually eating peppermint ice cream as we speak."

"I thought it got stuck in your teeth in a way that you find annoying."

"Yeah, well. Cravings don't really care about things like that."

"Hey, you wanna go out with me this week?"

"Oh, this week's no good."

"Okay, another week."

"Hm, another week isn't good either."

"Really?"

"Really." She pauses. "I like it when you call."

"I do too. I'm heading into an event right now, so I'll..."

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later."

He hangs up, a dull sinking feeling in his chest. He can't keep from straying back to the thought that's been plaguing him for some time. Maybe her adamant refusal not to be with him has nothing to do with the fact that she isn't sure of how he feels, but that she _is_ sure of how she feels - and she doesn't love him back.

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Helen Santos stands backstage during her husband's speech. Usually she watches him while he speaks, even if it's the same stump speech she's heard a dozen times. But tonight, she isn't quite as enthralled. She's distracted by her husband's campaign manager, and the conversation she had about him earlier.

" _No way. No way, Matt!"_

 _"I'm serious."_

 _"He proposed to her?"_

 _"Apparently."_

 _"The cute blonde girl that I'm constantly seeing on CSPAN?"_

 _"The very same."_

 _"I mean... I can't say I'm entirely surprised that he knocked someone up, but a proposal..."_

 _"He seems pretty broken up about it, Helen."_

 _"Josh? No way."_

 _"I know you're not his biggest fan, but-"_

 _"But what? Say nothing about how he's jeopardized the entire campaign with his reckless stupidity?"_

 _"Helen, you're being over dramatic. He hasn't jeopardized anything."_

 _"Yet."_

She strolls toward Josh, who is having more success following the speech than she is. A cat like grin spreads across her face as she considers the best way to start this conversation.

She won't pretend that she and Josh haven't had their differences in the past. And, well, the present. He pretty much upended her life. And now that his is being upended... Shouldn't she at least get a little fun out of it?

"So, I hear you're gonna be a dad."

He immediately clenches his jaw. "Yeah. What about it?"

"Nothing! You just never seemed domestic to me, that's all."

He merely sighs.

Well, antagonizing him is no fun if he's not going to respond. "And the girl. She's cute." He still doesn't say anything. "Also not someone I'd picture you with, but you know..."

"I don't know, actually."

"I heard you proposed."

For one of the first times in her life, she sees Josh Lymam completely immobilized. He isn't moving, or fidgeting, or pacing. He's totally still. Through gritted teeth, he manages, "I did."

"Well gee, can't help but wonder why she wasn't swept off her feet." She drawls sarcastically.

That's what snaps him. He whips around suddenly and says, "Shut up."

She reels back in surprise. "Excuse me?"

He appears to immediately regret his words. "I'm sorry. I just... Look, I know you don't like me."

She doesn't say anything.

"And that's fine. I know this whole thing wasn't exactly what you wanted for your family. And I can take whatever the hell you have to say about me. Honestly, I can. Make fun of my strategy, of the way I handle the campaign, hell, I don't care if you make fun the way I talk, or act, or look. Take your pick. There's plenty to razz me about, I know." He's remarkably intense as he stares at her. "But do not - please - _do not_ talk to me about this. Ever. Again."

She's taken aback by the raw quality of his voice. "Josh, I... I didn't know."

"Didn't know what?"

"Matt said you cared about her, but I didn't... I didn't think..."

"You didn't think that was possible, did you?" He asks dryly.

"That's not what I was going to say."

"I know you think I'm heartless. That I yanked your husband away from his family for my own personal gain. I know you think I'm nothing but politics, and the only thing I care about is winning. But, ma'am?"

"What?"

"You really don't know me that well." His voice is deadly quiet. It's robbed of his usual fire and gusto.

"I... I guess I don't."

"So I'd appreciate it if you left my personal life out of whatever problem you have with me. Because it's not fair."

She finds herself nodding. "Okay. I-I will. I can do that."

He takes a deep breath, and turns suddenly away from her. "Good."

Eventually, she says softly, "I'm sorry."

He doesn't say anything for another minute. The dull roar of the crowd is the only thing they hear. "Due respect, ma'am... You have no idea what this is like."

"What what's like?" She asks, giving him a cautious glance.

"To want to spend the rest of your life with someone so badly... And only with that person. To be so invested..." He struggles to find the right words, his voice catching painfully in his throat. "To see your entire future with someone who doesn't see a future with you."

She swallows. "Josh, I'm..."

"I just... I have no intention of being a dead beat, okay? This means something to me. Everything, actually. My entire life..." He trails off. "And she... I didn't propose to her on a whim, okay? It was stupid, I know, but this isn't a game to me."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me."

He gives her half a twisted smile. "I just really needed to explain myself to someone today. You were closest."

"I really am sorry, Josh."

"No, it's okay." He shoves his hands in his pockets, not making eye contact. " _I'm_ sorry... Obviously, you didn't catch me on a great day."

"That's okay." She says quickly. After a moment, she adds with a soft smile, "You know, I bet she doesn't deserve you."

He shoots her a furtive grin. "You don't believe that."

Her smile grows. "No, I don't. But I thought it would be a nice thing to say."

"It's okay, I don't believe it either. And... Thanks."

Later that night, Helen ponders the strange conversation as she and Matt get ready for bed (at long last). "So, Josh kind of snapped at me today."

Matt freezes halfway through unbuttoning his shirt. "He what?" He turns to face her. "What did he say? I'll kick his ass."

Helen laughs. "No, that's okay. I deserved it."

"Seriously? What'd you do?"

"I started teasing him about the pregnancy."

Matts face falls. "Helen, you didn't."

"I know, I shouldn't have. I just like getting under his skin, because he so frequently gets under mine, and-"

"And I'll assume you were successful?"

She sighs, collapsing onto the bed. "Too successful. He actually loves her, would you believe it? And he really cares about the kid."

"I told you."

"I think I may have misjudged him, Matt."

"Yeah, well, you weren't the only one. I think we're all learning a lot about him this week. Him especially."

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 **Things are kinda dark right now, but I thought the scene of Josh telling his staff would be a nice moment of comedy. Also, I always thought the Helen/Josh dynamic was interesting, because she seemed to sort of hate him at first but then warmed up to him eventually. I thought it was worth exploring.**

 **Anyway, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm back! Sorry for the long break, things have been hectic. But then, what else is new?**

 **Thanks for all the feedback and for always encouraging me to persevere. Love you guys!**

 **Oh and this chapter is based on the events of the episode _Freedonia_ , if you're confused. Don't worry about the timeline matching up with the show's, I'm probably going to mess around with it some. **

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"Will, I am so sorry."

Will grits his teeth. He's irritable because of her blunder, but he's more irritable that she's wasting his time apologizing so much. He continues power walking to his destination, the VP's hotel room, without looking at her. "Donna, it's fine. You messed up. We'll fix it. It's not the end of the world."

"I completely understand if you want to demote me. You know, take me out of the public eye. Or fire me. Anything!" She's practically begging for some sort of reprimand. She hates herself for what she did, and she needs him to hate her too. It'll make her feel worse if he minimizes it.

"Donna, what?" He finally sends her a look. "Don't be ridiculous. You accosted a chicken, you didn't, you know, accost a child."

"I know, but-"

"Donna. I've got work to do. You've got work to do. And you'd be a lot more helpful if you helped us deal with what's next, instead of being stuck on this."

She's brought up short. She bites her lip, conflicted. "I'm sorry."

"I..." He exhales in frustration. It's really impossible to stay mad at her. Especially lately - she isn't necessarily showing, but she's been resting her hand on her stomach in a way that's been making people talk. It evokes something strangely tender in him - as if she didn't have that power already. "It's okay, Donna."

"I just got so mad at him." She says plaintively.

"At... The chicken suit guy?"

"No, at Josh!" She flicks her hair out of her face irritably.

Will gives her a critical look. "At Josh?"

"This was his doing. It's got his stupid, impulsive spectacle showmanship written all over it." She says bitterly. "I just... I wasn't mad at that guy. He was just a proxy."

Will furrows his brow. He isn't sure why her actions suddenly bother him more than they did a minute ago. "He really gets under your skin that much?"

She rests her hand on her stomach, looking resigned. "Like nobody else."

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"So, J." Amy drawls.

Josh jolts. He hadn't noticed her slip into place beside him. He's watching the pre-debate coverage, and they're replaying the clip of Donna accosting the chicken suit guy he'd sent her way. He realizes now that it might have been slightly antagonistic, but he hadn't meant to send him to _her_ , and he has to admit the clip is pretty funny. He's watched it several times now. He likes how intense (and slightly unhinged) she looks. It reminds him of the Donna he knows - abundantly passionate, sporadically impulsive, and frankly adorable. It also helps that he likes looking at her and knowing that they've got their own secret.

He draws his eyes away from the screen. "What?"

"I've got a question for you."

"Okay, shoot."

"At least, I think you'll know the answer."

"What is it?" He asks impatiently.

"Is Donna Moss pregnant?"

If he'd been drinking, he would've done a spit take. "Um, what?"

"C'mon. I've got a hunch."

He splutters. "How could you possibly have a hunch from that?" He gestures to the TV, which had just stopped showing the image of Donna accosting their hired chicken man. "She's wearing a heavy coat, and-"

"I saw her in Connecticut last week. She wasn't even really showing, because of _course_ she isn't, but she was doing this." Amy places one hand on her abdomen. "It seemed, I don't know... Maternal."

Josh can't pretend he hasn't noticed it too. He loves it. He feels heat and panic rising up inside him. "Maternal?" He repeats incredulously.

"Uh-huh." She says matter-of-factly. "It's a woman thing, you wouldn't know."

"That's ridiculous."

"J. Come on."

Josh accepts defeat with a sigh. "Fine. Your womanly instincts or whatever are right. I do happen to know that, yeah... She's pregnant."

"Wow." Amy inhales deeply. He could be imagining it, but his ex-girlfriend seems almost gleeful with this new knowledge. "So who's the unlucky bastard that knocked her up?"

Josh whips around to glare at her. "Unlucky? What the hell do you-"

"Calm down, fito. I meant unlucky because you're going to break his knee caps."

Josh settles down, embarrassed at his display. "Oh."

"So, who is it? Who ruined poor sweet Donnatella's good virtue?"

"Amy, please."

"Have you kicked his ass yet? Or at least tell me you've hired someone to do it."

Josh smiles wryly. He can't believe he's having this conversation. "I haven't, actually."

"Why not?" She puts a hand over her heart. "Don't tell me you _approve_ of whoever knocked up your gal Friday out of wedlock?"

"I can't say that I do approve of him, actually."

"So you _do_ know who it is?"

"Will you quit prying? It's none of your business."

"I'm glad she still tells you things. I thought maybe with different campaigns, something was troubling the waters." She watches happily as they loop the clip one more time.

Josh can't pretend he didn't expect some form of this when Amy came to prep the congressman for the debate. She loves to antagonize him, in a strangely half-affectionate half-resentful way, and there's no subject she loves to prod him on more than Donna. She certainly loved to when they were dating. "Amy..."

Just then, Bram stops by and chuckles at the screen. He says, "You've got one feisty baby mama, boss." and claps Josh on the shoulder before continuing on his way, not knowing that he's just set off an explosion in his wake.

Josh's chin drops to his chest. He can feel Amy's neck slowly pivot toward him, and her eyes bore into him, but he refuses to look up. He waits for the inevitable fireworks.

"You're kidding me!"

"Amy..."

"No fucking way."

"If you'd keep your voice-"

"I should've known! Oh my god, I should've known." She gives him a devilish grin, relishing how uncomfortable he is. "Congratulations, J."

He sighs again. "Thanks."

"Wait, no." She back pedals rapidly. "You're on separate campaigns, there's no wedding ring... Oh, Josh."

He hates the pity that's seeping into her voice. "Don't."

"How did this happen?"

He attempts a feeble smirk. "Um, the usual way?"

"Josh." She reprimands. "I'm serious. You guys were... Are... Together?"

"Well, we aren't now." He tells her truthfully. He hopes the pain doesn't show in his voice. "And... I guess we never really were."

"You're going to have to explain a little more."

"It was just the one time." He admits. He hates that in technicality, they'd really only been a one night stand. It feels like he's wading through a tattered years-long marriage. "I mean, really three times. Wait, four if you count the morning after when-"

"Oh god, shut up." Amy screws up her face in disgust. "C'mon, I know we've been broken up for a while, but I still never want to hear about your sex life. Especially not with her."

Josh bows his head sheepishly. She had a point. How many times had she expressed fear (even in the form of pointed taunting) of a night like that one taking place while they were together? "Right. Sorry."

"It's okay." She relaxes slightly. "Go on."

"It was after she quit. Right after I joined... Well, started this campaign. She let herself into my apartment because she needed a place to stay in DC, and she thought I wouldn't be there."

"I've always thought she was a resourceful lass."

"Yeah, well. I let her stay. We were pissed at each other and it was awful, but then... I guess..."

"One thing lead to another." Amy fills in for him. "Got it."

"Right. And-"

"Wait." Amy holds up a hand to stop him, her eyes wide. "Josh... Did you leave the White House because of her?"

He rears back. "What?"

"Don't look at me like that. Did you leave the White House, did you start all this-" she gestures around her, "-because she left you?"

Josh folds his arms, wishing he had a better line of defense. "That's insane."

"You're insane." She counters easily.

He looks away from her. "I guess... I might've stayed, if she hadn't..."

Amy lets out a long, low exhale before he's even finished speaking. "Wow."

"What?" He says defensively. "It's not that big a-"

"You're changing national history for her, J."

"I am _not_ -"

"Does the Congressman know his entire campaign is based on the fact that a girl left you?"

He glares at her. Her familiar antagonism actually adds a layer of comedy to his otherwise completely depressing situation. "He doesn't, actually."

"A girl you never dated, at that."

"Let's not tell him."

She smiles. "He deserves to know."

Josh feels himself relaxing. For some reason, he and Amy's familiar dynamic is coaxing the truth out of him more easily than anything else has. She knows his feelings for Donna more intimately than anyone else, after all, even if they'd never talked about them openly. "Maybe."

Amy puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a bolstering shake. "Okay. Go on. You and Barbie finally did the deed, about eight years and seven wasted months of my life too late, and then-"

He rolls his eyes. "And we agreed it wasn't the right time. We were on different campaigns, things still weren't all the way right between us, due to a long list of things I don't fully understand and which you probably don't care to hear, and-"

"But she was pregnant."

He nods. "Bingo."

She whistles. "Well, damn, J, if it only took you one night, I should be thanking my lucky stars you never knocked me up."

He laughs. It feels ridiculously good to laugh about this with someone - anyone. Even if it's his ex-girlfriend who he usually can't be in the same room with for more than five minutes before picking a fight. "Maybe you should."

"You're going to be a _dad_." She says, awed.

"I know." For the first time, she catches a trace of excitement in his voice.

"That's amazing."

"Yeah."

"Terrifying."

He nods emphatically. "Yeah."

"I'm sure you'll be good." She says considerately. "Though, I could never really see you as a parent."

He realizes, strikingly, the many differences between her and Donna. "Me either, for the most part."

"What did you do when she told you?"

"I told her I wanted to be involved. That I was all in. And then... This is where things get ugly."

"They weren't ugly before this?"

"I proposed to her."

"You're _kidding_ me."

"That was pretty much her reaction, too."

"She said no?"

"Obviously."

"Hm." She considers this. "You know what? At first I was surprised, because that girl loves you like crazy, but she's also not one to be dragged along. I've underestimated her before, but... I really respect that she said no."

"Well, great." He says sarcastically. "I'm glad you're having some sort of feminist idealization for her right now, but on my end it sucked."

She comes back to their conversation. "Yeah, of course it did. You thought everything was perfect, finally, and then..."

He sighs. "Yeah."

"You've gotta understand what that looks like to a woman, J."

"I know that now. I just..."

"Yeah. I know." She purses her lips. "She still hasn't come around?"

"No."

"She will." She says reassuringly. "She has to, right? She 'gets' you." She recalls that awful conversation she'd had with Donna years earlier. It was then that she'd realized that she could never really hope to have with Josh what Donna did. She got back together with him anyway, of course, maybe to try and drown her doubts. Maybe to prove something to herself, or to Donna. None of that matters anymore. Donna had been right - at least, back then.

"Not so much, lately."

"I mean, you wouldn't do that for any woman. Imagine if you'd gotten me pregnant while we were dating. You wouldn't have immediately proposed to me, right?"

She knows the answer, but the guilty look of evasion in his eyes confirms it. "Amy, I..."

"Don't. It's okay." She says brusquely. Now, she really is thanking her lucky stars she never got pregnant with his child, as tempting as the image of a baby with dimples and curly hair had once been for her. "I'm just proving a point here."

"I wouldn't have." He admits. "I'm sorry, but we just weren't there."

"I know." She says. "But, listen, we dated for a while and you still wouldn't have popped the question if push came to shove. You spent one night with her and suddenly you're ready to commit your whole life. Doesn't she see how much that means, coming from you?" _Because I do,_ she doesn't add.

"No." She can see the wheels in his brain turning. "Maybe I should try explaining it to her that way."

"Maybe." She smiles softly, watching him contemplate the matter with the intensity he usually only devotes to polling data and ad buys. "Do you want to know when I knew you loved her?"

That snaps him out of his fog. "What?"

"For the longest time, I tried to convince myself that it was one sided." She confesses softly. She's never told him this before, but she thinks maybe it's time he knows. He watches her cautiously. "That, you know, she was in love with you, but you weren't in love with her. You just wanted her. I thought if you just fucked her, maybe, you'd get it out of your system. Or maybe we could just move on, if she was out of the picture."

He continues to watch her, brow furrowed. "Amy..."

She shakes her head, indicating that she doesn't need his explanations. "It was stupid, I know. I never really believed it, that's why it kept bothering me, but I had to keep telling myself that. It was a self preservation thing, or a pride thing, or whatever. Anyway, do you want to know when I knew you loved her back?"

She can tell that he's biting back dozens of other questions and comments, but his curiosity for this answer overrides them. "When?"

"On the day of the CODEL attack in Gaza."

She sees pain flash across his face, followed by surprise. "But I didn't see you that day. At least... I don't remember." He admits. "Did I? It was kind of a blur."

"No, you didn't. That's the point." He looks confused, so she presses on. "I came to see you, that day. After the news broke. When I heard that Donna was in the car, I came to the White House. I, in what I now realize was some serious self absorption, thought I would come over to comfort you."

"You did?" He seems surprised, as he always does, by any indication that she actually cares about him.

"Yeah. But when I got there, you were gone. I walked around the West Wing for a while, because someone let me in, and finally I saw CJ and asked her where you were. She looked at me like I was insane, and she just said..." She pauses, reminiscing. "'Amy, he's in Germany. He left hours ago'."

Josh continues to look taken aback by this revelation.

"I felt so stupid."

"I... I guess I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You were where you needed to be."

He shrugs. "Yeah."

"That's when I knew. Because the President was having an international crisis, the staff was in all hands on deck mode, and you took a ten hour flight to be by her side, away from it all. I felt like an idiot for not seeing it before."

"You're not an idiot."

"Thanks." She bumps his shoulder with her own, attempting to regain her usual aloof and jocular demeanor. "Now, c'mon. I can tell you're dying to ask me something. Spill."

He looks somewhat guilty, but also somewhat relieved. "You said you realized that I loved her 'back.'"

"Yeah."

"You think she loves me?"

Rarely has she seen Josh so vulnerable and hopeful. "I know she does."

"Well, how?"

"I asked her."

Josh feels his pulse increase, and he reflexively leans forward. "What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything." She can feel his disappointment, but she just smiles knowingly. "Her silence said a lot more than anything else could've. Trust me, J. It's a woman thing."

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Later that night, Donna is finally getting ready for bed. The debate is over, her coworkers' laughs at her expense have thankfully receded, and she feels herself on the brink of collapse. That's when her phone rings.

She checks the caller ID and answers the call with a definitive glare. "Hey, asshole."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, as if he doesn't know what she's referring to, which she finds odd. "Oh! The chicken thing."

"Yes, the chicken thing." She repeats scathingly. "Your stupid stunt that turned me into a national laughing stock."

"Hey, I didn't tell you to engage the chicken."

She splutters. "But-"

"And, what's more, if I didn't use my best strategy moves, like that one, on you, then you'd be getting preferential treatment. And I know you don't want our ambiguous personal relationship to interfere with our work, now do you?"

"No." She admits, frustration starting to color her cheeks. "And our relationship isn't ambiguous, it's-"

"Whatever. Listen, that's not what I called to talk to you about."

She sinks down onto the edge of her bed in shock. He hasn't been this direct or dismissive with her in months. Ever since the proposal he's been cowed and deferential. "But I'm not done."

"Too bad. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." She answers, still baffled by the direction of this conversation.

"Good. The chicken shucking didn't wear you out too much?"

"You don't shuck a chicken, Josh. You shuck corn."

"Whatever. Listen, I saw Amy today."

She freezes. "Amy Gardner?"

"Yeah. We had a good conversation about you."

She feels years old mortification overtaking her. "About me?"

"Yeah. She figured out you were pregnant."

"She what?"

"Yeah. Something about woman's intuition or whatever."

" _Woman's intuition?_ " She echoes incredulously.

"Supposedly. But, she didn't get confirmation until one of my staffers had to come over and give it away."

She feels her head spinning like it had when he proposed. How are they so frequently, and so totally, out of sync lately? "Your staffers _know_?"

"What?"

"Your campaign. They know about us... About me?"

"Of course they do. I told them last week."

She tries valiantly to keep herself together. This really has been the terrible day to end all terrible days. "Don't you think that's something of a problem? Your staff is huge! They could leak this, they could make it about me to get ahead, they could-"

"They wouldn't do that." He interrupts. "I wouldn't let them."

"Josh, I appreciate that you think that, but-"

"And I only told four people. They can handle it, I promise. I just want them to be aware in case of damage control."

"Damage control?"

"Yeah." He says as if this should be obvious. "I'm surprised you haven't told your campaign. Will, at least. If it gets out it'll be bad for both of us."

She hates that he's right. She hates that he'd specifically pointed out Will, too. Her guilt intensifies. "I know, but..." She presses a hand to her forehead, dizzy.

"Listen. That's not why I called. I called because Amy and I had a good conversation about you."

"Did you?" She manages faintly. This is all too much for her to handle.

"Yeah. I told her everything that happened between us."

"Of course you did." At this rate, she's hardly surprised.

"About how she's known I've been in love with you for years, etcetera. But she pointed something out to me that I think is worth repeating."

"What?"

"If I'd gotten her pregnant - or anyone else for that matter - I wouldn't have proposed. Even though I'd been dating her for months. Because, listen, you know me. In my panic mode I always look for escape routes. I want less commitment, not more. You've gotta agree that this means something."

"Josh..." She trails off. Slowly, she slides from her bed onto the floor.

"I'm serious."

"This coming from the woman who frequently insinuated that I was stupid, ambitious, and constantly trying to steal you from her."

"She doesn't think that about you. And besides, she said she really respected you turning me down. Now, I don't fully agree, but..."

"What were you doing with Amy Gardner, anyway?" She asks, hoping to redirect the conversation.

"She helped prep the congressman for the debate. Which, strong showing, right? But I can gloat about that later. We talked about you, then she duct taped me to a chair. But that part isn't important."

It seems pretty important to her. "And then did what to you?" She asks dangerously. She knows she has no right to be jealous, but she is.

"Nothing. She just wanted me to shut up."

Now that, Donna can understand. "Whatever."

"Donna, c'mon. Don't you think this means something?"

She closes her eyes, and clutches the bridge of her nose with one hand. "I have to go." She says dully.

"Donna." He repeats plaintively, but she's already hanging up her phone.

She sets it on the ground with one trembling hand, and before she knows it she's crying. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's her god awful day, maybe it's both. She cries until she's short of breath, hunched over her knees. For some reason this phone call has pushed her over the edge.

There are so many things that she's feeling right now, and she's not sure which one is causing the tears. First, she feels guilty for failing yet again to tell Will. Second, she feels shame and embarrassment that a handful of people on the Santos campaign know her secret, and she feels profoundly sad that they know it before her parents and closest friends do. Third, the idea that Amy fucking Gardner is being understanding and helpful to Josh in this situation while she's being cold and distant makes her feel itchy and insecure in a way that she hasn't since Amy and Josh last broke up.

Fourth, she feels torn because she wants so desperately to believe that he's genuine, but can't because she's overwhelmingly afraid of the possibility that he isn't.

Just when her sobs are starting to die down, her phone rings again. She looks down at the caller ID, fully expecting to send Josh to voicemail, but the name on the screen makes her heart soar. She wipes her tears and hastily tries to compose herself.

"CJ?"

"Donnatella Moss! You made for some good television today. Didn't anybody ever tell you not to engage a chicken?"

Donna laughs, amazingly. CJ is possibly the only one who could do that for her right now. "I missed that lesson in spokesperson school, apparently."

"Ah, well, now you know."

"I guess so."

"Listen, I'm calling because I have this really crazy question. It's totally off the wall. Honestly, please forgive me if I sound crazy, or if I mortally offend you, but-"

"What is it?" Donna interrupts with a sinking feeling.

"Are you possibly... Pregnant?"

Donna sighs. "How'd you know?"

" _Oh my god,_ I knew it! Call it a woman's intuition. I'm CSPAN stalking you and I noticed some patterns."

"Should I be flattered?"

"Yes. And, holy crap! This is huge."

"Yeah." Donna agrees.

"Not to sound self absorbed, but why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. You seem so busy now that you're the COS, and I just..." She gives her only half the reason.

"I'm never too busy for this! Tell me everything."

"CJ..."

"Unless you don't want to. I totally understand." She sounds slightly disappointed.

"No, I do." Donna assures her.

"In person, then?"

"That sounds good. I'm in the district next Monday, how's that?"

"I'll make time if I have to snub a handful of powerful and well armed countries. It's a date."

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 **Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey everybody! I hope you're all having a great Labor Day weekend. I'm glad I finally have a little time to myself to update this story :)**

 **Thanks so much for your continued feedback, you guys are what keep me going. I hope you like this next installment, and I'll have a little bit more info for you down at the bottom.**

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"How about this one?"

"You want me to wear yellow?"

"Yeah, why not? You can pull off anything."

"I'll look like the sun."

"Donna."

"Lesser pregnant women will start orbiting me."

CJ laughs, putting the blouse back on the rack. "You're barely showing."

"Not for long."

"What about white?"

"So that I can look like the moon?"

"Donna."

"Okay." Donna allows, taking the shirt. "I'll try it on."

"Thank you."

Donna continues down the aisle in the boutique, still slightly put-off that they're the only people in the store. CJ's secret service detail had decided this was the safest way for CJ to shop. The shopping trip had only been a throw away suggestion, because Donna is in desperate need of some professional maternity clothes, but CJ had been gung-ho for it. Perhaps it evoked the nostalgia of the days they could jet off to go shopping during lunch for an event they had that night, not because they truly had nothing to wear but because they needed some girl time. They'd get frozen yogurt, they'd shop, and they'd talk. About clothes, about men, about work, about nothing.

Things have changed, but maybe they can still have that escape, even if only for an hour.

"Dresses?" CJ suggests.

"That would be good."

"Got it." CJ works her way over to a rack of maternity dresses. As she absently rifles through them, she surreptitiously watches Donna over the top of the rack. Her friend had greeted her with her normal cheerful enthusiasm, but something is clearly off about her. CJ surmises it has something to do with the pregnancy, today's supposed topic of conversation, but they have yet to hit the heavy talks yet. It's all been superficial so far, and while CJ usually loves making stupid jokes about fashion and pop culture with Donna (she loves making stupid jokes about anything with Donna), the suspense is killing her.

"What do you think?" Donna holds up a dress.

"I like it... Ooh, it comes in red. Try it in red, you're a bombshell in red."

Donna looks back at the rack and her smile fades, a nostalgic and weary look taking over her face. She thinks of one night in a red dress, of feeling small and demeaned.

" _You look great in that dress. You should buy it for yourself._ "

She hates that he was once able to do that to her. How he could make her forgive him for any evil with that smile, and that way he looked at her. _Not anymore_ , she reminds herself.

CJ notices the far away look in her eyes. "Donna?" She says softly.

Donna shakes her head, snapping back to the present. She plasters on a smile. "Sorry. Totally zoned out there. You wouldn't believe how much pregnancy brain I've had already."

"Donna, are you ready to talk about this?" CJ finally broaches the subject. Donna's smile falters.

She bites her lip, looking away evasively. She really does want to tell CJ everything. She's never needed her sound advice more than she does in this moment. She just doesn't know where to start.

She sighs. She might as well just get into it. She's floundering, and maybe CJ can help her make some sense of this mess. In truth, Donna has been yearning to tell anyone about her situation, but she's glad CJ is her first. It seems fitting.

"Yeah. Okay. What do you want to know?"

CJ seems surprised that the decision has been handed back to her. She tilts her head, considering. "You're going to hate me."

Donna smiles slightly. "No I'm not."

"I know this is everyone's first thought, and I really wish it wasn't mine. You must be sick of the questions, and-"

"CJ. Just ask me." If it's the question she suspects, then maybe it is the best way to get into things. There's certainly no way around it, if she's to tell the story with any sort of truth.

CJ looks down guiltily. "Okay. I'm dying to know who the father is. But, you really don't have to tell me, I understand-"

Donna interrupts her, "You mean to tell me you _haven't_ noticed that my baby has been obsessing about polling data and creating press disasters for you to deal with since we walked in?"

CJ gapes at her. Donna can't help a slight smirk as her friend struggles to form a response. "Are you... Are you saying..."

"That I'm carrying Josh's child? Yes."

CJ covers her mouth with one hand and reaches out to grip Donna's arm with the other, her eyes going huge. When she finally lowers her hand, she says " _Oh my god!_ " so loudly that even the stone-faced secret service agents look around curiously.

"CJ, shh!" Donna chokes back a laugh. Suddenly, absurdly, the whole thing is a little bit funny to her. "Don't tell me you're surprised."

"Surprised? I'm, I'm floored!" CJ spits. She smiles slightly too. "And at the same time it makes perfect sense. How is that possible?"

"That's me and Josh for you."

"But you're not...?" CJ's smile fades as she puts the pieces together.

"No." Donna looks away again. "Um, no. We're not together."

"Yeah." CJ says sadly. That, she's sure they couldn't have hid from her. They would've been too damn happy. As she processes the information, she's overcome with curiosity. "Were you together? Did this happen while you still worked for him? If it did, I'm pissed but I'm not _really_ pissed, just 'former press secretary' pissed, but I am pissed that you didn't tell me. Is that why you left? Did it end because you were-"

"CJ." Donna cuts her off gently. "This kind of conversation requires some food, and a place to sit."

"Oh." CJ reins herself in. "Okay. You're right. Where should we go?"

"I'm dying for a cup of coffee, but..." She rests one hand on her stomach. "I'll settle for some frozen yogurt."

"I could go for that."

"And then I'll tell you everything, okay? I promise."

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"And then he _proposed_?" CJ clarifies intently, a spoonful of very berry bliss suspended halfway to her mouth.

"Yupp." Donna confirms around a mouthful of dark chocolate. The shock of this gesture has worn off for her. "Crazy, right?"

"Oh, Josh." CJ says softly, shaking her head. "Poor guy."

"Poor guy?" Donna repeats incredulously. "Whose side are you on?"

"God, both of yours. I didn't know it was a 'choosing sides' kind of thing, I'm sorry."

Donna offers a begrudging smile. "No, it's okay. It's not."

"I mean, I know it was stupid, and it must have looked crazy inconsiderate to you, but... I just know it came from a good place. I know that idiot boy is out on that quixotic campaign, not sleeping, burying himself in work because he's nursing serious heartbreak, and I feel bad for him."

"CJ." Donna says disbelievingly. "You can't be serious."

"I am! I love you, Donna, but I love him too."

"No, not about the feeling bad for him part, the other stuff. You can't seriously think he really wanted to marry me, can you?"

"Oh, Donnatella." CJ drops her spoon into her yogurt cup. The noise is decidedly loud in the empty shop, which had also been cleared by CJ's secret service. At least they don't have to worry about eavesdroppers. "I can't believe you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"He's wanted to marry you for... God, for years."

Donna scrutinizes her friend. "How do you know?"

"Because I just know. You're the most permanent thing in his life, Donna. The person he could never bear to part ways with. If you asked him at any time in the past nine years where he saw himself down the road, I'm sure you'd be the only thing he could actually visualize having a place in his future. You're _it_ for him. He needs you."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because I hate that. I'm not some antidote for him, okay? I don't make everything better. I'm not his other half, I'm not what keeps him together. I don't care how many people think that, I'm not. I'm not some fixture in Josh's life, because that's not fair to me. I've got my own life, okay? I'm not his for the taking."

"Donna." CJ says sympathetically. "Don't you think I know that?"

"I thought you did!" Donna says frustratedly. "You're the one that told me I needed to get away from him, to be my own person, and suddenly..."

"I remember." CJ acknowledges. "But this is different. Things have changed."

"Why do people keep saying that to me? Yeah, some things have changed. Not the whole damn world. I'm having a baby, not dying." Donna grumbles.

CJ's eyes sparkle in amusement, and she picks her spoon back up to finish eating her nearly melted yogurt. "I know, hon."

Donna irritably picks at what's left in her cup, which amounts to a few sprinkles and a mangled gummy worm. Eventually, she says, "He... He says he loves me."

CJ snorts. "That generally comes with the marriage territory, yeah." Donna sobers her with a look. "You don't believe him?"

"No. I don't know. It's just... He only loves me _now_. Now that I'm pregnant. It's been years, and... Why should I believe him?"

"He does love you, Donna."

"CJ..."

"Of course he loves you. I mean, it's obvious. To me, to everyone else in the West Wing, hell, from what you said, Amy Gardner knows... Why can't you see it?"

"CJ, a few years ago you were telling me to leave him. To cleanse my life of all things Josh Lyman. You told me to have one night stands with reporters, to quit my job..." She trails off. "Wasn't that your way of telling me that it was hopeless? You knew I was in love with him. You practically said so. What was that if not your way of telling me that he didn't love me back?"

CJ watches her sadly, a trace of guilt in her eyes. "Donna... That's not what that was."

"Then what was it?" She challenges.

"It wasn't about him. It was about you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you gave your whole life to him. And sure, you guys loved each other, but when were you going to get your heads out of your asses and realize that? Definitely not while you were working under him, I'll tell you that." She pushes the rest of her yogurt toward Donna, because she can tell she's still hungry. "You needed to be your own person. You two needed to get away from each other. You were making yourselves sick with your own little world, your codependency... You had to get out of that for either of you to wake the fuck up and see what was going on. And if you found some independence along the way? Something outside of Josh, outside the White House? That would've been good, too."

Donna pulls CJ's yogurt toward her, feeling somewhat taken aback. For the past two years, that conversation had shaped not only the way she saw her relationship with Josh, but the life-changing decisions she'd made. Now, CJ's telling her she's been working off a misinterpretation this entire time. "So what changed?"

"Well, first, you did it, you know? Look at you. Completely independent of him. New job, new life... You're killing it, by the way. You're doing amazing."

Donna feels her eyes watering. To hear from CJ, her professional role model, that she's doing well, means more to her than she could ever say. "Thank you."

CJ tenderly touches her hand. "Of course. I always knew you had it in you."

Donna wipes at her eyes, embarrassed. She hopes CJ assumes it's the hormones. "Thanks."

"But listen. I was regretting that conversation even before you left. You want to know why?"

"Why?" Donna says distractedly, still trying to compose herself.

"Because... Well, you didn't see him, Donna."

"See him what?"

"After Gaza." She says gently. "After you got hurt... Donna, I watched his entire world collapse."

"CJ." Donna says disbelievingly.

"It's true! You think you've seen Josh fall apart, but you haven't. Until you've seen him screaming in the outer office about how we need to carpet bomb the Middle East, you just haven't."

Donna hesitates. "He... He did that?"

"God, Donna, he was in his office for six hours on the phone with anyone he could think of, just begging for information on you. When he found out where you were, it was maybe an hour before he was on a plane. He ran out of the building."

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm not! As soon as he had the go ahead from Leo, he _ran_. Hell, maybe you were too drugged up to remember this, but he didn't even pack a suitcase."

"I remember." Donna says softly. For the first time in months, she lets the soft hazy images of Germany float back to her. She can feel Josh's constant presence beside her, unkempt and worried and tender. She can feel his weight on the bed beside her, can hear his cracked, dry voice and his slow breath as he finally succumbed to sleep on the fourth night, after she cajoled him into lying down beside her. "I... I remember."

"I've always wondered what happened in Germany. You two came back different."

"He was there before my mom." Donna recalls. "He was there before Colin, and he was there before my _mom_."

"Gotta love a guy who beats your mom to your bedside." CJ agrees. "I remember him talking about Colin, when he got back. I think he said something along the lines of 'my assistant is the only person on earth who can spend a week in a foreign country, not knowing the language or customs, and still find an absurdly attractive hookup,'" she pauses to smile, "But you know what? He was too happy to care. He was jealous, but he was so happy you were alive, he didn't care."

Donna is still lost in her reverie. "My mom had to buy him clothes, because he wouldn't leave my room."

CJ listens to her voice, loaded with emotion, and nods simply. "Wow."

"He didn't eat. He didn't sleep, not until I had him lie down next to me. He stayed there for two days." Donna smiles softly. "He... He didn't leave my side."

CJ chances a smile. "Donna. You're saying it yourself. You know what all that means, right? You'd have to be blind not to see it."

Donna's expression clears. "But he didn't do anything. I thought for sure he would. I thought things had changed, forever, you know? But then we came back and it was the same. He was more distant, if anything."

"He was scared!" CJ says defensively. "Donna, you almost died and it scared him shitless. You think he was going to risk losing you by telling you how he feels? Hell, all of us were walking on eggshells with you when you came back. He wouldn't have wanted to put you through that."

Donna sighs. "I don't know, CJ." Just then, her phone starts to vibrate. Seeing that it's Josh, her heart jumps into her throat. She can't possibly talk to him right now, not when she's so raw and confused. She sends him to voicemail.

"Well, I do. The guy loves you."

"Please."

"Leo and I were talking about this just last week."

That gets her attention. She certainly never expected Leo to be making observations on her love life. "What?"

"Well, not exactly this. But we were talking about how Josh left the White House for you."

"He what?"

"I hadn't put all the pieces together, but Leo filled me in on the rest of the story. Josh got offers from both major campaigns, and he turned them down. Leo told him to pick a guy, and he said no, he was seeing this administration through. But then, you quit, and suddenly he's on a porch in Houston with a nine point plan."

Donna stares at her. "No way. I can't be the reason."

"You're the reason." CJ maintains firmly.

"No way. Josh is a force of nature. He doesn't make decisions that way, he's never made a decision based on his personal relationships in his _life_ -"

"Until you." CJ says knowingly. "Donna, it's like I said. The man doesn't know what to do without you. He may have gone about it in the stupidest, most Josh way possible, but... He really does want to spend his life with you. I know it."

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Later that day, CJ asks Margaret to place a call for her. He picks up on the fourth ring, sounding harried and exhausted. "Josh Lyman," he greets roughly.

"Hey, mi amore."

"CJ?" His voice brightens considerably.

"The one and only."

"Hey, how are you? What's up?"

"I'm good, I'm good." She says dismissively. "Listen, I'm calling because... I talked to Donna today."

"You did? You... Oh." His voice changes in realization. "Oh. You know."

"Yeah. I know."

"Oh," is all he says.

"Listen, idiot boy... I'm here for you, okay? If you ever need someone to talk to, who isn't a twenty year old intern, I'm your gal."

He pauses. "Thanks, CJ."

"I'm rooting for you, you know."

"Really?"

"Of course I am. I told her as much, too, but she's... Well, give her some time. But, you know what else?"

"What?"

"I think you're going to make a great dad."

Six states and one time zone away, Josh stops what he's doing completely and rests his forehead on the cool surface of his desk. "Really?"

CJ nods vigorously, but after remembering he can't see her, says, "Really. There's no one in the world who'll give it their all the way I know you will. That's one lucky kid."

Josh closes his eyes, tears threatening. "Thanks, CJ."

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In the cab after her outing with CJ, Donna is in remarkably better spirits. It feels good to have finally gotten everything off her chest. CJ had given her some much needed perspective on the issue, and more than a few things to think about. Their conversation had taken a lighter turn after they left the discussion of Josh's love for her, ranging from whether Josh would be a good father (" _I think that more than anything, he wishes he could ask his own dad about what to do_ ," Donna confessed softly) to how the sex had been (" _Well I'd expect no less! God, if eight years of tension leads somewhere that good, I'll mark my calendar for a date with Danny in a couple years._ "). The whole thing had left her drained, but warm and content nonetheless. She'd missed CJ so much.

With a few moments to herself, Donna finally checks her phone to see a voicemail from Josh. She clicks on it and presses her phone to her ear, expecting a perfunctory " _Call me back, let me know how you're doing_ ," message.

Instead, what she hears is " _Hey, it's me. I'm calling because... I just wanted to let you know that... I heard you okay? I get it. It's stupid of me to keep trying. I'm going to respect what you want, and obviously that isn't me, so... I'm not going to ask, anymore. You don't have to worry about it. We can just deal with each other as parents, and that's it. Like you wanted. I'm not going to ask anymore_."

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 **Alright! You'll be pleased to hear that we'll be having some major developments next chapter - and for those of you who have hated the rough going, things might start to look up ;) Not saying we're done with angst or drama, just that I think you'll find it a little easier of a pill to swallow after next chapter.**

 **BUT anyway, one of the major developments next chapter is that we're getting a gender reveal! I've already got kind of an idea of what I want baby Moss/Lyman to be in this story, but I thought it would be fun to have you guys vote! Let me know in the reviews whether you're leaning boy or girl and why. If you don't care, I feel that, so let me know that too lol.**

 **Thanks for reading! I always love me some good CJ/Donna moments, so thanks for indulging me.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys! I've got another little piece of this story for you today. I actually split up the chapter I was writing, because it was getting too long and didn't flow well together. That means you won't get the gender reveal until next chapter, sorry. Thanks to everyone who voted, though! I appreciate the enthusiasm.**

 **The next piece should be up soon, as I've already written a lot of it. Until then, I hope you enjoy this! As always, thanks for all the feedback.**

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Donna walks into the lobby of a nameless chain hotel in Rocky Mount, Virginia, feeling unusually nervous. Today's the first time she'll be seeing Josh since her talk with CJ, and since his voicemail. The two in combination had forced some things into perspective for her, and she dreads having to face them head on. But then, today's the day of their eighteen week ultrasound, and there's really no way to avoid seeing him. In fact, their plan for the day has made it pretty much inevitable that she tackle whatever's going on between them. They had figured out that they'd both be in Virginia today, and as such Josh had suggested driving up to DC together. She has to admit it makes sense; neither of them can exactly bill a flight to their respective campaigns. And there's nothing like a four hour road trip to help ease tension, right?

She feels her anxiety rising as she walks through the hotel to the fourth floor conference center Josh had directed her to, as she feels like every person she sees is staring at her. She knows that not everyone in the hotel is Santos staff, and she knows that barely anyone on the staff knows about her and Josh, but she can't help but feel watched. Even if they don't know the history, the visual of a prominent Russell spokesperson walking into the midst of the campaign might raise a few alarms.

She'd tried to dress down for the occasion, partly because she thought it would make her less recognizable, but also because she's got a four hour car ride ahead of her and doesn't need to add excess discomfort to the already potent mix of pregnancy and long trips. She's wearing leggings and a tshirt that's big enough to cover her bump, with her coat over top. Now that she's here, the ensemble seems ridiculous. As if suddenly no one will recognize Russell's "chicken fighter" because she threw on a pair of sneakers.

As she nears the conference center, she knows she's not imagining it. People _are_ staring. Young professionals scurrying down the hallway with paperwork are stopping to do double takes. Heat rising in her face, she bows her head and trudges on.

Josh had told her that the Congressman would be spending most of the day stumping in various locales in the South, while Josh and much of the staff stayed in Rocky Mount, the previous night's final stop, to manage and maneuver. He had assured her this meant the temporary campaign office would be much less chaotic than usual, but as she walks in, she retroactively scoffs in disbelief.

It's actually comical how many staffers turn to stare at her when she walks in. All conversation ceases as every person in the room is gradually alerted to the presence of an intruder. She stutters, a nervous smile creeping over her face.

"Um, hi. I was just, um. I was looking for-"

"Josh." The mousy woman that she remembers to be named Ronna interrupts her with a slight smile. "Right, of course. He told me to look out for you. He went out to catch some local candidate at breakfast, he should be back in a few minutes."

"Oh. Okay." Donna stops in the doorway, unsure of what to do next.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere to wait?"

Donna sags in relief. "That would be great."

Ronna smiles and leads her past the still staring staffers. She opens the door to a small room off the hall, which has a desk, computer, and chair. "Is this okay?"

"Perfect." Donna tells her. "Anything secluded would be perfect at this point, honestly."

Ronna gives her a sympathetic look. "Don't worry about them, okay? They don't know anything."

Donna sinks into the chair, and gives a feeble nod. "Thanks, Ronna."

"You bet." She closes the door behind her, leaving Donna alone.

Donna whiles away the time looking through her emails on her blackberry. She responds to a few, and shoots one to Will reminding him about the changes in the stump for that afternoon's stop in Georgia. Suddenly, she's interrupted by the door flinging open, and someone hurrying inside.

"I swear I handed it to someone named Tom, I just-" Helen Santos stops abruptly at the sight of her. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Donna looks up at her like a deer in the headlights. "Um, that's okay."

"I didn't know you were in here." Helen says unnecessarily. "I was just, um, looking for my cell phone. I handed it to some intern before getting on stage this morning, and I just..."

"Right." Donna tilts her head. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Santos, I thought you and your husband were out on the campaign trail today."

"That was the plan." Helen says, exasperation evident. "He is, obviously, but the kids have caught some sort of stomach bug, so I thought I'd take a pass and shore things up on the parenting front."

"Oh. Right, I understand." Donna has quite liked Helen Santos when she's seen her at events or on TV. She's a very private person, but still manages to project an air of strength and compassion. Right now, she looks beautiful as always, her hair and makeup still done from her event earlier in the day. Donna feels slightly lackluster by comparison, but Helen doesn't seem to have a judgmental presence, so she doesn't mind it.

Helen is watching her in much the same appraising way that Donna is watching her. Eventually, she says, "You're Donna Moss, right?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"You give us some serious hell, you know that?"

"I, well-"

"I mean that as a compliment."

"Oh. Thank you."

Helen smiles mischievously. "And you're Josh's baby mama."

Donna eyebrows jump into her hairline. She feels her cheeks start to blaze. "You... Um-"

"Sorry. Just a little nickname my husband and I toss around. Mostly to make fun of Josh, not you. I'm now realizing it was insanely insensitive me to say that right now and-"

"It's okay." Donna cuts her off. She smiles slightly. "Actually, they call him the baby daddy on my campaign, so I guess it's fair." The only difference is they don't know his identity.

"Oh. Well, there you go then."

"Right." Donna shifts uncomfortably. "Well, if I'm keeping you-"

"You're really pretty."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't mean that you're not pretty on TV, because you are. I just mean that you're pretty in person, too, without the makeup and the clothes, and... That's something else."

"Um, thank you?" Donna is becoming more and more perplexed by this intereaction by the second.

"You bet." Helen bites her lip, obviously wanting to say something else. She still wears the same contemplative look. "Well, I should go."

"Yeah. Sick kids, a cell phone to find... I don't envy you."

Helen smiles slightly. "Thanks. I'll, um, see you."

"Yeah, probably."

Helen turns to leave, but at the last second hesitates with her hand on the doorframe. She whips around to stare at Donna intently one more time. "You should give him a chance."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I know this is none of my business." Helen takes one step back into the room. "But, you and Josh... I don't know the entire story, obviously, and forgive me for overstepping, but I think you should give him another chance. He cares about you so much, and I just... I hate to see him hurt."

Donna gapes at her, struggling to find a response. "Josh... Josh told me you hated him."

That elicits a slight laugh from Helen. "He did, did he? Yeah, I can see how he'd think that. I certainly used to."

"Then..."

"He didn't make sense to me until you." Helen tells her flatly. "Before, he was just an obnoxious career politician who yanked my husband off on some crazed quixotic campaign just when we were getting our life back. It was easy to hate him, because I just... There wasn't anything to humanize him."

Donna stares at her blankly. She's encountered people in the past that have described Josh as a political machine, but she's simply never understood where they're coming from. To her, Josh has always been the most complicated, real, and human soul she's ever known. Sure, it takes a while to get past his many defense mechanisms, but even under layers of sarcasm and workaholism, she thought the open, beating heart was visible to anyone.

She is only just starting to realize how different this campaign has been for Josh, and how closed off he must be for someone he works with so frequently to think him so cold and uncaring.

"Wow."

"But then there was you, and suddenly he was this heartbroken guy who was pouring his all into this campaign because he couldn't have the family he really wanted, and..." Helen shakes her head. "That? That's something I can get behind."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Just think about it, okay?"

"Think about it?" Donna says incredulously before she can stop herself. "All I've done for the past eighteen weeks is think about it. I've done all the thinking I possibly can, and I'm not lacking in brain power."

Helen offers a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry. It's not my place."

Donna shakes her head, folding her arms. "No, that's okay. I appreciate your opinion. I just... There's a lot going on."

"I understand. Been there, done that. Two times, actually." Helen holds up two fingers. "Of course, it was never this complicated, but..."

"Hey, bringing life into the world is never without complications."

"That's true."

Donna offers her a more genuine smile. "Thanks for talking to me, Mrs. Santos. I'm sorry for imposing. Today, and..."

Helen cuts her off with a raised hand. "Call me Helen."

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"Alright. Here we are."

The walk from the conference center to the parking lot has been tense to say the least, but Donna simply can't help herself when she sees what's waiting for them outside the hotel. "Oh my god!"

"What?"

"It's your car!" She squeals excitedly.

He gives her an amused look. "Yeah, it's my car. Did you think someone else had it?"

She beams at the familiar vehicle. "I thought it would be back in DC, that we'd be taking a rental car. Hey, what the hell _is_ Leopold doing here?"

He rolls his eyes. "I told you not to name my car. And, I had some intern drive him - I mean _it_ , goddammit - down from DC yesterday."

She gives him a look. "You made your intern drive four hours on a personal errand for you?"

"Eight hours."

"Excuse me?"

"He had to drive up to DC in a rental car and then drive back. Look, the kid said he wanted to be indispensable, so that's what I made him, okay? Bryan, or whatever his name is. Anyway, you don't seem too mad."

She grins, shaking her head. She can't help herself. The sight of something so familiar, in the midst of these utterly foreign surroundings, has touched her in a completely unexpected way. "I just love your car."

"I know you do. That's why you stole it so often. You know I've incurred like five parking tickets because of you?"

"Well, someone had to drive it. You walked everywhere." She approaches Leopold and gives him a happy reunion pat. "Does it still have-" she opens the trunk, "-Yes! All my blankets!"

"Yeah. Meant to clean it out, but-"

"And my sweatshirt!"

"That's my sweatshirt."

"No it's not."

"It's a Harvard sweatshirt."

"So? I could've gone to Harvard, you filthy elitist." She mutters distractedly, rushing to the passenger side to open the glovebox. He laughs. "And, yes, my CDs!"

"Oh _god_. Should've at least gotten rid of those."

"Dolly Parton, Madonna, Starship, the Zombies."

"The Zombies is mine."

It makes her smile to think that long before they'd ever gotten together, their lives had been so blurred that they mixed up whose possessions were whose. "Whatever."

"Did you ever think it was strange how my car had more of your possessions in it than it did mine?"

She shrugs. "This is the car we drove everywhere in." _We_. There she goes again with her couple-speak. "Bartlet sponsored road trips were always taken in Leopold."

"I guess that's true."

She returns to the trunk to retrieve a blanket (it's been lying in the trunk for god knows how long, but she doesn't care) and Josh closes it after lifting her suitcase inside. She settles happily into the passenger's seat and continues to do inventory as he starts the car. "Ooh, Journey."

"Please spare me. I'm begging you."

She beams. "It'll be just like old times!"

Josh makes a noise of irritation, but his smile gives him away.

A few minutes later, the reality of the situation begins drifting back to her. She'd been so surprised by Leopold's presence that she'd momentarily forgotten all of the things that had transpired, and everything she needs to say on this trip. Now that she considers it, it was actually quite thoughtful of Josh to bring his car down for the occasion, even if he'd sent his intern. He knows how much she loves this car, and it had been the perfect thing to make her feel comfortable and safe when it felt like her whole world had been turned on its head.

The warm nostalgia of this car is almost overpowering. While many trips during the Bartlet administration had been taken on Air Force one, trips that were shorter and meant specifically for the DCOS usually meant that it would be Josh, Donna, and Leopold on the open road. They would argue about who would drive (in reality, they're both pretty terrible drivers) and usually get lost once or twice. She has so many wonderful memories of the two of them in this car. Of singing along to songs, of arguing over directions, of talking endlessly about nothing in that way that only they can. She's never felt happier than when falling asleep in the passenger seat of Josh's car, the headlights on the highway blurring in her eyes.

Maybe he remembers these things too. Maybe he'd wanted to remind her of them today.

A painful lump rises in her throat as she thinks about the voicemail he'd left her, and how defeated he had sounded. It had sent her into a panic, because she had realized that their time was perhaps more limited than she thought. When she'd told him they could try being together somewhere down the road, she hadn't considered the possibility that he might not be game to try by then.

By the time she's fully ready to be with him, he may have moved on. He may have thrown himself into work again, or worse, found someone else who wasn't as difficult or stubborn.

Maybe she'll never be fully ready to be with him, because the prospect of their failure will always terrify her. But the alternative, that they're never together again, scares her much more.

She knows she can't go this entire trip without telling him that. In fact, she can't go another five minutes without telling him.

"Hey, Josh?" She hates how timidly her voice comes out. She clears her throat.

"Hm?" He briefly glances away from the road. They have yet to make it to the highway.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Her voice is stronger this time.

"Okay." She senses him tensing up a little.

"You said, um... You said you weren't going to ask anymore."

He frowns. "What?"

"On that voicemail, you said you weren't going to ask me anymore. You know, about us. About trying again."

"Oh." He doesn't look at her. "Well, yeah. That's what you wanted, right? There's no point, so-"

"I was wondering if maybe you'd reconsider."

"What?"

"I was wrong. I was wrong about us, about needing to wait until things calm down. You were right- things will never calm down. I was just using it as an excuse, because I was scared, and hurt, and-"

Abruptly, he turns to look directly at her. "Donna, what are you saying?"

She takes a deep breath. "It's okay if you don't want to ask again, because that just means I'll have to ask. I want to know if you'd consider-" she gasps suddenly as he yanks the car off the road and stops on the gravel shoulder. " _What the hell are you doing?"_

He puts the car in park and turns fully to look at her. "Donna, are you being serious right now?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack, Jesus!"

"Donna."

She breathes heavily, one hand over her heart, trying to calm down. He watches her intensely, and eventually, she meets his gaze. "I'm serious. I want to give this a try. I want... To be with you."

He leans forward, and at first her heart jumps again, because who knows what the hell he's going to do after that little stunt, but he just puts one hand on the side of her face and hesitates with a few inches between them. "This is okay, right? I can do this now?"

She grins fully, relieved. "Yes. Yes, you can do this now."

He closes the gap between them and presses his lips firmly to hers. Her first thought is to wonder how something she'd only felt for a few hours, months ago, can possibly feel so familiar. Her second thought is nothing, because after that all possibility of coherent thought goes out the window.

He pulls back first, giving her a look of profound tenderness and humor. "You're the worst, you know that, right?"

She smiles. "That's a yes, right?"

"I mean, I ask for months, and suddenly when I stop, you're all-"

"Josh."

"Yes. It's a yes." He pulls one hand away from her to hold his thumb and forefinger up a fraction of an inch apart. "But by this much, Donnatella, I want you to remember that."

"Don't take your hands off me."

Ten minutes of slightly fogged windows, shifted positions, undone seat belts and buttons later, he says, "Okay. We cannot have sex in this car."

She tries to catch her breath. "You're right. Leopold is too innocent for this."

"I meant, because you're pregnant and it could hurt you, but," he laughs, "that works too."

She glances at the clock. "And, we should really get back on the road."

"You're right." He says reluctantly. He kisses her a couple more times, once on the mouth and then on the forehead, before starting the car. "Okay. Going to be very hard to drive now."

She smiles. "Hey, before we get on the highway, could we stop and get milkshakes?"

"Milkshakes?" He repeats incredulously, pulling out onto the road.

"Please. I'm starving. There's a cook out right nearby."

"Cook out?"

"It's a southern chain. Great milkshakes. I'm sure we've been before."

He shakes his head. "Tell me which way to go."

Fifteen minutes later, they're on the highway, Donna happily eating her milkshake as she tries to decide how best to soundtrack their trip.

"I can't believe you peer pressured me into a milkshake."

"I can't believe you got chocolate. There are like forty flavors, and you get plain chocolate."

"You were stressing me out! I just said something to make you stop."

"Because you were planning on letting me eat a milkshakes alone. How sad is that?"

"How's your peach cobbler thing, by the way?"

" _So_ good. You want some?"

"I'll pass."

"You haven't eaten any of yours."

"Well, one, I didn't want one in the first place, and two, this thing is like ice cream. Kinda hard to eat while driving."

"You want me to feed you?"

"Definitely not."

"C'mon. You don't want it to melt." She leans forward to take the lid off his milkshake and unwraps his spoon.

"There you go again with the peer pressure."

"C'mon. Open up."

"You're definitely going to get Leopold covered in chocolate."

"What, don't you trust me?"

He briefly looks away from the road to give her a wry look.

"C'mon." She wheedles. Eventually he acquiesces and opens his mouth, and the first spoonful goes over well. "See, I told you?" They go over a bump and the second spoonful lands primarily on his white shirt. "Oh. Well... Okay. You may have had a point."

He shakes his head, unable to help a smile. "The _worst_ , I tell you."

A few miles later, she's settled on a CD. "We're listening to Dolly Parton."

"Kill me now."

"She's so talented, I love her! You don't love her?"

"We've been over this."

"She's got a great song called _Joshua_ , you know."

"I do know. You tell me every time you attempt to play Dolly Parton."

"Attempt? I always succeed."

"You always sing it _at_ me. Just like how you used to play _9 to 5_ in the office when you felt taken advantage of."

She chuckles. "I remember that. Except I used to change the lyrics to five to nine, but even that was an understatement."

As much as she would always tease him with those songs, the one that's always been about him is _Here You Come Again._

She tries to get him to do the duet of _Islands in the Stream,_ which fails spectacularly because he knows absolutely none of the lyrics. She makes a complete fool of herself with some enthusiastic Madonna renditions, and when she looks over at him, he's grinning widely, and she wonders when the last time she saw him this happy was.

She starts to drift off after starting the Zombies' _Begin Here._

"Do you mind if I go to sleep?"

He takes one hand off the wheel and runs it gently over the back of her head. "No. Not at all."

She curls up in her blanket and closes her eyes. For a brief moment, her fears of what comes next leave her, and she is at peace knowing that she made the right choice.

 _The Way I Feel Inside_ starts playing.

 _Should I try to hide  
The way I feel inside  
My heart for you?_

 _Would you say that you  
Would try to love me too?_

 _In your mind  
Could you ever be  
Really close to me?_

 _I can tell the way you smile  
If I feel that I  
Could be certain then  
I would say the things I want to say tonight_

 _But 'til I can see  
That you'd really care for me  
I will dream  
That someday you'll be  
Really close to me_

Not really knowing whether she's asleep or awake, he says softly, "This song has always been about you."

Shifting without opening her eyes, she presses a kiss to his shoulder. She thinks about how much braver than her he is.

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 **The next chapter should be up soon! Sorry that I had to split this up, I know many of you were looking forward to the gender reveal. But, hopefully this has made some of you happy ;)**

 **I know that J/D has worked out approximately 15% of their issues, and I fully intend on exploring them in the coming chapters. But hey, at least they're working them out together for now, right?**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you think! Love you guys.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I hope the wait wasn't too long! Here's the next piece. It's pretty short and fluffy, but I feel it stands better alone than it would have with chapter eight.**

 **We get our gender reveal in this chapter, as you'll see in .5 seconds lol. The votes were fairly evenly split, and so many of you said you didn't really care, that I decided to just go with my original plan. I hope you guys don't mind!**

 **Love you all, and thanks for reading as always. Your reviews are what keep me going.**

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"A girl. We're having a girl." Josh repeats for the hundredth time.

Donna smiles, equally enthralled with the idea. "We are."

They're sitting on the same side of the booth in an Italian restaurant, a picture from their earlier sonogram resting on the table between them. Donna finishes off a plate of fettuccine Alfredo as they stare at their unborn daughter. "I'm still not totally sure I see it."

Donna stifles a laugh. "What did you expect, that she'd be wearing a bow?"

"No," he mutters. He continues to look at the picture, and an awed warmth glows in his eyes, as it has since the appointment. "I can't believe we're having a daughter. I don't know anything about having a daughter."

"Hey, I don't either."

"Well, you were one once, that's gotta count for something."

She rolls her eyes. "You're not going to be weird about this, are you?"

"About what?"

"You're not like, going to shelter her, and not want to play catch with her or do 'guy' things, right? You'll let her do more than dance classes?"

"Of course I will. God, what do you take me for?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "I was afraid you always pictured yourself with a son. You know, teaching him to play baseball, running around outside."

"Sounds like you pictured me with a son."

She blushes, and leans into him gently. "Maybe. All I'm saying is, my dad let me play football with my brothers, he took me to the lumber yard, he took me fishing. And, I think it made a difference in how I saw myself, and my abilities, you know? That's all."

"Donna, listen. As far as I'm concerned, the only difference is that maybe she'll be the world's greatest soft ball player instead of baseball player. And even that's not set in stone."

She smiles, resting her head on his shoulder. "Okay. Good."

He kisses the top of her head, and takes a deep breath. "Can you believe this?"

"What? Still on the daughter thing?"

"No, us. We're only on our first date, but by now we're already halfway to having a daughter.

"Oh, that." She grins. "This isn't our first date."

"What?"

"Cook out was our first date."

"No it wasn't. That's insane."

"Hey, I don't make the rules."

"Cook out was not our first date."

"It was. It was romantic, too."

"That does not reflect well on me."

"Too bad."

"You harassing me and spilling milkshake on me, that was our first date?"

"Yupp." She looks down at him. Once they'd reached the doctor's office, he'd pulled the Harvard sweatshirt on over his stained clothes, all the while glaring at her as she laughed. "You look cute, by the way."

He rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. "Shut up."

She starts to snake her arms around his waist, and when he realizes what she's doing, he leans forward to help her. "This was a nice second date, though."

"I'm glad you liked it." He allows. He glances at her plate. "Done?"

"Yeah."

"Finally."

She pulls her head away from his shoulder to send him a pout. "Hey."

"I can't believe you sent the food back."

"I don't know what it was, but something about the way that lasagna smelled made me want to hurl. I honestly think sending it back was the most considerate option."

"Fair enough." Idly, he runs one hand over her arm. "So... You ready to go?"

"Yeah. I think so." She can feel that a hint of tension and anticipation has entered their conversation. He doesn't know where tonight is going, and frankly, neither does she. They'd been almost ready to throw down in the car on the side of a road in Rocky Mount, but now that the moment has passed things are unclear once again. "I'm still good to stay at your place?" She asks carefully.

"Of course." He says immediately. He clears his throat awkwardly. "I can, um, sleep on the couch, or..."

"You don't have to do that." She says immediately. She feels him smile against her hair.

"Okay."

"In case I didn't make myself abundantly clear, I was really, really hoping tonight would end in sex."

He full out grins. "I'm so glad we're on the same page again."

An hour later, he has her backed against the doorway of his bedroom, faint traces of nostalgia clinging to the moment. It seems fitting that their second time would be here, too.

She smiles as she works her way through his shirt buttons, fumbling just a little, and he lazily kisses her neck. "You know," she starts.

"Mm?"

"I've been thinking about you a lot the past few months."

He pulls back an inch to smile. "Well yeah, I'd imagine you'd have to."

"No, I mean... I've been like crazy hormonal the past few months."

"You... Oh." He seems to suddenly lose the ability to speak.

"But I wasn't with anyone else, you know. Maybe I could've been, but I didn't want to. So it was just you, on my mind... In my room... Alone... Late at night..."

He groans, nipping her ear. "You're killing me."

She giggles, and finishes taking his shirt off him. She makes quick work of his undershirt, too, and in no time she's touching as much of him as she possibly can. When he starts to pull her shirt off, though, she freezes. "Wait."

"What?"

"Wait, I'm. Just, wait."

He pulls back to look at her, eyes clouded in confusion and concern. "What's wrong?"

She gives him an apologetic smile. "It's just, well, I'm pregnant."

He quirks one eyebrow at her, a hesitant smirk forming. "Really? I totally forgot."

She shakes her head, one hand coming up to her face in embarrassment. "It's just, I don't look the same."

He cocks his head to one side. "I had no idea pregnancy worked like that."

She pinches his arm. "Your sarcasm is not helpful right now."

"Donna. I know you won't look exactly the same. And I'm fine with it. Beyond fine with it, actually. You're growing our kid."

"I know, I just..." She bites her lip. "Stretch marks aren't sexy."

He shakes his head, eyes glowing softly. "Trust me, that uh... Won't be a problem."

She notices the change in his voice, and raises her eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Trust me."

A smile bubbles at her lips. "What do you have, like a pregnancy fetish?"

That makes him laugh. "No. I have a you fetish." He immediately cringes. "Terrible, right?"

She shakes her head, stifling her giggles. "No. Perfect."

"It's just different, you know? It's different when it's your kid."

"So pregnant women, not attractive to you before..."

"And most still aren't. But you?" He closes his eyes briefly, smiling blissfully as he pulls her closer to him. "Whole other story."

She wraps her arms back around him, where they belong, and gently kisses his jaw. "Okay. Undress me."

Josh has been plagued by sleeplessness for almost all of his life. Since he was eight years old, he hasn't truly slept a night soundly, and it only grew worse as he aged. His sleep, when he finally succumbed to it, was restless and patchy. After Rosslyn, nightmares were added to the potent mix, nightmares that resurfaced in an even more horrible way after Gaza. In short, Josh and sleep are long time foes who generally avoid each other at all costs, and whose interactions, while brief, are never good.

But that night, with a soft and sleepy Donna curled against his chest, he feels his entire body relaxing in a previously unknown bliss. He falls asleep easily, and doesn't dream at all.

He has Donna, and he has a daughter now. He thinks that maybe the thing he was missing all those years, that kept him from sleeping, was a family.

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 **Gah I'm so happy. I almost don't want to add any more drama or angst to their lives. _Almost_ ;) **

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys, it's me again! I think I'm hitting my stride with this whole writing pattern thing. It's always hard to settle into a new routine, but I think I've finally found some reliable times to write. Yay!**

 **I'm so glad you guys liked the last chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it, too. This one moves things along a bit more, and adds in some of that drama I mentioned earlier. Please don't hate me ;)**

 **As always, thanks so much for being such awesome readers and reviewers. I love you guys!**

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It's mid-morning when Josh rejoins his staff on the campaign trail. He meets up with them in a hotel in West Virginia, and all the staffers watch him critically as he walks in. He's oblivious to their stares as he struts in, his usual rough appearance and tense expression all but gone. Hell, he looks content. He looks _well-rested._ A few of the staffers have trouble recognizing him.

"Hey, everybody." He greets jovially. He fails to notice their stunned expressions as he continues past them to set his bag down on a chair. He's practically whistling.

One of the communication staffers mutters to Ronna, "Is it just me, or does he look... Happy?"

A faint smile spreads across Ronna's face. She's one of the select few that actually knows the reason behind Josh's trip yesterday. "He does."

"And less pale."

"Yeah." She calls out to him as he rifles through the messages someone handed him, "Hey, Josh!"

"Hm?"

"You look good."

"What?" He says absently. "Oh, thanks."

"What happened to you?"

He can't hide the smile that creeps across his face. "I just got a good night's sleep for once, that's all."

She walks over to him and leans in conspiratorially. "And that wouldn't happen to have anything to do with having someone to spend the night _with_ , would it?"

He snaps his fingers as if realizing something. "You know what? That might just be the key to it."

She smiles, too. She can't help it. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"Just, be careful, okay?"

"I know." He goes back to sorting through his messages, his goofy smile still in place, and she starts to walk away again when he calls out to her. "Hey, Ronna."

She steps back over to him. "What's up?"

"I'm going to have a daughter. Isn't that amazing?"

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When Donna returns to the campaign mid-day, Will notices something different about her. She catches up to him in the hall with an upbeat smile and punches his arm. "Hey, boss, I'm back. Where do you need me?"

He's taken aback by how well-rested and calm she looks. No self respecting staffer on a presidential campaign ever looks well-rested or calm, but Donna has looked particularly out of sorts lately, so the transformation is doubly jarring. "Hey, it's good to see you."

"Back at you. I missed you."

"Really?"

"No." She says coyly.

He smiles. "You look like you got a full night's sleep last night."

She shrugs happily. "And then some."

"I'm happy for you. How did your appointment go?"

"Great." She enthuses. "We found out the sex of the baby."

"Oh, really?" His interest is piqued.

"Yeah. Do you wanna know?"

"Uh, yeah, of course. Isn't that something usually only the parents care about? You know, whether or not to find out the sex."

"You could've wanted it to be a surprise." She says with a lopsided grin.

He snorts. "Hit me."

"A girl. We're having a girl."

"Really? That's so great." He puts a hand on her shoulder as they slow to a stop in front of the elevators. "Congratulations, Donna."

"Thanks." She beams. "We're really excited."

He notices that she's using the word 'we' in regard to her pregnancy a lot more than she used to. It gets him thinking - about the thing he usually prefers not to think about. "How were things, with, um... Him."

He's further alarmed by the way she doesn't playfully make fun of his awkwardness, or correct him with a sarcastic 'you mean the baby daddy.' Instead, her thrilled smile fades and she refuses to make eye contact with him. Awkwardly, she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and stares determinedly at the numbers above the elevators. "Actually... Something kind of happened."

"Happened?" He repeats. "Are you guys okay?"

"We're okay." She reassures him. "More than okay, actually," she adds in a small voice.

"More than okay?"

She bites her lip, and he notices a faint blush glowing on her cheeks. "Actually, we, uh, got back together."

"You... Oh." Will says simply. Now he's staring determinedly at the elevator numbers, too. He wishes they'd hurry up. He knows he has no right to be affected in any way by this news, but something about it upsets his stomach. "Oh. That's... Good."

"I think so." She says softly.

"It's just..." Will starts, unable to help himself. He folds his arms. "You said you guys were done. You were so upset, when he proposed, and with everything that happened..."

She sighs. "I know. But, he's the father of my child. I think that's worth a shot, don't you?"

"Of course." Will agrees automatically. He takes some satisfaction in the fact that she might only be with him out of obligation.

"And... I don't know. It's complicated. We mean something to each other, and I think we owe it to each other to figure out exactly what that is."

Will clears his throat uncomfortably, wishing suddenly that he wasn't her most trusted confidant on the campaign. "Right."

Her blush is now bright red. She struggles to find the words to say, 'Oh, and he's the campaign manager for the opposition,' but they don't come.

Will strides forward and irritably gives the elevator button a couple more jabs. "How long can a goddamn elevator take?"

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Around five, Donna's cell phone starts ringing, and when she checks the caller ID, her face breaks out in a smile. "Hey, you."

"Hey. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"That's good."

"You?"

"I'm good too."

"Good."

"How many times do you think we can say good in this conversation?"

"A few more, probably. Last night was good."

"Good?"

"Good."

"That's good."

"I'm lying. It was better than good. It was great."

"That's good."

"Josh."

"I'm kidding. It was great. Better than great, actually. Somebody get me a thesaurus."

"I miss you." She says plaintively. "I know that's stupid, because it's only been a few hours, but-"

"I miss you too." He cuts her off.

She can tell by the sound of his voice that they're wearing the exact same expression right now. She loves how high school this feels, to have a love so exhilarating they're just sitting on their phones with stupid grins on their faces. "When can we see each other again?"

"Send me your schedule for the week. I'll work something out."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I run this campaign, I can do what I want."

"I can't send you my exact schedule, you know."

"Right. Ethics, and all that."

"Don't pretend you wouldn't use it for your own gain."

"I would. But I think we've got different definitions of 'my own gain'."

"I meant politically."

"See, I didn't."

She shakes her head. "I'll send you some rough locations. Might change, though."

"Yeah. Keep me posted."

"I will."

"How's our girl today?"

Her sappy grin is back. The way he says 'our girl' sends waves of happiness through her. "Good. Certainly very lively."

"I see we're back to 'good'?"

"She can't keep still. Just like her dad."

She can hear his smile in his reply. "I'm proud."

"Don't be, she's annoying the crap out of me. Oh wait, she gets that from you too."

"Ha, ha." He says dryly.

She rests her chin on her hand contentedly, thinking about their family. "Do you think she'll have dimples?"

The question seems to throw him. "I don't know. Never paid much attention in genetics class."

"I hope she does." She can tell that his are out right now.

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Josh figures out that they'll both be in Denver at the same time later that week, and they make vague plans to meet up. Neither is sure when they'll be able to get away, or which hotel will be most convenient and discreet.

She calls him around eleven.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Are you busy?"

He steps out of the conference room and walks a ways down the hall. "Not extremely, but..."

"Good, because I'm on my way over."

"What?"

"I'm in a cab."

"Seriously?" His mood brightens considerably.

"I was going crazy."

"Oh yeah?"

"Hormonally, I should say."

A grin spreads across his face. "Really?"

"Do you think it's okay for me to take off my underwear in this cab to increase efficiency?" She asks. She lowers her voice. "Okay, the cab driver seems suddenly very interested in my conversation."

He laughs. "Don't do that. I want to undress you."

"Seems like that would take up time."

"What's the rush? We've got all night."

"Listen, normally I love the taking it slow thing. But right now?"

"Yeah?"

"I was hoping you'd just fuck me against the door of your hotel room."

Josh is suddenly robbed of his capability to speak. Never in all eight years of knowing her had he expected to hear Donna Moss utter the words 'fuck me.' It's having a powerful effect on him. An effect that might make it difficult for him to reenter the conference room inconspicuously. When he regains his ability to speak, his voice comes out deeper and more ragged than before. "That works too. That definitely, definitely works."

He hears her grin. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

An hour later, Josh pulls on his tshirt and pants from the day and leans in to kiss her once before he steps out.

"I feel like you're going to work."

"Ten minutes tops. I promise."

"Should've just ordered room service." She grumbles, snaking her hand into the back of his hair.

"When my campaign is a virtual cornucopia of free food? No way."

"Bring back pizza. Pepperoni."

"You got it."

"And try to look less like you just had sex."

He smiles, and brushes one final kiss against her lips before getting off the bed. "Noted."

Josh wanders back down to the conference center, trying to look as though he never left. He meanders to the back wall, which has a spread of food, and begins piling two plates with everything he can find. He's mostly unnoticed, only incurring a couple questions from junior staffers. As he attempts to make his escape, something on the white board that many of the upper level staffers are gathered around gives him pause.

"Did you give that state's delegates to us?"

Bram, Ronna, and Ned all look up in surprise. "It's just a projection."

"You can't give all their delegates to anyone. That's a proportional state."

"They... Oh." Bram realizes his mistake.

"Amateur hour," Josh mutters, shaking his head. He starts to walk away again, satisfied that his campaign can function for another few hours until Donna falls asleep. At least, he tells himself that he'll come back down once she's out, but he knows the allure of sleeping beside her might be too much to withstand.

"Wait a minute." Ronna calls after him. "Where are you going?"

"Um, my room? These are generally what people refer to as the sleeping hours."

"Not your sleeping hours." She counters. "And, say, where have you been for the past hour?"

"Um, here?"

Bram starts to smirk as well, cottoning on to what Ronna's implying. "And where's your shirt?"

"I spilled something."

"And you have two massive plates of food for what reason?"

"Can't a guy be hungry?" He starts to back toward the door.

His staffers roll their eyes. "Give Donna our love."

"You bet."

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The following week, things are less easy to coordinate. Just when their schedules seem to align, an event is added at the last minute that draws them apart again. This only serves to compound Donna's horrible mood.

It seems that over the course of the week she's become _past the point of no return_ pregnant, in which her bump is big enough that it seems to finally settle the internal "pregnant or gaining weight" debate many of her coworkers have been having. As such, everyone on the campaign seems to feel more and more comfortable asking her about her pregnancy.

" _When are you due?"_

 _"A boy or a girl? Oh, don't tell me, I can just tell it's a boy! My face rounded out just like that when I was pregnant with my son."_

 _"What's her name?"_

 _"How does your husband feel about you being gone all the time?" A swift glance down at her left hand. "I'm so sorry. Your boyfriend."_

If she has to tell one more nosy coworker that no, she hasn't settled on a name yet, and no, their input isn't really necessary on that, she's going to tear her hair out.

In addition to her coworkers' increased interest in her personal life, Will has also been weird and distant to her all week. He's the one person who might've been able to help her through this, by interrupting his subordinates' inquiries, or even by rolling his eyes or laughing with her in commiseration. But he hasn't been doing any of that. In fact, she's almost certain he's limiting his interaction with her as much as possible. He pretty much only deals with her on matters relating to the campaign.

She's pretty sure she can trace it back to when she told him she'd gotten back together with Josh - though, of course, he didn't know it was Josh. She thinks that maybe she'd disappointed him in some way by getting back together with the father of her child, as if it was a display of weakness or corrosion of principles. She can understand how he'd think that, as she's previously presented a very one-sided account of the story that didn't make Josh look so good. She'd been holding on to so much anger and fear back then. She wishes she could explain to him that that's not all there is to it, but she doesn't know how to do that without revealing that it's Josh she's been talking about this whole time.

The longer she waits to tell him, the harder it gets. The secret itself is starting to pale in comparison to the fact that she's kept it from him for so long. She doesn't just fear a fracture in their professional relationship, or even the loss of her job, but a fracture in their personal relationship. Will has said and proven many times over how much he trusts her. She doesn't want to see that trust broken. She's grown to really like Will over the course of the campaign, and hurting him is the last thing she wants to do.

Either way, she misses him. And she's having a truly shitty week.

Come Thursday, all she wants is to see her boyfriend, but it looks like even that might not happen.

"That's what, forty-five minutes away from here?"

"Yeah," Donna confirms miserably.

"Shit."

"Tonight's another bust, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry." He says genuinely. "We can try again next week."

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"I know." He sighs. "There's just so much to do, and I know it's not any better on your end, and..."

"It's okay." She repeats in a small voice. To her mortification, tears are threatening. "I just really wanted to see you, that's all."

Josh picks up on her change in tone and sits forward in alarm. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She assures him, trying to get herself together. "Just a crappy week."

"Invasive coworkers, right?"

"And some other stuff, yeah."

Josh runs a hand through his hair, weighing his options. "You know what? I'll come over."

She blinks in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. I think I can swing it. It'll be late, though."

"That's okay." She says immediately.

"Okay. What time is best?"

"The lobby will probably be clear by two."

"Perfect. I'll see you then."

She smiles, spirits lifted. It might just be the first time she's really smiled all day. "Okay. See you."

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Will Bailey is having one of the worst nights of his life. He'd settled in for the night and decided to treat himself to a rare four hours of sleep, when noises from next door pulled him away from the welcoming arms of slumber. Not only is he being kept awake on one of the few nights he actually has the opportunity to sleep somewhere that isn't a bus or a plane, he's being kept awake by the unmistakeable sounds of intimacy coming through the wall between his room and the next.

What's worse? He knows the room next door belongs to none other than Russell campaign spokeswoman, Donna Moss. And, as much as he's trying not to listen, he can still definitely tell that it's her, having a seriously good time.

He tries everything. He puts his pillow over his head and presses down, trying to deafen the sounds. It doesn't work. He tries playing some music from his laptop, to no avail.

He finds himself growing irritated at the continued moans and giggles from next door. She has to be up at six too, for god's sake! And she's _pregnant_ , she needs her rest. That's another thing - what's her boyfriend doing flying out from DC in the wee hours of the morning to have sex with her, and then presumably leave before she has to work? Doesn't he know better than take away her precious few hours of rest?

He knows he's being unfair. They probably hardly see each other. But still.

Normally Will enjoys having the room next to Donna's, as they can easily go back and forth when they think of things in the middle of the night. Usually the brainstorming sessions will taper off into casual conversation about nothing. It's nice. He misses their little talks - he's been keeping his distance from her lately, as something about their conversation last week had unsettled him.

What's happening right now certainly isn't helping matters. He can hear her a little too clearly, and unbidden images rise in his head, the most innocent of which is the wicked grin he's seen on her more than a few times.

He squeezes his eyes shut. _That's it. I'm not about to be turned on by the sounds of my pregnant subordinate and the father of her child_ , Will tells himself firmly. He gathers his laptop and a couple other things and leaves to get some work done in the lobby. Hopefully he can find a cup of coffee.

As he hurries past her door, he keeps his eyes down and tries to block out as much sound as possible. He shakes his head in disdain at himself. It's easy to forget on the campaign trail how lonely you are, because nearly everyone else is lonely too. But, God, it's been a while. Hell, if he wasn't everyone on the campaign's boss, he'd consider "coming on board" and having a campaign fling.

By the time he returns upstairs an hour later, a half empty cup of coffee in hand, Will feels much better. Working had helped him to calm down and had distracted him from what was going on a few floors up. He tries not to think about why it had bothered him so much in the first place.

He walks down the hallway, pleased when he doesn't hear anything. Maybe he'll finally be able to get some sleep.

He's a few yards away from her door when it cracks open. He hesitates. He won't pretend he's not curious to see who emerges.

From inside, he hears someone speaking softly. "I'll call you in the morning, okay? Get some sleep. Alright. Bye."

Donna's guest backs his way into the hallway, a content smile on his face. He has his suit jacket in one hand, and his shirt is buttoned only halfway over his undershirt. He's so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice Will's presence until he turns around to leave.

He stops dead in his tracks, a floored expression on his face. He gapes at Will for a good ten seconds, and Will gapes back. Eventually, an awkward smile creeps hesitantly across his face. "Oh. Will. Hi."

Will tries to maintain a neutral expression. "Josh. Funny seeing you here."

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 **Gahh I'm sorry! It had to happen sometime. Will's in the story summary after all, he has to feature pretty heavily. I've missed him these past few chapters. For those of you concerned about the fate of poor Will, don't worry too much. But, that being said, things might get worse before they get better. And as for our favorite couple? Can they handle whatever hurdles life's about to throw at them? Stay tuned to find out!**

 **Lol. But seriously, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: *nervously reenters the home six months after I said I was just going to the grocery store* um, hey... Guys... How's it going? I... Uh... Got lost, and then... Um, I brought chips?**

 **Haha. Anyway, I'm so sorry about the crazy long break (especially after that cliffhanger). I love this story, but I was having a lot of trouble writing it for a while for some reason. I've missed this story, and I've missed you guys. The enthusiasm for this story is kind of unparalleled. I'm so glad to be back in action.**

 **Just so you know, this chapter is kind of rough and very high drama™. Sorry in advance to all the Will lovers out there, because Will has a particularly bad time in this one. (Actually, everybody has a pretty bad time, so, sorry x2?) I liked Will a lot early on, but since his character is so inconsistent (are season 4 Will and season 6 Will even related?) I kind of took the liberty to do whatever I want with him.**

 **Plus, you'll be getting your first of the ~yet to be quantified amount of~ fistfights, so that's pretty insane.**

 **Blah sorry this author's note is long. I hope you guys like this chapter! I'll try not to stay away so long next time.**

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Feeling sick to her stomach for reasons that have nothing to do with morning sickness, Donna hesitates in the doorway to the hotel dining room. She spies Will alone at a table, glowering into a bowl of oatmeal and looking like he'd barely slept. She takes a deep breath, knowing that she needs to tackle the situation head on. She creeps across the carpet and stops besides Will's table.

"Will. Hi." Nervously, she gives a pained smile and flattens her hand against her stomach.

He barely looks up at her. "Donna."

She takes this as invitation enough to sit down. She pulls out the chair across from him and notices how he tenses. "Are you doing okay?"

He drops his spoon and sits back in his chair, folding his arms. "I ran into Josh last night."

She falters. She hadn't thought he would bring it up so directly. "I... I know. He called me this morning."

"He didn't tell you last night?"

She shakes her head. "He wanted me to get some sleep," she says softly.

Will snorts derisively. "That's ironic."

" _Oh. Will. Hi."_

 _Will tries to maintain a neutral expression. "Josh. Funny seeing you here."_

 _Josh appears to struggle with how best to handle this extremely uncomfortable situation. "Look, it's, um..." He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "It's not what it looks like," he tries._

 _"It's not?" Will challenges._

 _Josh admits defeat with a slight slump and a half-hearted smile. "Okay. You got me. It's exactly what it looks like."_

 _Will clenches his jaw. "I see." He mutters coolly, breaking eye contact._

 _"Will, I'm sure she didn't mean for..."_

 _"It's been you. It's been you this whole time."_

 _"I told her to tell you." Josh says weakly, the fire growing in Will's eyes starting to scare him. "I told her to tell you, but... It's been hard for her. Give her a break. She really likes you, Will, she would never..."_

 _"I should've known." Will says bitterly. "God, I should've known."_

 _"Will, c'mon. She knew you'd take it poorly, she respects the hell out of you, she wasn't even sure what was happening with us..." He feels the inexplicable need to defend Donna, even if she'd really put him through the ringer the past few months. Maybe they have more in common than he'd care to admit, he and Will._

 _"What are you saying?"_

 _"I'm saying, I don't know. Give her a chance."_

 _"Due respect, Josh." Will grinds out, exerting obvious effort to keep himself from snapping. "This is my campaign. I'll make whatever decisions I want, and they're none of your business. You made that pretty clear when you rejected my offer."_

 _Josh squints at him, as though trying to understand why he'd brought that up. "Will..."_

 _"It's late." Will says flatly. "I'd imagine you have somewhere to be." He strides past Josh and into his own room, leaving his rival campaign manager in the hall looking helpless and lost. Frankly, he couldn't care less how Josh feels right now. He's got enough going on himself._

 _He sinks onto the bed and buries his head in his hands, silently seething. He feels sick. He feels physically nauseous, and his mouth is dry. He feels angry, that's for sure. But there's something else. Maybe it's hurt, maybe it's betrayal, but the only coherent thought he can seem to form is_ I should've known I should've known I should've known...

"Will, please." Donna starts weakly. "Please let me explain. I've wanted to tell you so many times, I just couldn't seem to find a time or place to-"

"To tell me you're _literally_ in bed with the opposition?" He says harshly. "Actually, sorry, not just in bed with, starting a fucking _family_ with."

She glances around the dining room wearily. "Will."

"What, Donna? Keep my voice down?" He smiles at her bitterly. "Oh, don't worry, I'm no more eager for this to get out than you are. Trust me."

"Will, you should know that there's been no inappropriate interaction or anything that could be construed as collusion between us. I've been so careful about that, I need you to know-"

"You don't get to decide that, Donna!" Will cuts her off abruptly, looking distant and deeply irritated.

Donna is brought up short by how similar he sounded, just for a moment, to Josh reprimanding her about the diary all those years ago.

"You don't get to decide what's collusion and what isn't! You don't get to decide how this looks! And, let me tell you, it looks bad."

She falters. "Will, I really don't think..."

"I don't care what you think, okay? I need some time to process this. I need some time to figure out what I'm going to do with this information."

She bites her lip, feeling tears welling in her eyes. "Will, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

"Yeah, well. I'm not sure telling me would've made it that much better."

"I know it was wrong, but it was all just so complicated..."

He holds up a hand. "Please spare me the 'Josh and I are just so complex, we have so much history, you couldn't understand' speech. I get it."

"That's not what I meant."

Will shakes his head, somewhere between dismissive and deeply hurt. "I should've known. God, I should've known."

She tries vainly to fight back the lump in her throat at his betrayed, disappointed tone. She and Will had gotten so close over the course of the campaign, and she wants so badly for him to understand. But she'd ruined that for herself by keeping this from him, and effectively betraying him. "Will..."

"God, you just can't stay away from that guy, can you? After practically slaving away for him for eight years, you finally quit your job, you get an actual life away from him for once... And then you go and do this. I really thought..." He looks at her dead on for the first time. "I really thought you were better this. I thought you were past this."

She looks at him as though she's just suffered a physical blow. It takes all she has to keep it together long enough to say, "Am I... Am I fired?"

Will looks away from her again, and juts his chin out petulantly. "I don't know, Donna. God. Give me some time. Some space. Just, get back to work, would you?"

She breathes out heavily. "I'll... I'll do that." In a daze, she walks hastily from the dining room, and she's barely made it around the corner before tears start spilling down her face.

She can't believe this. Her career is in jeopardy, she's permanently ruined a professional and personal relationship with someone she cares about, and for what?

 _For the guy she just can't stay away from._

She leans back against the wall, breathing deeply and trying to calm down. The deep resentment and disappointment in Will's eyes won't leave her alone. She hates that he's right. And more than that, she hates that there's only one person she wants to call right now.

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The entire day is as tense as the morning. Donna avoids interacting with Will outside of absolutely necessary professional matters, giving him space as he'd requested. He's in a horrible mood, that much is obvious to everyone, but only Donna knows why. She feels guilty every time he snaps at an intern or derails during meetings.

Late in the day, after a protest erupts in Detroit, the campaign decides to stay out of it. That is, until they get wind of the fact that Santos has changed his schedule for the day to stop in Michigan. Of course, because he's the scrappy underdog, he'll get to appear caring and "a man of the people." On the other hand, if Russell had planned this on his own, he would've appeared political and slimy.

"But since they're going out there, if we don't, we'll seem removed! Like we think we're above it! Will, we can't _not_ go-"

"Stop!" Will exclaims in frustration, cutting off Adam, one of his best PR advisors. "We're absolutely not going where _he's_ going, do you understand me?"

Once the words out of his mouth, he immediately becomes self-aware. He shoots a glance at Donna. She understands. When he had said _where he's going,_ he hadn't meant Santos.

Will sags in defeat. "Fine," he mutters, "we'll go."

Though she knows that it's exactly the opposite of what she should be doing to mend the situation, Donna can't help calling Josh and arranging to meet him for a late dinner. She figures that Will won't notice, as he's pointedly ignoring her, and she could desperately use some advice on how to handle the situation. Josh is in Will's position, after all, maybe he can tell her what he'd want to hear if one of his employees came to him with a similar situation.

Of course, all of that is really secondary. She just wants to see him.

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Since Donna knows the Russell staff to be working mostly out of a series of third floor suites, she chances walking through the lobby of their hotel with Josh that night. They walk slowly, exhausted, and he keeps one arm around her shoulders protectively. He doesn't bother being cautious, because tonight he can't summon the energy to care.

Over dinner, Donna had told him everything that had happened with Will during the day. On the surface, he tried to maintain a calm demeanor, but underneath he was close to boiling over. Hearing Donna cry on the phone that morning, and then watching her nearly break down again over dinner because her boss was icing her out was enough to send him into a rage. He felt the desperate need to protect her, to make everything better for her, but he knows he can't. She had, after all, messed up by keeping this from Will for so long.

The part that he can't seem to let go, however, is that Will's reaction doesn't seem to be entirely professional. If Josh is honest with himself, it sounds a little like something he would do - not with any staffer, but with Donna in particular, had she come to him with something like this. He would've been petty, he would've taken it personally, and he might've said some even worse things than Will had. And that, Josh now knows, is highly problematic.

As they walk slowly through the lobby, Josh notices something strange in the adjacent room. A single figure, hunched over the bar, drinking alone. He furrows his brow.

He slows to a stop, and Donna follows suit, watching him curiously. "You go on up, okay? I'll be there in a minute. I've gotta make a phone call."

She searches his eyes. She could say something like "you could take it in the room," but she knows that if it's campaign related, that crosses one of their lines. _Like it matters anymore, I'll probably be out of a job by tomorrow._ "Okay. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Yeah." He kisses her forehead gently, and she gives him a weak smile. He makes sure the elevator doors have shut before he turns and makes his way to the bar, sliding onto the stool right next to the lone drinker. "Will. Hi."

Will barely looks up. "Josh. Of course. I'd ask what you're doing here, but then..."

Josh ignores this slight jab. "You're not with your staff."

"Neither are you."

Josh inclines his head. "Touché."

The bartender appears. "Drink?"

"Not for me, thanks."

"What do you want, Josh?" Will asks tiredly.

"Will, I think you know what I want."

"What? Give your girlfriend a break?" Will shoots him a sarcastic simper. "As old school chivalrous as it is of you to fight her battles for her, I think we both know I'm not going to do that."

"Would you lay off?" Josh says irritably. He takes a deep breath, remembering that he came here to try and make Donna's situation better, not worse. "I'm not asking you to give her a break. I'm asking you to act like a professional."

"A professional? This coming from you? Yeah, okay."

"I know, I know. Say what you will." Josh acknowledges. "But Will... Some of the stuff you said to her this morning was out of line. Ignoring her is... It's petty. Just deal with the situation, and let her move on, okay? She feels horrible. Now while I could give you a ton of reasons she doesn't deserve to be fired..." Josh sighs. "If you're going to fire her, just do it. Don't string her along. The way you're treating her is... It's personal. It's not professional."

Will gazes at him murkily from behind his glasses. "What are you implying?"

"I don't know, Will. I don't presume to know whatever it is that you two have, only that the way you're treating her now pretty clearly says it's more than boss and employee, and you're letting that get in the way of doing your job."

"Just like how you two were more than boss and employee? Just like how it gets in the way of you doing your job?"

"Will. C'mon."

"This is my campaign, Josh. You passed up the opportunity to be a part of it, and I respect that, but please don't come in now and question the way I run it."

"We both know this isn't about that. I'm questioning the way you're treating her. Which, frankly, is very much my business."

"And how do you figure that?"

"Because when she calls me crying because you're being a dick to her, it is taking literally all I have not to run you over with an armored vehicle of some kind."

"How sweet." Will drawls, taking a sip of his drink. Beneath the prickly exterior, Josh sees a flicker of regret. He'd made her cry.

"She's... She's my family now, Will. And I'm not asking you to understand, I'm just asking you to grow up."

"Grow up?" Will repeats incredulously.

"She was scared, Will. She was scared of this Exact thing happening, I guess. I hate to admit this, but you offered her things I couldn't. This campaign offered her a freedom, and a room to grow, that I never could." Josh looks, for a moment, quite pained by this admission. "She loves this campaign, and she respects you. She didn't tell you because she was ashamed, and scared, and didn't even know what the hell was going to happen between us. You have to understand that it had nothing to do with you."

"Oh, I know. I know all about your messy, complicated whatever. You know why? Because I was there for her. I listened. I _cared_. God, I cared so much. I was there every time she wanted to vent, every time she was pissed at you." Will goes on, starting to slur his words ever so slightly. He's taunting Josh, and Josh knows this, but he can't seem to stop himself from leaning forward, entranced by Will's confession. "Oh, you didn't know? We talked about this all the time. Of course, you were just some anonymous guy back then, but now it all makes sense. Especially when she refused to marry you."

Josh reels back as though he'd been physically struck. "She... She told you that?" He manages, voice breaking.

"Of course she did! She told me everything. I'm sure you thought you were the only person in her life she had that with, especially her only boss, but I've gotta tell you, she replaced you like _that_." Will snaps for emphasis. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he knows it's sick, but somehow the pain pooling in Josh's eyes makes him feel just a touch better.

Josh stands reflexively, taking one step away from the bar stools. He clenches his jaw. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"You're right. Of course I don't." Will turns to face him. "She loves you, right?"

Josh stiffens. He has to get out of here. "You're drunk, Will."

"I'm not! That was the plan, but I've only had a couple. And you know what? It's not worth it. I'm not going to waste my time being miserable over some pathetic, scheming girl who's _unloyal_ -"

"Don't call her-"

"-and couldn't even go two weeks doing something good for herself before she got herself _knocked up_ by the guy she-" Will is cut off abruptly, and topples backward in his seat, falling against the bar. "Fuck!"

The bartender reappears at the sound of the commotion. "Is everything okay?" He looks between them, from Will clutching his face to Josh wincing and shaking his hand. "Did you just-"

"It's fine." Will mutters from behind his hands. "It's fine. Some ice?"

Josh breathes heavily, unsure what had come over him. He has to run. He has to leave here. "I-I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have said that."

"No. You shouldn't have. But I shouldn't have..." He trails off. The reality of what he's just done starts to sink in. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I just hit my girlfriend's boss. I just hit the opposition's campaign manager. I just..._

Josh escapes the lobby, his hand on his chest, and looks blindly for his car. He'd taken a cab. He collapses onto the bench outside the hotel. Fifteen minutes later, inside another cab and on his way back to his own campaign, he calls Donna and tells her something came up.

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 **Yikes yikes yikes. Does it help if I promise to fix all this mess?**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter without too much stalling!**

 **Thanks for being so enthusiastic about my return and my last chapter, guys. It really helped me keep going. I hope you guys like this next chapter! It's one of my faves.**

 **Pro tip: Listen to "Love Me" by the Echo Friendly while reading the latter half of this chapter (I'll tell you when to start it lol) for a good time.**

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In much the same manner she had yesterday morning, Donna walks carefully into the hotel dining room. She doesn't plan on having any grand confrontations this morning, of course, as she's obeying Will's directive to give him space. However, she can't help but feel the same sense of anticipation and nerves. It doesn't help that Josh had taken off last night without much explanation, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She goes in with her head down, intent on finding a table in the corner to pick at a muffin and comb through some paperwork without bothering anyone. Much to her surprise, her plan is sidetracked by Will calling out to her.

"Donna!"

She looks up, surprised. Will is sitting at a table by himself, and is gesturing to the seat across from him. He's already picked out a pastry and a yogurt cup for her, as well as a mug of tea. He looks nervous. But overshadowing all of this is the fact that he looks _horrible_.

Spreading out from his nose is a nasty bruise, creating dark rims under his eyes, particularly the left one.

Donna stares at him, appalled. "Will, what on earth-"

"Sit down, please." He says, appearing to not register her expression. "I'd really like to talk to you."

Still looking at him like he's insane, she hesitantly sinks into the seat across from him.

"I need to apologize for what I said to you yesterday."

A part of her very much wants to hear what comes next, but she simply can't have this conversation without addressing the elephant in the room. "Will, what the hell happened to your face?"

It's Will's turn to look surprised. "You don't know?"

"What? How would I-"

"He didn't tell you?"

"Who?" Donna asks, further confused. "Will, please, what happened?"

Will looks around surreptitiously, and then turns back to her with a wry smile. He lowers his voice. "Ask your boyfriend."

Donna rears back in surprise, bracing her hands on the table. "What?"

"Josh. Last night, after you went upstairs..." Will shrugs. "We talked at the bar, he hit me. I thought for sure he would've told you."

Donna's head is reeling. She thinks back to last night. Josh had said he needed to take a call. _And then later, when he called... He'd sounded concerned. Out of breath, even. Had he really...?_ "He hit you?"

"Yeah. But, honestly, Donna. I had stepped way out of line, he had every right. I said some things that were..." He shakes his head. "Anyway. That's why I need to apologize to you."

Donna shakes her head slightly, her eyes out of focus. "Josh wouldn't hit you."

Puzzled, Will smiles slightly again. He gestures to his face. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but..."

"He wouldn't! I know he has that ridiculous hard ass rep, but he's always been bark, not bite. He isn't violent..." She frowns. "Except for that time he broke the window... Or when he grabbed that guy who insulted Leo, or-"

"Donna." Will says kindly. "I'm not lying to you."

Donna continues to stare at the table top, the realization sinking in. "He _hit_ you," she says, her voice affirmative this time.

"Donna, seriously." Will looks at her intently. "I don't blame him. I'm actually he didn't tell you everything that happened last night, because I said some horrible things. I deserved a punch in the face. More than that, honestly."

Donna doesn't meet his gaze. She simmers silently for a few seconds, her jaw clenched. "I'm going to kill him."

"Donna." Will says imploringly. Finally, she looks at him. "I really am sorry."

She puts her anger on hold for the time being to deal with the matter directly in front of her. She looks into Will's bruise shrouded eyes, and sees his guilt. "Will... What I did was wrong. You had every right to be upset with me."

"Upset, yes." He agrees. "But not like that. I implied some things that are simply not true, and I did it for reasons that were personal, not professional. I need you to know that I respect you, okay? What I said yesterday... It came from an ugly place. I didn't mean it."

Donna smiles slightly. "Will, that's very sweet of you to apologize, but..."

"I want you on my team, Donna." He continues. "This was... This was a blow to our trust." He acknowledges. "But I have no reason to believe that your actions have jeopardized the campaign, or that you did them with any intent to harm the campaign. I think that given the circumstances, you've behaved as professionally as can be reasonably expected."

Donna's eyes widen at Will's unexpected mercy. "Will, thank you. I've really tried to keep the matter under wraps, and keep the campaigns out of it-"

"But." Will holds up a hand. "You did make one serious mistake. You didn't tell me."

Donna nods hurriedly. "I know. I know, it was wrong."

"If we're going to get out ahead of this thing, keep it under control, you've gotta talk to me. You've gotta keep me in the loop."

Donna continues to nod, making a definitive gesture with her hand. "Of course. From now on, anything you want to know."

Will nods. "Good. If we can keep this from the public, we will, but if we can't, there are ways to control the story. I just need to know you'll be on my side."

"Of course! And Josh..." She trails off. Her pulse starts to quicken in anger once more, but she ignores it for the time being. "I know that he'll want to control the damage in a way that protects both of our campaigns. He'll cooperate."

Will gives her another uncomfortable, twisted smile. "Right."

"I know that you haven't exactly experienced cooperation from him thus far, but..." The edge creeps back into her voice.

"Yeah." Will agrees. "But... It is what it is, Donna. What matters to me is that you accept my apology, and you're with me on this going forward." He makes meaningful eye contact with her from over top of his glasses.

"One hundred percent." She says, relieved.

"The way I was acting was rooted in how I felt personally. You know, because of our friendship." He doesn't go into the other things he's been feeling personally. "It wasn't professional. That's one of the things Josh pointed out to me, believe it or not."

Donna eyes cloud over again. "Did he, now?"

"Donna..."

"Excuse me, Will. I need to make a quick phone call."

Will thinks briefly of telling her to go easy on him, but then his eye gives a helpful throb when he blinks and he decides against it. He settles on, "Come back and eat something before we go, okay?"

Her gaze softens a fraction. "I will. Thank you."

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Josh is in a breakfast meeting with the Congressman and a few select staffers when his phone starts buzzing. As he's standing at the whiteboard, marker in hand, he instructs Ronna to put it on speaker.

"Josh Lyman." He says distractedly as he continues to add numbers.

" _Joshua. Lyman._ " He freezes at the seething voice coming from the center of the table. He turns around, ready to scramble to make her stop. " _What the hell were you thinking? You hit my boss!"_

Josh winces. Five pairs of eyes bore into him. He swipes the phone off the table and quickly takes her off speaker. "I'm just gonna take this..." He gestures lamely out the door, and ducks out in a matter of seconds.

Once in the hall, he hastily raises the phone back to his ear in time to hear, "Well?"

He takes a deep breath, feeling the same panic of last night swelling in his chest. "Donna, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was going to tell you."

"Yeah, well, his face beat you to it! He looks horrible, Josh. Our campaign manager looks like he was in a drunken brawl last night, do you know how that looks for us?"

"Um."

"How could you do this?"

Josh sighs. "Donna... You weren't there. You didn't hear him last night. He said some awful things, and I just... Snapped."

"And what were you doing accosting Will anyway? He's my boss. It was my problem to deal with, okay? It wasn't your battle to fight."

Josh swallows. "He made you cry." He says weakly.

"So?" She rebukes. "Do you know how many times you've made me cry over the years, Joshua? Would you like to go back and hit yourself for all of those?"

He sags against the wall, feeling defeated and tired. For the briefest moment, he thought he had it. He thought they'd finally made it. The notion seems laughable now. "Donna..."

"Just tell me what you were thinking. If you were thinking at all, that is."

"I love you." He says imploringly. "Okay? I love you. Still. It drives me insane. I want to do everything for you. I want to be there with you, every second of the day, and it drives me crazy that I can't. When Will started talking about you, I snapped. What he said was... I can't repeat it. But I couldn't listen to it. I couldn't. I don't know if you know what it's like to love someone like that." His voice takes on an edge of anger. "But I love you. There."

Donna's angry diatribe stops abruptly. Her voice comes out hesitant. "Josh..."

"And you still can't say it, can you?" His bitter tone builds. "You can't say it back. I would do anything for you, do you know that? You're... God, you're everything to me. I left the White House because of you. If you asked me to abandon this campaign? I'd do it. And you still can't say it back. Because you don't feel that."

Fierce only a moment ago, her voice is suddenly weak and robbed. "Josh, please. Don't say that."

"And another thing." He doesn't know what's overtaking him, but he can't stop. "I can't believe you told Will."

"Told Will... What?"

"Everything!" He explodes. "The baby! The proposal! All of it! That's us, that's you and me, and you went and told fucking _Will Bailey_ like it was nothing."

Donna chokes out, "I felt alone! I needed someone to listen, to-"

"Well, I'm glad." He says scathingly. "I'm glad you have someone else for that now."

"Josh-"

"No. Don't try to make this okay. It's not, Donna."

"I'm not saying it is, but-" he could be wrong, but he thinks it's possible this is one of those occasions he's made her cry again.

"Tell Will I'm sorry." He mutters before hanging up, trying to catch his breath. He leans his back against the wall, a flat surface just like Stanley had told him. He can feel himself unraveling.

 _She doesn't love me. She never will._

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Midday, Matt Santos is backstage at a community center, waiting to take the stage. He watches the television absently, as he'd had an aid put on the news. Since that morning, he had thought briefly about Josh's strange phone conversation.

Donna couldn't possibly have meant that Josh hit her boss _literally_ , could she? Of course, Matt had a lot of other things on his mind, so he generally dismissed the moment as a blip and moved on.

But as he's watching, a B roll of the Russell staff getting off their plane starts playing. He watches the staff, including Donna Moss, descend the stairs. The camera focuses on Bob Russell, smiling and waving, but over his shoulder Matt catches sight of his campaign manager, Will Bailey.

His face is a wreck.

Matt feels his own campaign manager tense beside him. He turns to look at him, but Josh is pretending to not have noticed.

"- _the next President of the United States, Matt Santos!"_

Matt gives Josh a serious look. "We'll need to talk about this."

Josh has the good grace to look at the floor, ashamed. "Yes, sir."

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By night's end, Donna is exhausted. She'd spent most of the day agonizing over Josh's words. At first, she'd been angry that he managed to turn the situation around on her, when he was clearly in the wrong. But as the day progressed, she knew with a sinking feeling that he had a point.

 _Why can't she say it back?_

Though she wants nothing more than to go to her room and sleep this horrible day away, she hesitates when she sees Will alone at a booth in the hotel restaurant, pouring over some paper work. It had been a frenzied day, and she hadn't spoken to him much since their reconciliation that morning. She wants to continue to rebuild their relationship, and she should probably touch base with him before turning in for the night anyway.

"Will." She greets with a tired smile, sliding in next to him so she can see what he's working on.

"Hey." He looks pleasantly surprised that she's here. "Thought you'd be heading up to bed."

"God, I wish. Soon, hopefully."

"Long day for you, too?" After noticing Will's battered appearance, the press had badgered him for the reason why. With a self deprecating smile, he told one reporter that he ran into a glass door, going for humorous but unfortunately landing on dopey and awkward.

"Like you wouldn't believe." She sighs and sinks back against the booth.

Will bites the inside of his mouth, wondering if he should ask. _Are we back to that point yet?_ "Just the job, or..."

Donna tenses. That morning, she'd promised to tell him everything. This probably isn't what he meant, but hell, she wants to tell someone. "Josh and I are fighting."

Will looks uncomfortable. He gestures at his face again. "Because of...?"

She shrugs. "Sort of."

"Oh." Will says lamely.

"He... He's pissed at me."

"At you?" Will says, surprised. "Why?"

Donna folds her arms. "He's upset that I told you some stuff about us. The proposal, and all that."

Will looks regretful. "I shouldn't have mentioned that, last night..."

"It's okay. He's right, I probably shouldn't have told you."

"Oh." Will says again. He clears his throat. "Yeah. Of course."

Donna turns to look at him, her blue eyes wide and seeking affirmation. "I just needed someone to talk to. You're the closest person to me on the campaign. And, of course, you're a good listener."

Her defense hadn't worked at all on Josh, but like she'd hoped, it appears to be working wonders on Will. "Yeah, I know what you mean. He should understand."

Donna sighs listlessly. "It's not just that."

"Oh?"

"I..." She bites her lip. She can feel herself doing it - instead of confronting her feelings about Josh, she's manipulating Will into being on her side and affirming her virtue. But even though she recognizes it, she can't seem to stop. "I haven't been able to tell him that I love him back."

"Oh." Will's eyebrows jump upward. His heart starts to thump loudly. _Is she saying what he thinks she's saying? She doesn't love him?_ "That's... Um..."

"He's being unfair." She wheedles. "We haven't been together long, and..."

"Definitely." Will agrees breathlessly. His stomach lilts hopefully. She's so close to him - her eyes wide and staring brazenly into his. Her shallow breath stirs a loose lock of hair hanging beside her face, and he feels the temptation to reach out and tuck it behind her ear.

"Thanks, Will. You get me." She says sweetly.

 _This is it,_ he decides. _It's now or never._ He closes his eyes and leans in toward her.

"Whoa, what the hell?"

His eyes fly open abruptly at the sound of her voice and the feeling of her hand on his shoulder, firmly pushing him away. She's looking at him in shock, her body language conveying alarm.

"Oh god." His stomach constricts painfully. He feels blood rush to his face. "Oh god, oh god. I'm so sorry. I thought..."

Donna furrows her brow. "No, you're... I'm sorry. I was sending out the wrong signals." She realizes. "I was... Oh, God."

Will looks away from her, face burning. "No, you were fine, I was..."

"I love him, Will." She informs him suddenly. "I... I know I haven't done the best job conveying that, but I love Josh. So much. I have for years."

Will swallows painfully. "I didn't know."

"He doesn't either." She mutters, mostly to herself.

"If you don't mind me asking..." Will struggles to continue speaking through his intense shame. "Why the hell doesn't he?"

"It's complicated." She defends.

"Obviously."

She looks down. "I... I'm just not convinced he feels the same way."

Will laughs out loud. Donna looks at him sharply, so he quickly stops. "Sorry, Donna it's just... That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."

"What?"

"I have never met someone so demonstrably in love with someone else as Josh is with you."

She stares at him, bewildered. "But..."

"As the guy on the receiving end of how in love with you he is, let me tell you," he smiles despite the situation, "it's intense. I have the marks to prove it."

"So he's impulsive, he's protective, he's not-"

"Donna. C'mon. You can't possibly believe that. When it was some anonymous guy in DC, I was fine to be on your side, say 'yeah, there's no way he's genuine.' But knowing it's Josh? We all knew, back at the _White House_. That guy is crazy about you. Literally."

Donna blinks, floored. Slowly, she stands up from the booth and starts to back away from Will, stumbling slightly. "I... I have to go."

"Donna, wait." Will calls out, hoping to explain himself further. She's gone.

As she races back to her room, Donna can't help but wonder. She has no problem admitting to herself, even to other people, that she's in love with Josh. _Why can't I tell him?_

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX **cue "Love Me"** xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

At midnight, Josh is up with his staff in the Congressman's suite. They're working intently, and a tense mood hangs over the group. Matt hasn't had the chance to speak to Josh yet, but both know the conversation is coming. Since the incident that morning, and the comical reports of Will's injury on minor networks, the staff had put two and two together. It spread from the few who were present in the room to nearly everyone who traveled with the Congressman.

A few people look up when Josh's phone rings. Having learned his lesson, he checks his caller ID. He swallows. It's Donna. He briefly considers ignoring her, but he couldn't forgive himself if it was an emergency. "Hello?"

The first sound to greet him is crying. He immediately sits forward in his chair, drawing the eyes of a few more staffers. "Donna?"

"Josh. I'm so sorry." She manages to choke out. She takes a shakey breath and tries to keep going. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I can't believe I..."

"Donna. What's wrong?"

"You were right." She sobs once. "You were so right. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve any of this. And I don't deserve you."

His room full of staffers melts away. "Donna," he says urgently. "Where are you?"

"I just didn't think..."

"Where are you?" He repeats, standing up.

Confused, she gives him her location through tears. "But that's far, don't try to..."

"Keys." He says out loud to the room, looking around wildly. "Somebody! Keys."

The staffers glance nervously between each other, unsure what he means. Matt is the only one to understand. "He's asking for car keys. He needs a car."

"Please." Josh manages.

"You heard me." Matt says commandingly. "Somebody, a car."

Finally, one of the interns digs his keys out of his pocket and holds them out. "It's the rental in the parking lot, it's-"

Josh grabs the keys and takes off. "Hold on. It's okay." He says distractedly into the phone. He reaches the parking lot and clicks the keys once. A pair of headlights floods the lot, and he climbs inside the sedan.

"No, listen." She says firmly, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "This is important, Josh."

"I was out of line this morning, I was upset-" he says, on autopilot. He backs the car out of the lot. As has been evidenced multiple times this week, Donna crying has untold powers over him.

"No! You were right."

"I was right?" His breath hitches. He was right that she didn't love him?

"You were right to be pissed at me, I mean." She clarifies hastily. "I've been... God, I've been awful to you." She sniffles again.

"No, you've..." He trails off half heartedly.

"I have." She says miserably. "Not just recently. For years, Josh. For years."

"Don't say that." He says gently. He means it. For years, she was dedicated, she proved she cared for him when no one else was there, she...

"Josh, I left you." She says urgently. "I left you not just a few months ago, but I left you six weeks after I started working for you. I left you for some asshole I couldn't care less about."

He swallows painfully. "Donna, you don't have to do this."

"I left you for him. And then I left you again, just months ago. While I worked for you, I jeopardized both of our careers by sleeping with Cliff Calley. I did it again when I claimed that quote for Jack. I told you about job offers, I made sure you knew I resented the job, I was constantly going on about dates, and guys, and..." She struggles to catch her breath. "I made sure you knew that you came last. Always."

"Donna..." He knows he has rebuttals. He knows there are moments when she'd been there for him. The Christmas she stayed in DC for him, the months she was with him constantly during his recovery.

But, God, there were times when he really had felt like that. Like he came last for her, and always would. It was due in part to many of the moments she'd just described.

"You flew halfway around the world at a moment's notice to be with me! In the middle of an international crisis! And what did I do? I had some other guy there, because of course I did. You were there for me, because of course you were, and I..." She starts to cry heavily again. "I pushed you away. Again."

He stops at a red light, his heart hammering. He wants to say, _I know, I know, I was there! Yes, it was shit, but I didn't care, because you were alive! How could I care about anything beyond that?_ but she sounds like she doesn't need anything to add to her guilt right now. "Donna, c'mon. Give yourself a break."

"No, Josh. Not this time." Her voice softens. "You've never been anything but good to me."

He could almost laugh. "We both know that's not true."

"When it really mattered, yes, it's true. You took me back. You gave me every opportunity. You taught me everything, hell, you gave me a chance when you had absolutely no reason to. And beyond that... You always forgave me. You broke the law for me to diffuse the Cliff situation. And with Jack! You showed up at my house and told me I was amazing, you gave me a _fairy tale_ the night I had actively betrayed you and the entire administration."

"But I..."

"You were there for me in Germany." She goes on, not letting him get a word in. "You were amazing. You came without a second thought, you... You were right there when I needed you. You always have been."

"Donna," he manages hoarsely, tears starting to prick the back of his eyes.

"Hell, where are you right now?" She questions.

"Um." He hesitates, looking down at his current situation. "I'm on my way to see you."

"Of course you are. You're the most dedicated, loyal person I know, and don't try and tell me any different." She sounds almost frustrated. "After everything, after all of the times I've been cold, distant, told you to back off, you're still dropping everything for me."

 _I always will. I can't help it._

"God, why didn't I see it before? You took on Will for me. You left the White House because of me. After everything, you still wanted to marry me." She takes a deep breath. "You... You love me. You really do."

He could almost laugh. He slumps forward against his steering wheel, grinning profusely. His voice slightly choked, he says, "Well God, I've only been trying to tell you that for months!"

He hears her smile in her reply. "I love you so much, Josh. I'm so sorry."

Months of tension he didn't know he'd been carrying eases. "Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry it's taken me this long. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry about everything I... Everything I've put you through."

A rousing chorus of honking forces him to pull his head up off the steering wheel. He glances blearily at the green light and eases into the intersection. "Hey, I've put you through a lot, too."

"But I..." He hears tears in her voice again. "I need you to know that the only reason I couldn't say it back is because I was afraid. I was insecure, I was... It's not because I didn't love you."

"I'm sorry I ever gave you reason to doubt me."

"I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have doubted you."

"It's okay." He says softly. "I'm on my way, okay? It'll be okay."

"You don't have to do that..." She says reluctantly.

"I need to see you."

"Yeah." She says with a sigh. "Yeah, that would be good."

"Don't worry about it."

"I love you, Josh." She repeats, sounding equally relieved to hear it. "I have for almost eight years, you know. I went out of my way to prove that I didn't, because I thought it was so obvious. But you have to know that... I have never loved anyone as much as I love you."

"Donna, I'm serious, you don't have to say all-"

"I want to."

"I... You too."

A gentle mocking tone enters her voice. "Oh, so now you're clamming up, huh? Back to awkward, emotionally stunted Josh?"

He smiles. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, either."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know, huh?"

"I do now."

They stay on the phone for a while after that, but eventually Josh convinces her to get a couple hours sleep before he gets there. After a few hours driving, he finally makes his way to her room, exhausted. When she opens the door, she immediately pulls him into her arms, and he gratefully buries his head in her shoulder.

"I'm so happy you're here."

"Yeah. Me too."

"I'm sorry about-"

"Don't. It's okay."

She hesitates. "Will Bailey tried to kiss me tonight."

Josh stiffens. "You probably don't want me to say 'saw that one coming,' do you?"

"Preferably, no."

"Okay. Then I won't."

"Let's go to bed, okay? We can talk more in the morning."

"Yeah."

After undressing, he collapses beside her, relieved. He pulls her close to him, a previously unknown contentment overtaking him. She gently threads her fingers through his, their clasped hands resting on her stomach.

"I love you." She says again, though it's the first time he's heard it in person.

He presses a kiss to the back of her neck. "Yeah. I know."

"You know, huh?"

"I do now," he echoes. "And I love you too. Just to clear that up."

"Thanks. I'll try to remember that."

"Don't worry. I'll remind you."

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Yay! I'm so happy. I really love this chapter, honestly. For a while, I always thought that Donna was the more obviously devoted one, but on subsequent rewatches, I've realized I was wrong. Maybe from a viewer's perspective, but certainly not from Josh's - especially given his history of abandonment issues. So, yeah, this felt good, to have her owning up to all this and realizing that given her insights into Josh, it should be clear to her exactly how he feels. (Of course, I'm not saying she had no reason for her insecurity! So all you guys who hated on Donna during this story can take that negative energy elsewhere please.)**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Things aren't totally smooth going from here, but at least we've got that major conflict cleared up for the most part. As for poor Will, things will start to look up for him soon, I promise.**

 **Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.**


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